Gratitude or Attitude

If you've read my last couple blogs you can see a lot of change and maybe even hurt going on in my life and heart. And YES its been a challenging season!! But such an amazing time seeking the Lord and getting on my knees before God. One thing I've realized is that God wants us on our knees not only when things are challenging but always. Even when things are going great.

With all the things going on I've hit a few challenges along the way. I have struggled between wanting to have a horrible ungodly attitude towards my circumstances and trying to be full of gratitude towards the Lord and the closest people around me. I've learned its okay to grieve and process all the hurt going on but finding a balance is the key.

Going back to my attitude during this season isn't always pretty and I'm not proud of it. I would be embarrassed if people saw or heard the conversations in my head, with the people closest to me, and with God. I know God wants to see the rawness and realness of where I am because he already knows. He accepts us right where we are. And how freeing is knowing this truth! I am so grateful for this.

But I also have been challenged with showing gratitude during this season. God has showed up in such a tender way to whisper, "Whitney choose JOY and I will bring you HOPE!" When I began to sit still and listen to God's small voice talking to me, my life changed.

I definitely still struggle with choosing to be thankful during this season but its made my outlook so much better than it had been. And as  I've chosen to approach this season with gratitude the peace of the Lord has overcome me. I am so thankful for how the Lord and my support system has reached out and accepted me right where I am.

How can you change your attitude to gratitude during a tough season you are walking through??

Lets Get REAL

Real-(Adj)-

Genuine and authentic

As I looked up definitions of "real" this was the one that caught my eye. How many of us are asked on a daily basis "How are you today?" and we reply "great, life is fabulous, good." I know I'm guilty of this. But lets be real with each other today. We aren't always GREAT but portray it when asked how you are doing. We even tell the people we are closest to the same thing and the ones closest to us care the most. 

We need community with others who we can be real (Genuine and Authentic) with. God makes it really clear in the bible about how we need to be with other believers in community. This is to encourage us, pray for one another, meet another's need, a listening ear, and to walk through life with other believers.

You may think all the above sounds good but I'm not ready for that. And that's OKAY. We are all on different levels of wanting to break down the walls and get real with one another. I understand the thoughts going through your mind right now. You are thinking being real with others will expose your weaknesses, judge your issues, trusting the other person, being talked about behind your back. The list can go on. I get all of those feelings and most women feel the same way.  I can share from personal experience that I used to not like being real with my true feelings, ESP with others. Until God showed me the importance of having godly women in my life. What freedom comes out of breaking down the walls and having a couple people you can get real with. 

I pray that the season I'm in will encourage you to consider breaking down your walls.

I'm a woman that likes to do it herself and ask for zero help. Well God definitely has shown me different over the past month. I have been at the same job for almost 2 1/2 years. I've known for a while that my season would be coming to an end with my current job. I just needed to take a step of faith and step out. It was not a bad company at all but not moving up and not having a raise since starting, I knew something had to give. I began my search for jobs. This freaked me out a little bit. I had been comfortable for 2 1/2 years. I got an interview with a company. Super stoked about going to it. My heart to serve women, walk through life with them, and most importantly women come to Christ as their Savior  is my heart beat. So I jumped on the opportunity for this job. I was excited. Then slowly God revealed it was not the right fit for me. I was pretty bummed. I needed major wisdom from God and the couple people who speak complete honest truth to me. I sought wisdom. It was evident this was not a place for me to enter. I dealt with tons of anxiety and different emotions knowing I don't have a job. This goes back to my pride and wanting to be independent. Still tons of emotions going through my mind but through the word of God and others in my life he has brought more peace than I ever could have imagined. 

I have gone back to a verse we ALL know probably by heart. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13

"For I know the plans I have for YOU", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

So this is where I'm at in life. Learning more and more about myself, seeking the word of God first  and a couple women who speak truth in my life. I encourage you to start breaking down the walls and become free to share!! You will find much freedom!!!! 

Are you swimming through a storm?

When you think of the storm your in what are the first thoughts? Why God? Why me? I can't make it through this? I need a miracle. I don't understand this? I hate my life? I'm so angry at (you fill in the blank). I could continue on with the negative thoughts but lets not dwell on that specifically. I've been there, I've lived there, I've dwelled in all those questions. I wonder how I could keep my head above water.

My year felt like many of times. I have had to live with consequences of a 12 year battle of bulemia and anorexia. I have had freedom over this addiction for nearly three years but still had many consequences. I remember going to my surgeon last August and hearing all that I needed done. My bones in my mouth had deteroirated so badly where I needed to have bone added, teeth pulled, and implants. Then my body rejected some of these surgeries. I grew weary! I had everything removed for a few months to go back into surgery just two weeks ago. Within a week my body was rejecting once again. But friends I had a choice to make this time. Will I choose to cling to God's word or continue to ask the qustions from above. YES I WAS FRUSTRATED!! But as God says you can be angry but don't sin in your anger!

Like I said above I had to make a choice. Would I choose God's word or would I continue living in my pit. I chose to fully give it up and put it in Gods hand and find strength in God. It was not easy but worth it in the end. The joy I found, the encouragement from the word and friends, strength that I never knew I had, and HOPE that only comes from Jesus.

Its not been fun and not proud to say that I've had 9 surgeries in one year on my mouth. What I have learned and how I've grown in the Lord is the best part about it. I am thankful for this season. I had to "SLOW DOWN" my fast paced life and focus on what is important and get my priorities right. Learning that the Lord provides in ALL things is huge and he showed up more than I ever could have imagined. Yes all of the mouth issues were from past issues but learning about the Grace of God and how much he loves me and REDEEMS me from it made it all worth it.

So my question for you is what storm are you swimming through with your head barely above water??

You can find hope and strength in Jesus. It too shall pass but it may be months just as mine was. Don't lose your faith. The hope of Jesus lives right in you.

"Where the Spirit of the Lord lives, there is FREEDOM"

We all can live in this freedom. It just takes some of us (ME) longer than others to find it because we have to die to self and give control up to Jesus!!!!

The Prodigal Child

Luke 15:18-24 18I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

20“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’

22“But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

I woke up the other morning with such a heavy heart. Nothing big going on that should have made me feel this way. But the past of all my sins were playing in my head and the enemy was using them against me to get me down and feel unworthy. But the awesome thing was God reminded me of the Prodigal Son in the bible. For the life of me I couldn't remember where it was found. So I did a search online and found it in Luke. I was so thankful I was able to combat the lies of my past with his word. 

How many of you can sit here and think of  the things you've done or been through to feel so inadequate and unworthy of everything? Because of you running away from God, dealing with an addiction, being complacent in your relationships and especially with God, laziness, loneliness, depression, anxiety, come from a broken home? I know that I have dealt with all the above in some sort of capacity. And at times it still comes back to my mind and the enemy tries so hard to get me down but God always shows up by speaking to me through scriptures, through prayer, and through my close friends who are my support system.

No matter your struggle there is HOPE!!! Go back up and read through Luke 15. The son left his family because he wanted his inheritance early. He messed up, he sinned, walked away from God and his family. But once he realized he was so far gone he was willing to go back and work for his father. But look at the encouragement at the end of the passage. "Go quick and bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. Get a calf and lets celebrate." This is how God feels about YOU! He doesn't care where you've been or what your coming out of, He's waiting to celebrate YOU! Don't give any hold to the enemy because you are worth much more and the Lord is just waiting on you. How encouraging to know that you will always have an eternal love from the father. Stay strong friends and realize that you are loved, cherished, wanted, worthy, celebrated, beautiful, awesome, wanted. Be encouraged. 

The Two Year Mark

April 13th will make it two years since I graduated from Mercy Ministries. What a journey that was! I went into Mercy a broken little girl trapped in a woman's body. I had a lot of hurt and pain to deal with. I was struggling with many internal battles. The enemy had held me captive for way too long. I have many amazing memories with the women I lived with and walked life with for many months but most importantly I truly found Jesus.

It was some of the hardest months I have endured digging deep into the hurts, but it also was some of the sweetest moments I have had. God took the brokenness and made it beautiful! I am grateful for my time I had at Mercy. I received so much freedom in God that I would have never found if it weren't for Mercy. God used Mercy to change the destructive path I was on to bring freedom so I can now live by Isaiah 61. To help set the captives free. We are all called to do this.

The two years of being home have not always been the easiest but I now had HOPE knowing that God would carry me through and not let me down! I have had many oral surgeries and another one to come. Talk about a faith walk in trusting God for healing! I have been able to go to Haiti and serve the hurting over there. Loved the country and the people in Haiti! I now have dreams that surpass all anything I could do but God can do it!! It all started at Mercy to give me another chance at life! I am forever grateful for those months!

Most of all its by the Grace of God I am who I am today. He has done so much and continues to do much. Its an exciting season I am entering. To be excited about life feels good!

                                                            Me two months before entering Mercy. August 2010

                                                               Mercy Graduation April 2011

                                                       Me today!

This is how GOOD GOD IS!!!! The transformation that God can do in just two years! I am forever grateful for the freedom God has given me.



If you are struggling with any type of addictions or problem there is a God that can set you free.
"where the spirit of the Lord is there is FREEDOM"
There is NOTHING too big that God can't do!

When the Healing Begins

As alot of you know I've had a LONG 8 months of mouth issues. One surgery after another, dentist visits and much more. Its been a journey to say the least!

I had this last surgery January 30th, 2013. It was the most invasive one yet. During the recovery period that I had, I got really discouraged. I questioned if I would ever stop being in pain or ever feel good again. It was a long 14 days. I begged God to take away my pain after 7 days of hurting. As time passed God started to speak to me. The whole mouth issues still doesn't all make sense but I link it to my past issues. As God started to speak and show me that its a season to slow down and just BE. He gave me this peace that surpasses all understanding on about day 9 of post surgery. Doesn't mean its been easy but the peace God gives me has carried me through.

This has grown my faith more than before because I had to fully rely on Him and no one else. It took a good 2.5 weeks to start feeling really good. My point is that its been a struggle over the past months but we go through things to only make us stronger in God. He meets us right where we are.

What do you need healing in today? Whats the next step you will take in your healing process?

How we view homeless people

In the past two months God has really laid a lot on my heart for the homeless demographic in Central Arkansas.
We pass them on the roads daily. We make a side remark about they can do better than that? They just want my money for drugs and alcohol. And don't get me wrong there's been MANY of times I've done the same thing. But have you ever taken a moment to ask their story? They have a story just like you and I do. There's a reason they are on the roads.

Its easy to get in the midst of our own friend "groups" and not think of others outside of it. Jesus had his 12 disciples but He would always walk with the sinners, the outcasts, the sick.  The homeless are considered the outcast of our society. They don't have the support that they need in order to get off the roads. If we come together as a body we can change the statistic's of homelessness and bring restoration to these people.

It excited me a couple times a month to go out and give coats, a hot meal, and a listening ear to these people. Its a mission I feel led to do each month. It brings joy to my heart to go out and make a difference.

What are you doing to make a difference in your community, work place, family, friends? You can be the change one life at a time!!

this is Unas. I have met her twice now. She is a beautiful lady inside and out. I am grateful I have met her.