Sometimes those thoughts would be: I'm so fat. This makes me look fat and old. I'm too hippy. I have a big butt. My chest is too flat. My arms are flabby. I don't look good. I'm so disgusted with myself. I have a double chin. My thighs touch each other. I'm not tone enough. So the list could go on.
Have you ever found yourself saying the same sayings over and over? I know for years I have. It started at an extremely young age. I can remember by 10 years old pinching the "fat" on my stomach, arms, and legs. I was so consumed. At the time I didn't realize it was the enemy getting in my life and finding my weaknesses against me. I was blinded for many years. I hit a point where I hated my body and even my looks.
Most of my preteen-my mid twenties I had many issues where I took it to the extremes. I starved myself to bingeing and purging to over exercising, and from diet pills to laxative abuse. This was my life for 14 years. Can you imagine this being your daily life? And it maybe your life right now. You may feel so hopeless and see noway out of this pain. Well I want you to know I'm here to help you through this battle. I want to walk this journey with women.
I didn't start overcoming my addiction related to eating disorders/exercise disorder until I hit rock bottom. I wanted help because I knew my outcome would soon be death. At 24 years old knowing the survival rate was ticking scared me a little. My family caring so much about me to tell me, how scared they were for my life was a wake up call. The people who love you the most and I couldn't leave them because of an addiction. God had bigger plans for me.
God opened a door for me to attend a free christian program called Mercy Ministries (www.mercyministries.org) and this is where God got a hold of me and changed my life forever. No it hasn't been an easy journey just because I accepted Jesus as my Savior. But its what has helped me through my battle of anorexia and exercise addiction (these were my two biggest disorders but dealt with all the different types of eating disorders). I now had a renewed hope. Mercy helped me so much more than any other treatment in the past, and I believe it did because they put Jesus first and I had to deal with past abuse, hurt, rejection, anxiety, depression, anger, and much more. The deep rooted issues. Have you thought about the past and the deep things that hurt you the most? Those things could be the cause to your struggle.
So I share some deep emotions of my past eating disorder I dealt with for TOO LONG! Here is when you know you have overcome and had true freedom:
Yesterday, I had my "yearly" exam (fun times right? :) ). The first thing my doctor said was you have finally put some weight back on. Okay you've read my past and some of you reading my blog know me very well and know my deep struggles. You would think, when I hear weight gain means "fat or ugly." But this time I had a peace about the comment for the first time in my 27 years of life. CRAZY huh? I knew then the freedom God has given me. I knew that gaining weight didn't mean fat or ugly or any other lie I would usually believe. I knew the redemption of Jesus Christ in that moment. I felt like I could conquer the world at that moment. I was like BAM look at that satan. So what that I gained 10 pounds in the past year. I needed to gain that weight. For the first time in my life I have maintained and kept around the same weight for over 6 months. Take that!
The reason I shared that story is because I realized for the first time in my life, I am fully confident in who God created me to be as a woman. I am very active: I run 4-5 days a week, I am on a Gluten Free diet, but I do allow a few sweets in :) all a balance!
Ladies if you are struggling in any area of food, weight, and exercise I am here to say I GET YOU! If you want to talk, meet up for coffee, text. I am here to walk this journey with you. I am praying for you even if I don't know your name.
My email:
whitneyrwest@yahoo.com
Challenge for this week: Take a step and be bold about your struggles. Whether thats a close friend, a spouse, or me.
The more you expose your struggles the more free you become. And the enemy no longer has you in a bondage of having a "secret"
I'm rooting you on precious ladies!!
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