Breaking Free

Before reading my blog take a moment and interpret the picture yourself.

I saw this picture on facebook the other night as I was going through my news feed and it caught my attention. And I'm not a person whose into art or sculpture's at all. As I looked more into this, I saw a meaning that hit home to me.

If you have known me for a while you may know I've dealt with an eating disorder and other addictive behaviors. I'm very thankful for the Lords Grace to help me overcome these compulsions. Things are not nearly as challenging as they have been in the past but I still have my struggles at times. I believe its because I try to keep the Lord as center of my life and lean on him for everything. No I'm not perfect at this at all. But its my goal to daily seek him in all areas of my life.

As I dealt with anorexia and bulimia for many years of my life I felt like this picture until I became the woman God created me to be. When you are trapped into an addiction or even sin you cant change it and feel completely trapped. You see the person in the first part and they are stuck. This is by far the worst feeling to have. You know when you are in a closed room or super close to people and can't find a way out? This is how it feels to be trapped in an addiction. During my eating disorder I felt hopeless and worthless. At one point in 2010 I thought I was going to die of anorexia. I was at my lowest (numbers don't matter so please don't ask) weight and having a lot of health issues going on. Doctors after doctors was my life. I was in my mind thinking this is how my life is and this is how I'm going to die at 24 years old. I was miserable friends. I didn't have God in my life during this time it was the enemy speaking every lie possible to me. But then I found Mercy Ministries. (www.mercyministries.com) This changed my life. Because I met God and found him personally for the first time.

So in the second part of the person fighting to break free. Once you come out of denial and admit the issue, you can begin to heal. The person trying to break free is sometimes the hardest. That's because you have to deal with the underlining hurt and issues that caused you to go into your struggle or addiction. In this part I started feeling a tiny bit of hope. Not much but it was there. I think God had gotten a hold of me by this time. When God is in the center of your life you can have hope and work through the hard things. So feeling a bit of hope kept me on track to become healed and whole for the first time in my life. One thing to remember in this process that Satan will do anything I mean ANYTHING to keep you stuck and in pain! Don't allow that to happen. He is under your feet.

You see the person who is fighting hard to break free from the mold is next. She's so close to freedom. Goodness I still sometimes feel like I'm so close yet so far because the problem seems so stinking huge. But if we are allowing God to walk with us in our struggles, nothings too big because he's a BIG God! I've been at this place many times in my life and still find myself so close to beating whatever my Goliath is but still defeated. We don't have to stay here because God wants better for us. I can remember in my eating disorder specifically being here in this phase and so close. I felt defeated for a long time. Satan still had a little hold on my life and I continued to allow this. But I could now see the light! I knew there was so much hope and such a testimony at the end of this. So I kept running and running hard towards the break through.

Can you not just feel the freedom right now seeing this woman break fully free from all the junk she had been holding on too?? This is how God wants us to live. I know that dealing with my eating disorder for many years I can fit into each mold and sometimes I go back to almost free to completely free. I love the picture of her just dancing and being free. There is joy and hope in all situation. So no matter how big the struggle or addiction you can have hope in Jesus!! Live a life of freedom and helping others through there journey. We need people to walk life with. We need cheerleaders, encourager's, faithful friends, God, the bible, and much more to fully overcome! Get connected with others who will fill in the gap.

Since I focused on my eating disorder from the mold. I want to encourage all my women friends to not be consumed by this world and what they say we should look like, the number on the scale, the size of our jeans, how much we should exercise, and what our diet should look like. This is where we all find our identity. I do and have to be brought back to reality of who God sees me as. He sees me as beautiful regardless of my size. He loves me more than what I look like. He cherishes me just because of who I am. He doesn't care the number on the scale. He just wants me to be healthy. Yes God wants us to be healthy physically, emotionally, but most importantly spiritually. Take a moment ladies and sit before the Lord and allow him to whisper the things he believes about you.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!