Life is but a Vapor

James 4:14
"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog- it's here a little while, then its gone."

As I read this verse it woke me up. Life is but a vapor. We aren't promised tomorrow, next month, or next year. So how are you living each day? Are you living it to the fullest? Making the most of every opportunity? Being excellent in your job? Pouring into others? Loving people? Helping people in need? Encouraging others? Helping people in struggles you've experienced? The questions could go on.

But its time for me to get real with you guys. Honesty helps with making changes. I'm guilty of not living each day to my best ability. I get lazy at times, I isolate at times, I put sleep over meeting with someone who needs me, my long hours working is an excuse, and the excuses go on.

As 2013 ends and we embark on 2014 I am encouraged to step out of myself and make life fully worth living and changing the world. Life is but a vapor is my mantra (motto) for this coming year. I'm challenged to go deeper and be more intentional in many areas of my life!

I know that I want to continue pursuing my passion at the Little Rock Abortion Clinic, pouring into others who struggle with addictions, being a light to others, finish college in May, work towards moving to Nashville. Lots of things I have my mind set towards.

What are somethings you want to change this next year considering we aren't promised tomorrow. Live each day to the fullest! Live the life God has called YOU specially to live. He has a great plan for you, just be obedient and choose His plan over your own!

I just wanted to share some pictures of my heart where I like to spend my Saturdays. This is me speaking life for the unborn at the abortion clinic! God will use you right where you are.

Just wanted to share a couple pictures of where I like to spend my Saturdays. This does not always happen on Saturdays but I do my best to be there.

LIFE IS BUT A VAPOR...........something to think about how you spend your time!

The Joy of Giving

Its just a few days until Christmas and we are all scrambling to buy last minute gifts and the perfect gift for that special friend, family member, or best friend. I know last night I was go from store to store trying to find gifts. It can be stressful at times.

Even though you are buying for others do you ever get stuck in thinking "what is everyone getting me"? I have!!! But this year has been different for me personally. I have probably spent too much on people. I am at a point in my life where I find joy in giving. And it doesn't matter if you spent 10 dollars or 300 dollars on gifts this year. Its the thought that counts.

Here are a few ideas you can find JOY in giving:
1) Write a handwritten note. YES, I did say handwritten. Weird I know.
2) Take a friend to coffee.
3) Buy dinner for that family member or friend.
4) Leave a larger tip than normal to that waiter/waitress. Yes, I've been a server and its a blessing when you are given more.
5) Take a moment to listen to that friend. Holidays are a struggle for more people than you realize.
6) Help the elderly person in Kroger, wal-mart.
7) Give a coat or warm clothes to the homeless person.
8) A simple hug and a smile is always a JOY.
9) Make that phone call to that friend or family member you haven't connected with in a long time.
10) Go through your closet and take stuff you don't wear anymore to a shelter where people could use it.

These are just a few easy ways you can give to others in this season. Once you take the "I want" and "I need" out of the equation you will find freedom in giving to others. I pray that you will step out of your comfort zone and do something out of the ordinary for others.

Staying free through the Holidays

A lot of you may be like myself who have struggle with an addiction, depression, anxiety, co-dependency, and other many other struggles. Have you found that the holidays are more challenging? I know that I have. You maybe triggered by going back to the places where your issue began, being around certain family members, being judged, the stress of the holidays may trigger it also. Many things trigger people to go back to old behaviors.

BUT...yes a big BUT. This year can be different from years past. You can began today December 16, 2013 to make a decision to make a plan of action. Write a list out of your triggers so you are aware of those. Pray and ask God to specifically reveal them to you. Then make a plan of action.

First we need to call on God. He is our ultimate helper and counselor. Find someone you trust and can call when that trigger happens. Make a plan with this person. Find encouragement in knowing that someone has your back and will help your through your struggles. Keep verses on hand to meditate on and will encourage you during the challenging times.

Have hope  knowing that this year you don't have to struggle through the holidays. There is HOPE in Jesus. He sent his son for YOU and for YOU this CHRISTmas season. Don't fret about what's ahead just make the plan and stick to it. God wants you to have freedom this holiday season and most of all he wants you to live in freedom always.

Keep your head up and don't beat yourself up for falling. Just get back up and keep fighting the good fight! Its worth the fight!

What is toxic in your life?

In the past week something has weighed very heavy on my heart. The word "toxic" comes to mind. Which means "something that has poison in it." A lot of things can be toxic in our lives: relationships, addictions, laziness, health, overly doing something, and many other things.

Today I want to hit on relationships. We all can sit here and think of at least one or two people that we could do away with in our lives. These are the people who put you down, discourage you, don't share in your passions, they aren't receptive to your advice, want to argue with you, live in fear of your rejection. These are a few things that have been brought to my own life.

Its hard to let people go and especially if you care for them but some are so toxic that they need to be out of your own personal life. It will only bring you more pain and anxiety to your daily life. Is this how God wants us to live? He truly wants us to have people in our lives where people encourage us and we encourage others.

A way of living in a healthy friendship has been taught to me this way:
1) Have people who are more mature spiritually to invest in you. This has been very vital in my life. I have learned so much from a woman who has walked some hard roads with me. She has loved me the way God loves me.
2) Have a few friends on your own level of spiritual maturity. These friends you both encourage one another. You walk life together. Play sports, run, drink coffee together, text daily, hang out with on the weekends, go on trips together.
3) Have people you invest in. We have people we need to love on. But make sure this relationship DOES NOT become toxic. Because they can become this way. We need to make sure we do have a couple people we invest our time in. We become fulfilled this way. Also God wants us to have these people to pour into.

We aren't called to do life alone but we are for sure not called to live in miserable toxic relationships. So work on getting rid of those toxic people who bring you down and find the JOY in healthy relationships that the lord has called us to!

Whose fighting for you?

My life sometimes feels like a roller coaster. And I use my daily life in how I write my blogs. So as I begin this one, I want to ask you a question: Whose fighting for you? This has been a revelation that I've had just this week.

As some of you know I just recently went through an engagement break up in August. And I've dealt pretty well with the circumstances. I've had my ups and my downs with it. As we all do when something dramatic happens in your life. If you've been through a major break up in your life, you know how my emotions have been a roller coaster over the past 3 months. I know I made the right decision in breaking it off and have had much support!

As I've shared, its been ups and downs and the people closet to me know the details and know the emotions I went through. I will respect my ex and not share all the dirty details of our past relationship. But I do want to share the revelation that God gave me last week to bring much closure that I've needed and I believe this will help many of you dealing with any type of situation or trial.

I was in some prayer time and God spoke so clearly to me. So clear and evident that I didn't question it one bit. God spoke to me "He never fought for you. Not once." In the big picture this was protection for me not to go back. But God said "Whitney, I have been fighting for you since day one, even before you bowed your knee down to me." I was like WHOA WHOA!!! It brought me such a peace and new perspective that I have been needing.

Two verses that I have looked up since this revelation:

Exodus 14:14
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Deuteronomy 3:22
" Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you."

Doing a little research and looking up that God himself is daily fighting for us. He hasn't left us! So even the feelings of not being fought for in a relationship with my ex, I know that my God has fought for me! Friends no matter how you are feeling and how bad things are going in your life. Know the Lord is fighting the battle for you. He has never left your side, even if you feel like he has. I know I feel so hopeless at times and then I see God work in an amazing way in my life to remind me he is fighting for me!!! He is fighting for you! In your despair today you have not lost your battle, it is being fought for you right now.

I love that in my darkest days that we serve a God that is fighting for ME and YOU each day! How much hope does that give you? It excites me to fight my next battle. And we are ALL in one. Even when you don't feel others fighting for you and your let down by them. Know you serve a mighty God who will ALWAYS fight for you.

Be encouraged that you are being fought for daily. He is our protector.

The Way Society Views Self-Image

Guys I'm going to get gut level honest. I'm so sickened this evening as I write this blog post. There are few things I'm passionate about and Eating disorders is one of them. I post about my personal journey on here and I'm not ashamed of it either. I'm beyond open about this journey because its a beautiful journey!

You ask, why am I so sickened? Well I was on facebook this week and saw a blog post "5 reasons to date a girl with an eating disorder"

http://www.returnofkings.com/21313/5-reasons-to-date-a-girl-with-an-eating-disorder

If you'd like to check it out yourself do, but be prepared to be disturbed in how the world views people with EDs.

1)  "Her obsession over her body will improve her overall looks"
that was his number one on the top 5 of the list. We as women want to look nice and we try hard to achieve this goal. I know I'm guilty of it. But when I was deep into my addiction of my eating disorder I wanted to be in my room and always in sweats. I didn't have a single bit of confidence to be with people. So in reality it doesn't always improve "her" overall looks. And also he isn't looking at her heart. He is only looking at the outward apperience.  He sadly hasn't even taken the time to look beyond her looks, size, fashion. Because I know that girl is dying on the inside. Something had to have happened to the person to trigger the control of food. But this guy is not concerned about her mental health. There's always a "Why" behind the action. And it takes time to get to the reason why. But we as men and women have to take that moment to dig deeper and get to know that person whose hurting, build trust, and allow the Lord to use you in their healing and journey.

1 Samuel 16:7 MSG
 But God told Samuel, "looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and Women look at the face; God looks into the heart."

2) "She cost less money"
REALLY?? Hello world?? Why are we all so messed up? Yes I said it! We are MESSED up. But we are covered by the blood of Jesus. He says " she gets a side salad, small meal, or just eats off of his plate. If he truly is pursuing this woman for hopes of a future relationship he's going to be very disappointed when she begins to eat and wants to find healing and recovery. Her body, mental state, socially shift, and attitude will all change. What happens when she he takes her out on a date and the tab is an extra 20$ because she has chosen to eat? Does he dump her then? Does he leave her because of the extra 5 lbs she's gained?? Shouldn't this man (boy) not look at how much she cost but look at the beauty inside. She probably radiates MORE than he would ever know. People who struggle with eating disorders are: some of the most beautiful people, have the biggest heart, compassionate, caring, loving, best friends, mothers, sisters, daughters, mentors, encourager's. THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE!!!


3) "she's fragile and vulnerable"
As he states since girls with eating disorders are so insecure that they are better to be around than the obnoxious girls who " have it all together". Okay even those girls are insecure, you just may not see it as much as you do with a girl whose struggling with an eating disorder. He likes that she always wants to please him. This comes with the territory of a woman in general and most people dealing with an eating disorder wants to make everyone happy. Its truth. But this is not what we have to define her as. See the sweet, tender, helpful, tasteful woman behind the masks of an eating disorder. People need to stop taking advantage of these sweet spirited women and take a moment and look on the inside of who God created them to be. God loves each and everyone of us.

4) " Probably has money of her own."
I"m literally laughing out loud! It's a rich and white girl issue. I'm sorry but this is so far from the truth. I have seen most races, ethnicity's, cultures who deal with severe eating disorders. So don't be surprised when an African American girl shows up and shares her struggle. It comes in ALL, shapes, sizes, and forms. Its in other countries where there is not as much money and not much education. People struggle whether they are living in poverty or living well above poverty. And what does it matter which level we're in anyways? Aren't we ALL called to live in unity as one? So it doesn't matter how much money you have. Money most likely didn't cause their eating disorder. Money situation did not begin my battle of an eating disorder. Abuse, hurt, anxiety, and acceptance all began my own battle.

5) " She's better in bed" I'm not going here with this topic.

I was pretty irate when I saw this post. So I needed to have a little rant. I am very passionate about fighting for people who struggle with eating disorders. I know how hard it can be, I've been there. We need support from others!  When people belittle a disease that takes so many lives just hurts me. I lost a dear friend just nearly 2 months ago to a life long battle of an eating disorder. This disease took over her mind and body. So I pray that we will stop enlightening it and tell it for what it really is! WE can save lives with the help and strength from the Lord!

If you are in the midst of a hard battle please contact me. I'd love to walk this out with you. God has done miracle after miracle in my life and the healing I've had from my eating disorder. Don't get me wrong, I still have days where its hard but you just have to fight those days! Keep your head up! Stay strong and keep SWIMMING!

Leaving a Legacy

O Lord, If you heal me,

I will be truly healed;

If you save me,

I will be truly saved.

My praises are for you ALONE!

My sweet friend has gone to be with the Lord a little over a week ago. I had many emotions and thoughts to hearing this news. But the one thing God continued to show me in my prayer time was: "Whitney live out the Legacy she always wanted for women and that is to bring freedom to others."

Background:
Christen and I met October 13, 2010 in Lincoln, California at Mercy Ministries. The first thing I remember of her was her angelic eyes and sweet spirit. She had just gotten to Mercy also so we both had a lot of the same emotions going on. We also had some of the same struggles. Christen LOVED God and others. We spent six months together. Day in and day out together doing life together. We had MANY laughs and MANY tears together. Even on Christen's rough days she could put a smile on your face or make you laugh. Her focus was always on others! Some favorite memories together were: going to the mall on Fridays, walking to the gym together, sitting in the exercise room sharing secrets, praying together, encouraging each other, snack times (because we were on mandatory snacks), backyard walks, and much more.

I was able to stay in touch with Christen over the past two and a half years. She had many ups and downs over the years but always kept her focus on God and being healed. Christen never lost hope on beating her battle of anorexia and bulimia, she worked HARD. Harder than most people. Her heart was to be a dietitian and help women overcome eating disorders. She had a heart of gold. If you had the opportunity to spend just a short time with Christen, you would know how much of a sweet encourager she was. She wanted everyone to be okay and to overcome. I loved the many times we had those deep heart to hearts about how she would one day help other people conquer the battle of an eating disorder. Sadly, this dream did not come to pass in her life here on earth. But here's the encouragement for my friends and acquaintances who are reading this blog. She is now healed and in heaven and no longer struggling. And if you are a survivor of an eating disorder or struggling today we can be encouraged by Christen's fight because she fought the good fight.

As God gave me the words "live out the Legacy she always wanted for women and that was to bring freedom to others" my whole perspective changed about where I was in life. It gave me a new drive to help others with eating disorders, addictions, and overcoming other issues. I want to fight harder for others because of my sweet friend Christen. Christen would only want others to overcome and be happy with themselves. So lets rise up and be that legacy for her. Allow the Lord to give you the strength for each day. She wants you to live a life of abundance.

I had the opportunity this past week actually exactly one week after Christen passed to speak at Mercy Ministries. I had many emotions going to the place that saved my life and brought healing to me but the feeling of  emptiness of Christen no longer being here because the enemy kept her in bondage. So yes I shared my testimony but more importantly I spoke the truth of how the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy and to be alert of that but to hang onto the promise that I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full (in abundance). I wanted them to be encouraged to continue the fight after they leave Mercy. I know Christen would want me to encourage anyone who has any type of struggle to fight until the end. And that the only hope comes from Jesus.

KEEP FIGHTING FRIENDS!!!

What do you see in the mirror?

When you look in the mirror what are your first words about yourself? Do you look at yourself and say WOW, I look good. I'm beautiful?? OKAY who am I kidding here??? I'm a woman here :) 

Sometimes those thoughts would be: I'm so fat. This makes me look fat and old. I'm too hippy. I have a big butt. My chest is too flat. My arms are flabby. I don't look good. I'm so disgusted with myself. I have a double chin. My thighs touch each other. I'm not tone enough. So the list could go on.

Have you ever found yourself saying the same sayings over and over? I know for years I have. It started at an extremely young age. I can remember by 10 years old pinching the "fat" on my stomach, arms, and legs. I was so consumed. At the time I didn't realize it was the enemy getting in my life and finding my weaknesses against me. I was blinded for many years. I hit a point where I hated my body and even my looks. 

Most of my preteen-my mid twenties I had many issues where I took it to the extremes. I starved myself to bingeing and purging to over exercising, and from diet pills to laxative abuse. This was my life for 14 years. Can you imagine this being your daily life? And it maybe your life right now. You may feel so hopeless and see noway out of this pain. Well I want you to know I'm here to help you through this battle. I want to walk this journey with women. 

I didn't start overcoming my addiction related to eating disorders/exercise disorder until I hit rock bottom. I wanted help because I knew my outcome would soon be death. At 24 years old knowing the survival rate was ticking scared me a little. My family caring so much about me to tell me, how scared they were for my life was a wake up call. The people who love you the most and I couldn't leave them because of an addiction. God had bigger plans for me. 

God opened a door for me to attend a free christian program called Mercy Ministries (www.mercyministries.org) and this is where God got a hold of me and changed my life forever. No it hasn't been an easy journey just because I accepted Jesus as my Savior. But its what has helped me through my battle of anorexia and exercise addiction (these were my two biggest disorders but dealt with all the different types of eating disorders). I now had a renewed hope. Mercy helped me so much more than any other treatment in the past, and I believe it did because they put Jesus first and I had to deal with past abuse, hurt, rejection, anxiety, depression, anger, and much more. The deep rooted issues. Have you thought about the past and the deep things that hurt you the most? Those things could be the cause to your struggle. 

So I share some deep emotions of my past eating disorder I dealt with for TOO LONG! Here is when you know you have overcome and had true freedom:

Yesterday, I had my "yearly" exam (fun times right? :) ). The first thing my doctor said was you have finally put some weight back on. Okay you've read my past and some of you reading my blog know me very well and know my deep struggles. You would think, when I hear  weight gain means "fat or ugly." But this time I had a peace about the comment for the first time in my 27 years of life. CRAZY huh? I knew then the freedom God has given me. I knew that gaining weight didn't mean fat or ugly or any other lie I would usually believe. I knew the redemption of Jesus Christ in that moment. I felt like I could conquer the world at that moment. I was like BAM look at that satan. So what that I gained 10 pounds in the past year. I needed to gain that weight. For the first time in my life I have maintained and kept around the same weight for over 6 months. Take that! 

The reason I shared that story is because I realized for the first time in my life, I am fully confident in who God created me to be as a woman. I am very active: I run 4-5 days a week, I am on a Gluten Free diet,  but I do allow a few sweets in :) all a balance! 

Ladies if you are struggling in any area of food, weight, and exercise I am here to say I GET YOU! If you want to talk, meet up for coffee, text. I am here to walk this journey with you. I am praying for you even if I don't know your name.

My email:

whitneyrwest@yahoo.com

Challenge for this week: Take a step and be bold about your struggles. Whether thats a close friend, a spouse, or me. 

The more you expose your struggles the more free you become. And the enemy no longer has you in a bondage of having a "secret"

I'm rooting you on precious ladies!! 

He has called you by name

....GOD HAS CALLED YOU BY NAME.....

Take a minute and let that settle in your spirit. This has hit me hard this week. And for the life of me have not been able to get that phrase out of my head. I've pondered and yes again pondered! I'm a bit analytical and think too much on certain things. Which is not always a good thing :) so don't learn from me in some areas. But God has been messing with my spirit in this area. Something became real this week.

So I looked up the meaning of my name just to see if it had any significance. Whitney meaning "White Island" my first thought was OKAY...White Island. Then God gave me White=Pure and Island=Freedom. Sounds weird how God speaks to me but brought much clarity of my name and who I am.

Have you ever taken a moment to research what your name means? Because now I see God calling me:  Freedom and Pure. He's not yelling at me or calling me names that don't belong to me. Take a moment and look at what your name means. God may speak to you through the name given to you by your parents. Its truly freedom to look at the meaning.

Here's the twist on the whole "He has called you by name."  God gave me another revelation during this time. Take a step back of the meaning of the name given to you by your parents and ask God what he calls you. God has given you a name specifically for you and you only. Get on your knees before the Lord and ask him what your name is. He will share it with you and encourage you deeply. He wants you to know how loved and accepted you are by him.

As I prayed about what God calls me by, it was amazing to hear him speaking to me. God has named me "worthy" which means honorable and admirable. This hit home to because for years I allowed all my past mistakes and sins to hold me back. I thought I was a horrible person for years. I didn't feel like I could be accepted by anyone. I was dirty. I was ugly. I was fat. I was a liar. I was an addict. I couldn't amount to anything. I was a failure. And I could continue on with my list and get uglier with the details

BUT this is where my hope came in! God began to call me "WORTHY" which means- honorable, admirable, respected, valued, adequate, excellence, honest, victorious, and righteous. Whoa deep breath there.

How cool is it that God gives each of us a name he calls us by. I encourage each of you to sit down, get on your knees, journal. Whatever ways you connect best with God and allow him to speak the truth of what your name is to HIM. And he will bring freedom to you and hope to you. Don't allow the past of your life to be "your name" because that's not who God sees. He sees you as a totally different person.

The Call

Do you ever question yourself or God about your call in life? Or why this door was closed and not opened?

Lets be real. I do more often then not. Its a challenge when you have a HUGE heart for something and can only do very little with it. But I am reminded of what God says "do not grow weary" and it keeps me going. It keeps me at peace knowing all things work together for His good. I am encouraged daily whether that's through the word of God, through a friend, or through a podcast. Staying focused on the heavenly perspective has helped me during this season for sure. We are all called to do big things so keep seeking the Lord and he will show you and show up in a BIG way! Lets not continue to conform to this world and having little dreams but BIG God dreams!

As I'm in the midst of seeing the Big Dream God has given me I am having to stand firm and not allow the enemy to tell me any different. So stand up,  speak to the devil ,and tell him he has NO power over your dreams and calling in life. He will come to kill, steal, and destroy but remember God came to give you life and it in abundance!!!!! Love that. I'm excited to hear what each of you feel that your calling is in life. So send me messages and share! I'd love to pray and support you in your God calling.

I want to share a story of a family who are living out their calling right now as I'm typing this. Today I said "see ya later" to a family that I have grown to love and care for on a deep level. Lauren and I were running just back in January or February and she mentioned that they were praying about moving to Russia to work with the orphans.
A background story to the Harrington's is after the entire family went to Russia they met two older children. They began the adoption process: raising money, paper work, visas, and much more. Then the devastating news came over the news for us all. Russia was NO longer allowing international adoption. So this is when they began talking about moving over there. I was extremely excited for them but the selfish part of me was thinking, who will I run with? Who can I just sit on the couch with and just chill? Many selfish questions. But as Lauren and I continued to run and hang out, I was able to hear and see her heart on their call for this season. I loved the excitement they all had about this nation. Its been super neat to walk this journey with them over the past 6-8 months and I'm thankful for it. This family of four are WORLD CHANGERS!!!! I'm excited to skype, read their blogs, and hear updates of all the cool ministry things they are doing!! I love this verse because its exactly what the Harrington's are doing: James: 1:27- Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after Orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. Their heart is to go love on the Orphans of Russia. I'm so excited about seeing all this unfold and what the next two years look like.

Friends that is just one story of people following the call of Jesus. Its time to rise up and all of us follow the call Jesus has for us. I'm excited to continue to see what God is unfolding right now in my life. As it continues to be shown I will share. Exciting things ahead. I encourage each of you to dream God dreams.

Things to ponder:
What is the call of God on your life?
What steps do you need to take in order for this to come to pass?
Are you willing to take that step?
What is holding you back?

I'm preaching to the choir right now and feeling convicted as I write those questions down. So your not alone! Lets rise up friends and live out our calling in life!!!!

Breaking Free

Before reading my blog take a moment and interpret the picture yourself.

I saw this picture on facebook the other night as I was going through my news feed and it caught my attention. And I'm not a person whose into art or sculpture's at all. As I looked more into this, I saw a meaning that hit home to me.

If you have known me for a while you may know I've dealt with an eating disorder and other addictive behaviors. I'm very thankful for the Lords Grace to help me overcome these compulsions. Things are not nearly as challenging as they have been in the past but I still have my struggles at times. I believe its because I try to keep the Lord as center of my life and lean on him for everything. No I'm not perfect at this at all. But its my goal to daily seek him in all areas of my life.

As I dealt with anorexia and bulimia for many years of my life I felt like this picture until I became the woman God created me to be. When you are trapped into an addiction or even sin you cant change it and feel completely trapped. You see the person in the first part and they are stuck. This is by far the worst feeling to have. You know when you are in a closed room or super close to people and can't find a way out? This is how it feels to be trapped in an addiction. During my eating disorder I felt hopeless and worthless. At one point in 2010 I thought I was going to die of anorexia. I was at my lowest (numbers don't matter so please don't ask) weight and having a lot of health issues going on. Doctors after doctors was my life. I was in my mind thinking this is how my life is and this is how I'm going to die at 24 years old. I was miserable friends. I didn't have God in my life during this time it was the enemy speaking every lie possible to me. But then I found Mercy Ministries. (www.mercyministries.com) This changed my life. Because I met God and found him personally for the first time.

So in the second part of the person fighting to break free. Once you come out of denial and admit the issue, you can begin to heal. The person trying to break free is sometimes the hardest. That's because you have to deal with the underlining hurt and issues that caused you to go into your struggle or addiction. In this part I started feeling a tiny bit of hope. Not much but it was there. I think God had gotten a hold of me by this time. When God is in the center of your life you can have hope and work through the hard things. So feeling a bit of hope kept me on track to become healed and whole for the first time in my life. One thing to remember in this process that Satan will do anything I mean ANYTHING to keep you stuck and in pain! Don't allow that to happen. He is under your feet.

You see the person who is fighting hard to break free from the mold is next. She's so close to freedom. Goodness I still sometimes feel like I'm so close yet so far because the problem seems so stinking huge. But if we are allowing God to walk with us in our struggles, nothings too big because he's a BIG God! I've been at this place many times in my life and still find myself so close to beating whatever my Goliath is but still defeated. We don't have to stay here because God wants better for us. I can remember in my eating disorder specifically being here in this phase and so close. I felt defeated for a long time. Satan still had a little hold on my life and I continued to allow this. But I could now see the light! I knew there was so much hope and such a testimony at the end of this. So I kept running and running hard towards the break through.

Can you not just feel the freedom right now seeing this woman break fully free from all the junk she had been holding on too?? This is how God wants us to live. I know that dealing with my eating disorder for many years I can fit into each mold and sometimes I go back to almost free to completely free. I love the picture of her just dancing and being free. There is joy and hope in all situation. So no matter how big the struggle or addiction you can have hope in Jesus!! Live a life of freedom and helping others through there journey. We need people to walk life with. We need cheerleaders, encourager's, faithful friends, God, the bible, and much more to fully overcome! Get connected with others who will fill in the gap.

Since I focused on my eating disorder from the mold. I want to encourage all my women friends to not be consumed by this world and what they say we should look like, the number on the scale, the size of our jeans, how much we should exercise, and what our diet should look like. This is where we all find our identity. I do and have to be brought back to reality of who God sees me as. He sees me as beautiful regardless of my size. He loves me more than what I look like. He cherishes me just because of who I am. He doesn't care the number on the scale. He just wants me to be healthy. Yes God wants us to be healthy physically, emotionally, but most importantly spiritually. Take a moment ladies and sit before the Lord and allow him to whisper the things he believes about you.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

Gratitude or Attitude

If you've read my last couple blogs you can see a lot of change and maybe even hurt going on in my life and heart. And YES its been a challenging season!! But such an amazing time seeking the Lord and getting on my knees before God. One thing I've realized is that God wants us on our knees not only when things are challenging but always. Even when things are going great.

With all the things going on I've hit a few challenges along the way. I have struggled between wanting to have a horrible ungodly attitude towards my circumstances and trying to be full of gratitude towards the Lord and the closest people around me. I've learned its okay to grieve and process all the hurt going on but finding a balance is the key.

Going back to my attitude during this season isn't always pretty and I'm not proud of it. I would be embarrassed if people saw or heard the conversations in my head, with the people closest to me, and with God. I know God wants to see the rawness and realness of where I am because he already knows. He accepts us right where we are. And how freeing is knowing this truth! I am so grateful for this.

But I also have been challenged with showing gratitude during this season. God has showed up in such a tender way to whisper, "Whitney choose JOY and I will bring you HOPE!" When I began to sit still and listen to God's small voice talking to me, my life changed.

I definitely still struggle with choosing to be thankful during this season but its made my outlook so much better than it had been. And as  I've chosen to approach this season with gratitude the peace of the Lord has overcome me. I am so thankful for how the Lord and my support system has reached out and accepted me right where I am.

How can you change your attitude to gratitude during a tough season you are walking through??

Lets Get REAL

Real-(Adj)-

Genuine and authentic

As I looked up definitions of "real" this was the one that caught my eye. How many of us are asked on a daily basis "How are you today?" and we reply "great, life is fabulous, good." I know I'm guilty of this. But lets be real with each other today. We aren't always GREAT but portray it when asked how you are doing. We even tell the people we are closest to the same thing and the ones closest to us care the most. 

We need community with others who we can be real (Genuine and Authentic) with. God makes it really clear in the bible about how we need to be with other believers in community. This is to encourage us, pray for one another, meet another's need, a listening ear, and to walk through life with other believers.

You may think all the above sounds good but I'm not ready for that. And that's OKAY. We are all on different levels of wanting to break down the walls and get real with one another. I understand the thoughts going through your mind right now. You are thinking being real with others will expose your weaknesses, judge your issues, trusting the other person, being talked about behind your back. The list can go on. I get all of those feelings and most women feel the same way.  I can share from personal experience that I used to not like being real with my true feelings, ESP with others. Until God showed me the importance of having godly women in my life. What freedom comes out of breaking down the walls and having a couple people you can get real with. 

I pray that the season I'm in will encourage you to consider breaking down your walls.

I'm a woman that likes to do it herself and ask for zero help. Well God definitely has shown me different over the past month. I have been at the same job for almost 2 1/2 years. I've known for a while that my season would be coming to an end with my current job. I just needed to take a step of faith and step out. It was not a bad company at all but not moving up and not having a raise since starting, I knew something had to give. I began my search for jobs. This freaked me out a little bit. I had been comfortable for 2 1/2 years. I got an interview with a company. Super stoked about going to it. My heart to serve women, walk through life with them, and most importantly women come to Christ as their Savior  is my heart beat. So I jumped on the opportunity for this job. I was excited. Then slowly God revealed it was not the right fit for me. I was pretty bummed. I needed major wisdom from God and the couple people who speak complete honest truth to me. I sought wisdom. It was evident this was not a place for me to enter. I dealt with tons of anxiety and different emotions knowing I don't have a job. This goes back to my pride and wanting to be independent. Still tons of emotions going through my mind but through the word of God and others in my life he has brought more peace than I ever could have imagined. 

I have gone back to a verse we ALL know probably by heart. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13

"For I know the plans I have for YOU", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

So this is where I'm at in life. Learning more and more about myself, seeking the word of God first  and a couple women who speak truth in my life. I encourage you to start breaking down the walls and become free to share!! You will find much freedom!!!! 

Are you swimming through a storm?

When you think of the storm your in what are the first thoughts? Why God? Why me? I can't make it through this? I need a miracle. I don't understand this? I hate my life? I'm so angry at (you fill in the blank). I could continue on with the negative thoughts but lets not dwell on that specifically. I've been there, I've lived there, I've dwelled in all those questions. I wonder how I could keep my head above water.

My year felt like many of times. I have had to live with consequences of a 12 year battle of bulemia and anorexia. I have had freedom over this addiction for nearly three years but still had many consequences. I remember going to my surgeon last August and hearing all that I needed done. My bones in my mouth had deteroirated so badly where I needed to have bone added, teeth pulled, and implants. Then my body rejected some of these surgeries. I grew weary! I had everything removed for a few months to go back into surgery just two weeks ago. Within a week my body was rejecting once again. But friends I had a choice to make this time. Will I choose to cling to God's word or continue to ask the qustions from above. YES I WAS FRUSTRATED!! But as God says you can be angry but don't sin in your anger!

Like I said above I had to make a choice. Would I choose God's word or would I continue living in my pit. I chose to fully give it up and put it in Gods hand and find strength in God. It was not easy but worth it in the end. The joy I found, the encouragement from the word and friends, strength that I never knew I had, and HOPE that only comes from Jesus.

Its not been fun and not proud to say that I've had 9 surgeries in one year on my mouth. What I have learned and how I've grown in the Lord is the best part about it. I am thankful for this season. I had to "SLOW DOWN" my fast paced life and focus on what is important and get my priorities right. Learning that the Lord provides in ALL things is huge and he showed up more than I ever could have imagined. Yes all of the mouth issues were from past issues but learning about the Grace of God and how much he loves me and REDEEMS me from it made it all worth it.

So my question for you is what storm are you swimming through with your head barely above water??

You can find hope and strength in Jesus. It too shall pass but it may be months just as mine was. Don't lose your faith. The hope of Jesus lives right in you.

"Where the Spirit of the Lord lives, there is FREEDOM"

We all can live in this freedom. It just takes some of us (ME) longer than others to find it because we have to die to self and give control up to Jesus!!!!

The Prodigal Child

Luke 15:18-24 18I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

20“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’

22“But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

I woke up the other morning with such a heavy heart. Nothing big going on that should have made me feel this way. But the past of all my sins were playing in my head and the enemy was using them against me to get me down and feel unworthy. But the awesome thing was God reminded me of the Prodigal Son in the bible. For the life of me I couldn't remember where it was found. So I did a search online and found it in Luke. I was so thankful I was able to combat the lies of my past with his word. 

How many of you can sit here and think of  the things you've done or been through to feel so inadequate and unworthy of everything? Because of you running away from God, dealing with an addiction, being complacent in your relationships and especially with God, laziness, loneliness, depression, anxiety, come from a broken home? I know that I have dealt with all the above in some sort of capacity. And at times it still comes back to my mind and the enemy tries so hard to get me down but God always shows up by speaking to me through scriptures, through prayer, and through my close friends who are my support system.

No matter your struggle there is HOPE!!! Go back up and read through Luke 15. The son left his family because he wanted his inheritance early. He messed up, he sinned, walked away from God and his family. But once he realized he was so far gone he was willing to go back and work for his father. But look at the encouragement at the end of the passage. "Go quick and bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. Get a calf and lets celebrate." This is how God feels about YOU! He doesn't care where you've been or what your coming out of, He's waiting to celebrate YOU! Don't give any hold to the enemy because you are worth much more and the Lord is just waiting on you. How encouraging to know that you will always have an eternal love from the father. Stay strong friends and realize that you are loved, cherished, wanted, worthy, celebrated, beautiful, awesome, wanted. Be encouraged. 

The Two Year Mark

April 13th will make it two years since I graduated from Mercy Ministries. What a journey that was! I went into Mercy a broken little girl trapped in a woman's body. I had a lot of hurt and pain to deal with. I was struggling with many internal battles. The enemy had held me captive for way too long. I have many amazing memories with the women I lived with and walked life with for many months but most importantly I truly found Jesus.

It was some of the hardest months I have endured digging deep into the hurts, but it also was some of the sweetest moments I have had. God took the brokenness and made it beautiful! I am grateful for my time I had at Mercy. I received so much freedom in God that I would have never found if it weren't for Mercy. God used Mercy to change the destructive path I was on to bring freedom so I can now live by Isaiah 61. To help set the captives free. We are all called to do this.

The two years of being home have not always been the easiest but I now had HOPE knowing that God would carry me through and not let me down! I have had many oral surgeries and another one to come. Talk about a faith walk in trusting God for healing! I have been able to go to Haiti and serve the hurting over there. Loved the country and the people in Haiti! I now have dreams that surpass all anything I could do but God can do it!! It all started at Mercy to give me another chance at life! I am forever grateful for those months!

Most of all its by the Grace of God I am who I am today. He has done so much and continues to do much. Its an exciting season I am entering. To be excited about life feels good!

                                                            Me two months before entering Mercy. August 2010

                                                               Mercy Graduation April 2011

                                                       Me today!

This is how GOOD GOD IS!!!! The transformation that God can do in just two years! I am forever grateful for the freedom God has given me.



If you are struggling with any type of addictions or problem there is a God that can set you free.
"where the spirit of the Lord is there is FREEDOM"
There is NOTHING too big that God can't do!

When the Healing Begins

As alot of you know I've had a LONG 8 months of mouth issues. One surgery after another, dentist visits and much more. Its been a journey to say the least!

I had this last surgery January 30th, 2013. It was the most invasive one yet. During the recovery period that I had, I got really discouraged. I questioned if I would ever stop being in pain or ever feel good again. It was a long 14 days. I begged God to take away my pain after 7 days of hurting. As time passed God started to speak to me. The whole mouth issues still doesn't all make sense but I link it to my past issues. As God started to speak and show me that its a season to slow down and just BE. He gave me this peace that surpasses all understanding on about day 9 of post surgery. Doesn't mean its been easy but the peace God gives me has carried me through.

This has grown my faith more than before because I had to fully rely on Him and no one else. It took a good 2.5 weeks to start feeling really good. My point is that its been a struggle over the past months but we go through things to only make us stronger in God. He meets us right where we are.

What do you need healing in today? Whats the next step you will take in your healing process?