Longevity over Momentarily

Oh my stars! As my cute two year old nephew would say!!! I feel as a strong runner, I continue to be injured or aches and pains. My life the past few years. I'm only 28 for goodness sake! I'm not an old grandma yet, I shouldn't be having these problems :). But its my life and my journey.

As I was running through some pain recently in my quad I began to think. I'm an over analyzer, which is nothing new. But As I thought, I was like okay this may be my passion and my outlet but is it worth it for my longevity of running? I thought and was like no, this is just momentarily. As mad as I have been and upset, I am finding that I can still bike and swim. So I am still getting in exercise daily. But its nothing like running or the feel I get after a run.

Coming to terms of wanting longevity over momentarily fix has been hard but worth it. Yes, if you know me personally, I have tried to run a few times but can't make it far without wanting to cry. I miss waking up early and meeting up with my running buddy's. They make running worth it also. The accountability, the conversations, what is said on the road stays on the road, the laughs, and all of the above. Its a community.

But its time to heal up some of injuries. Yoga has been keeping me SANE during the times I can't run. So if you're a runner and need an outlet, try yoga!!! It definitely helps with brain balance and overall moods. I just have to remember this is just momentarily! I'm working on longevity.

A side note but something that has been a positive for me in this journey, is that there is another runner who is also injured. We have been in conversation and biking together when our schedules collide together. That has been nice. The greatest thing she has said was: I have been having dreams about running. It is beyond true! Oh how I miss it! But you can build new friendships without running. They are more meaningful also.

Learning to slow down and take care of my body. Its a marathon not a sprint.

Longevity over Momentarily. If I can do this, you can do this!

Keep on Keeping on!

Coffee and Friendships

This year, I have made a plan to blog more, share from my own personal experiences, be real, and inspire others to become a better person. So here we go! 

Isn't coffee art just beautiful? I love it! Wait...I LOVE COFFEE! I maybe an addict :) Really this blog isn't all about coffee. Its truly what coffee brings to the table. It brings true friendships and relationships together. Most likely, you don't just sit down with anyone over coffee. I know that I don't. Five years ago I may have just because I wanted everyone acceptance. Now, its rare and far between. But when I do have the chance to sit down with a friend, its beautiful. I see it as an intimate time with a friend, spouse, mom, mentor. You share your struggles with zero judgment. You are safe for that moment. How freeing is this? I may have two people I can truly share the deep struggles with and that's okay. We don't need a ton of people to share that stuff with. 

It's also a place to share your dreams with. Most people keep their dreams to oneself because they are scared of being judged and crushed that their dream can't happen. But the people who are true and genuine friends will encourage that dream to flourish! How encouraging is that? They will connect you with the right people to allow the dream to keep moving forward. They believe in YOU as a person. 

These true friends will cry with you, mourn with you, grieve with you, and carry you through that moment. You can be completely real. I don't like showing my real emotions, always been a struggle. You want life to look GREAT on the outside. And guys life SUCKS...IT SUCKS!! Did I say that loud enough? But you aren't meant to go through it alone. As I said I have very few people I would sit down with. But the couple women know who they are. And they will support you. Its just taking that guard down and saying it all. I'm still not great at sharing when things aren't well. But its a journey. Don't just open up to anyone. Be cautious. But there are people out there to support you. 

Coffee brings LAUGHTER. Who loves to laugh? I do! I'm a clown once you get to know me. Completely silly. What better way to start or end your day over coffee and many laughs? Its beautiful. And I hear that laughter can be the BEST medicine. I love stories and people that make you laugh so hard, your stomach hurts! Oh surround yourself with these people. 

It can bring HOPE to the dark places. WE all need hope. So I leave you with HOPE today. Go grab a cup of coffee with that person you can be real with. and find HOPE again. 

Just keep on keeping on! 

Its a New Year

Its been a year! Its been a journey! Its been a roller coaster! Its been joyous! Its been hard! Its been.....

You feel in the blank for what your year has been. We all could sit here and talk about the challenges its brought this year. But I'm tired of the negative. Negativity has been part of my life for a long time and its time for it to get out! I will share this the things that have happened this year, I have been learning and growing from. I'm slowly coming to a place of peace and moving forward. We can't continue to hold onto the past or the year 2014. We can learn and become a better person because of it. That's my goal to learn, grow, and move past it. It all takes time but its there. 

This year I have decided to take hold of my life for once. Its not in others opinions, thoughts, comments. Its in our hands and Gods hands. Things may not go our way still but things can at least be dealt with easier because we have the knowledge of what's going on. Knowledge is powerful! Use your knowledge to help you along your journey. Because in my journey its taken A LOT for me to accept but with knowledge its helping me move forward. So no matter how much you don't want to accept whatever it is, you can be more successful in your struggle just knowing what's going on.

I also started taking my own health more serious and started fighting for it for myself. It wasn't for anyone else anymore. It was for me. I was born to succeed not to continue  just being part of society. I began this journey in September. I found yoga, which has helped just center me as a person. I am calmer when practicing, I am happier, and my body is more lean. Its awesome! I love yoga. I saw a counselor for the first time in a long time. And I actually enjoyed going. Its always a challenge to continue talking about the same ole same ole. This wasn't her focus though, which was freeing. She wanted me to become whole and healthy again. It took me a while to really talk and become open. She was patient and willing to meet me where I was. But she brought things to the table that I needed to hear and process. And honestly over a month since I've seen her and I'm still processing. And this journey has been HARD. But amazing also. I'm learning who I am, why I act the way I do, why I struggle the way I do. All this is teaching me steps I need to take starting this new year to find more health. And I'm just starting this part of my journey. I don't know what it'll exactly look like but that's okay. Learning to be okay with that. Just keep on keeping on and pushing hard!

But I leave you with this: knowledge is power. That is if you can find it as a positive even when it seem negative at first. So knowing is the best way to make the next right step!

Isaiah 43:19 (message)
"Forget about what's
happened; don't keep
going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I'm
about to do something
brand-new. It's bursting out!
Don't you see it?


Keep on Keeping on!!!

The Struggle of a Runner

The struggle is REAL! If you have met me for more than 5 minutes, you will know I'm an avid runner. Its my life, its my passion, its my stress relief, its what keeps me going. Well the past two years has been a roller coaster of injuries, pains, slower times, and discouragement. But I've not lost my drives or passion for running. Nor have I taken the time off to fully recovery from each injury. And I'm okay with that! It may have just taken a little longer to fully heal.

Well, where I say the struggle is real. Its my latest thing. Thank God its not an injury but it still dampens   my running. Friday I was out for a run, in my favorite running weather. It was a drizzling a little and was in the 40s. I was a happy runner. I felt great, strong, and running a good pace for me. I was content, just thinking and enjoying my run. I hit Tyler and Hogan and my right calf cramped up. Now you have a tough girl sitting on the side walk holding back tears. Even though I was cramped up, I was more mad that I couldn't continue running. I stretched with no luck. So I hobbled home. Did some stretching and felt okay. But I was still upset I couldn't finish my run. That's just the mind of a runner. I did end up getting over it and going to work.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was house sitting and lived only about 1.5 miles from the fitness center. So my great mind was run up there, go to weight training, and then do some running afterwards. My plan is not always the right plan. Goodness, that hurts. We all want to think we have the right plan or idea. Well my great mind wasn't right on this day. I didn't even make it to the fitness center before it cramped back up. Now talk about an angry person coming out. I was like really? Why is this happening to me? I was so angry. I may still be a little upset about it. So I went on to weight training and just modified some of the exercises. Takes my pride away to do that. Because I want to be the best at everything. Not always a good trait that I have. And really STRIP my pride having to ask someone to take me home because I know I can't make it home running.

Oh the journey! It has been hard for me to accept and take care of the soreness. I have learned that my plan doesn't always go as planned. And that my plan in reality doesn't matter. I can try and do it my own way and hope for the best. But I have to take a step back and take care of my body. I started potassium, rolling on a foam roller, and low impact cardio. Its not what I want but hopefully all will work itself out!

If you are an injured runner and missing it. Embrace your journey and know it will be over eventually. And we all will be back on the roads soon enough right!!! I know a few days of rest, I'll be back at it! Its just frustrating and a struggle for being a strong runner! Trying to put my runners smile on. keep on keeping on friends! The journey and struggle is real but doesn't have to define us.

I'll let it as my mantra: Keep On Keeping On! Never Give up! 

Living Day to Day

Daily, we have a choice to make and this choice can make or break our day. I feel as each day I've been having to work harder on making the "better" choice. Its much easier to throw in the towel and make the worse choice. Its easy to give in and allow other things to take over your life. I've been having to stay on top of this daily and think through each choice. I've been on edge more than normal and having to work hard. I've had my days recently that I just want to sleep it off instead of deal with it head on.

I may have a solution for the moment and for me that is having a plan of action. I can't think about yesterday or tomorrow, I have to make the best decision for that moment. If I were to dwell on my decision made yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, things would continue to consume me. Having a plan to fight through that moment right then and there is what I need, in order to be successful. Being successful in the moment is my goal because my goodness I'm so guilty of impulsive decisions. This is the reason I'm trying to slow down and make the right decision in the moment.

Take each day as it comes. Some days will bring more challenges than others but the way you respond will determine how successful you will be or how impulsive you will be.

Keep on Keeping on.

The Health Journey continues....

So about a month ago I talked a little about losing my health and trying to find it. Well, its still a journey but its becoming a beautiful journey. Lots of ups and downs, and twists and turns. Its been ugly on days and pretty on others. If you or know someone else who has been through something significant that has shaken your life, you know all too well what a journey looks like. It would be great if I could say I woke up one morning and life was just great! But you know the journey is what makes you, you. It can shape you into a better, stronger, more beautiful person. And that's what the journey is all about. Its messy with some pieces of beauty in it.

Here's a piece of my health journey that I find beautiful and find hope in.

I have found myself for once in my life. I always felt so stuck in my head and couldn't get out. I had a friend tell me for a while to get into yoga, my excuse was I'm not flexible or calm enough to do it. I ended up just attending one yoga class and was hooked. I am still not extremely flexible but I go with it. I find myself daily trying something new with yoga.  Its like stop, drop, and do yoga. My only outlet for years was running. This was the only time I could find some clarity. And YES, I'm still a very avid runner, when I'm not injured. I just ran 10 miles of trail yesterday. The passion for running will probably never leave this runners life. 

I am grateful that I am finding myself and my health. I feel as my entire life of battling the disorders that I have, I was made to find health. I was sent he to treatment or told to see a therapist. Nothing worked. I didn't want it fully for myself until other things arose in my life. My health was crumbling away right before my eyes. It kinda scared me. One professional got real, she said I give you just a few years of living if you don't get it together. It was a kick in the butt. Something clicked for me to realize I have to take action or see death sooner than I'd like. 

Since its been the first time I've been finding it for myself its more beautiful but doesn't mean its easier. I don't have to have a treatment team of people on me or working with me daily. That's not what I needed. I needed to find things that worked for me. A lot of the work has been done alone, some consulted with a physician, some work with a counselor, and accountability. I had to make choices alone of getting off my medication and learn how to function without it. But reality with a few supplements and getting off I am such a happier person who actually likes life. Many other decisions have had to be made but the medication was the biggest and the best choice. So do what's best for you! 

This journey is a daily choice that I choose. Some days I have no desire to try because its a fight, its a battle. But all I do is try my best each day. And that's all you can ask for in yourself. Recovery isn't perfect nor pretty at times, but its worth it. Its worth the person I'm becoming. If my journey gives one person a glimpse of hope it is so worth it. 

Just keep on keeping on 

Health....

I'm feeling a little blog post again. May be I'm becoming inspired again? Who knows. I write a lot to myself just to get the junk out. But not for others. So may be I'm on to something again.

I love being an inspiration to others because of the things I walk through on a daily basis. I don't wish anything upon anyone. Because life can just be HARD. It can suck, if we were to be real here. I'm all about being real. And I mentioned in my other post, the past few months have been hard! Rough and sucked to be honest. The same ole things creep into my life and sucks me in. People die. Accidents happen. Friend in a coma. Graduating college, and starting a new path back in school. Stress. Life. Anxiety. Depression.

And losing your health in the midst of it.

YES, I skipped a few lines in between. But crap happens. It brings you down. You lose your passion for life and others. You have a hard time finding compassion towards others. Its just like you're losing yourself in the midst of the chaos. And a piece of me has been lost. And that's okay. We all lose ourselves at times. But its picking yourself back up and finding yourself.

 That last sentence I put so lightly and seems like I have found it. But let me say this, my puzzle pieces are still scattered everywhere. And that's OKAY. I'm not that easy on myself. But find some grace for yourself. Even if its just a little bit. And if you find that grace for yourself, share with me and maybe I can learn from you :)

When I say I've lost my health. Its not just physically. Its mind, body, and soul. You have to look at it with all perspectives. I suck everyday at something. One area gets better and then another area weakens. Its part of life. But all you can do is try. And I'm not talking about half ass doing it (sorry my word choice). I'm talking about trying at 110%. NO, I'm not always at 110% but I'm there trying. And that's all you can do. If you know at the end of the day, no matter how crappy it was or how great it was, that you gave it your best, than that's a success. And other days on the scale you may be a 0, as in I sucked all day. Well, I've been there and still have those days, WEEKLY.  Don't beat yourself up. Just go to bed as I do and wake up for another day to fight the good fight. And all we can do is keep on, keepin on.


Life is not a sprint, its a marathon.
The journey may suck, but just keep on, keepin on.