Finding Compassion for Yourself

We live in a cruel world. A world full of pain, anger, hurt, misfortune, addiction, lies, abuse, and much more. With how our world is, we can start to fall into the same trap. We end up in the midst of pain, heart ache, self sabotaging, and lies. We become our worst critic. We beat ourselves up because the "world" says we are "fill in the blank." 

This is a trap that I have found myself in for the majority of my life. I didn't realize how much negative I spoke over myself until recent. I was confronted by my own demons. I saw the heart ache of my words and how it was causing more damage than anything. It has kept me stuck in the same patterns that I continued to cycle through since I was around ten years old. Its hard to grasp that the world has spoken such crap into our lives to keep us where we are. 

As I sat with my counselor one last time, something she had said a few times before really struck a cord in my heart. It was as the light bulb turned on. She had been encouraging me on my new adventure and how I would be successful in this. Here is where the change began: "be kind to yourself and have compassion for yourself". 

BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND HAVE COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF

This has been a perspective change and a challenge for me. But I was ready. You are ready too. We beat ourselves up because of our past, abuse, addiction, hurts, or that we don't meet the "worlds" standards. Reality....We aren't the things of our past or our abuse or our addictions. We are children of God. 

Psalm 103:1-4

Praise the Lord, my soul;

all my inmost being, praise

his holy name. 

Praise the Lord, my soul,

and forget not all his 

benefits--

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life

from the pit

and crowns you with love 

and compassion. 

This verse speaks so clearly to myself. If God, who didn't have to send his Son to the Cross for our lives can have compassion and want to heal us. Can't we have the same compassion and kindness for ourselves. Goodness, its a lot easier said than done. Like most things in our lives are. This week I have brought more awareness to this struggle in my life. Even when I fail or have a struggling moment, I try to take a step away from the situation and find the compassion for myself as God would give me. 

This process is a refining process. Its not a pretty process to be kind to myself. Or to even like myself. But if I can change one behavior or attitude that would normally be negative into finding the self love and acceptance for myself. I had a win for that day. 

You can win this battle too. We are in this together. We will beat this together. We are Warriors! Carry on! 

Living the Single Life

Being 29 and still single...OUCH...Weird looks...Comments from family members...WEIRD...Somethings not right with you...You're different...Seriously...

I'm from the South and its expected that you marry and start a family by 25. Well if you know me at all, I'm 29 and single. And NO this isn't for some man to read my blog and sweep me off my feet. Or a friend to set me up with a guy. That's not what it is about. Its about finding contentment in where you are: single, married, engaged, divorced, widowed, or in a relationship.

I haven't ever really talked much about being single or how I felt about it until recently. I have started to talk to some of my girlfriends about it. Its always been something that I've struggled with but have never wanted to admit or talk about. So here I am raw and real on this topic.

Some people may know or this may be new to some but I was engaged two years ago. We aren't going to focus on this or talk in detail about this part. It was the first time I had truly felt "IN LOVE!!" I wanted the ring, the wedding, the man to call "hubby", to have babies, and to be what any 27 year old woman would want at the time. It came crashing down on me with much hurt and heart ache. With this said, yes it SUCKED! Yes, it HURT! Yes, I was BROKEN! But I came out on the other side a stronger woman. I had a supportive family and a couple friends who would walk with me and help me through the next months of my life.

I grew to trust God in this season even when I was angry about what was happening. I felt abandoned and unworthy of a relationship. It took time, support, and trust to get to a place of contentment. It wasn't overnight or a month or a year. Its been a gradual healing over the past two years.

I haven't dated much since then. I have wanted to be loved by a man, swept off my feet, cared for, listened to, and held by a man during the past two years. But reality hit me. And it hit HARD. It was a ton of bricks that rocked my world. I realized it was all the things I needed to feel fulfilled but something was still missing. These things I was not finding in the Lord. It was man I was seeking it from. Now that's messed up :). I had such a skewed view of wanting my will to be met.

Realizing that I will never be fulfilled by a man on this earth was hard to swallow. You'd think by 29 I would have grasped this, but I hadn't. I tend to learn the hard way. So this past spring I started to be more intentional about my relationship with the Lord. Seeking him to be my Lord, my fulfiller. It has been a hard lesson to swallow. I haven't been a great learner or accepted it well.  But I am leaning in and willing to be fulfilled by the Lord before anything else or any man.

As much as I would love to be married, have a couple kids, living this dream I have planned out. I would much rather be single than married to the wrong man. Or even dating the wrong person. Its a journey that I'm on. Its not pretty but I'm still here willing to find contentment in the Lord over any man.

So where ever you find yourself as you read this blog tonight, today, this morning. Evaluate your own journey. See where you are finding your fulfillment. Ask the Lord to meet you right where you are. Because he listens and will meet you! He cares so much for you and your heart. Married. Single. Widowed. Engaged. In a relationship. Divorced.