I will back up to last September, so many changes, so many moves, new states, new cities, new people. You name it, I have probably experienced it within the realm of moving. I started my journey in Dallas, Texas last September. I was excited about this new opportunity so the thought of being away from family and friends wasn't as big of a deal. I now had 59 new friends and cohorts. We were thrown into long hours of studying, classes, drills, videos, crazy hours, and many different personalities. And boy did I study! I felt after class, I hit the books! It was well worth it.
My plan was to stay in Dallas as my base, well we know God had a DIFFERENT plan for my life. I found out around week four of training my little Arkansas self would be driving to Miami, Florida for a new life. Was I happy? No! Did I make it? YES! A girl who grew up in a town of 50,000 people to a city that never slept! It was an adjustment to say the least! I wasn't ready, but I was going. God sent a few blessings with me to Miami. He sent 36 of my classmates and I to Miami and sent a family I would live with for six months. This family became my own family. The loved me, they prayed with me, they encouraged me, cooked me dinner, took me to Cracker Barrel when I asked, watched stupid movies with me on Sundays, and became part of my life. My three besties from training even went to Miami. It was a challenging transition with many tears, but it was filled with Joy, growth, fun, adventure, and life. I wouldn't have been able to grow and figure out more of myself if I hadn't lived in Miami for the six months. I had a love/hate relationship with it. I would sit for hours on the beach and just dream. Sunsets, dinner with my girls, flying international the second I hold a line in Miami. I mean who holds international as a new flight attendant? Not many of us. But I still had this growing heart to move back to Dallas.
Here I am. I'm here! I received my transfer to Dallas/Forth Worth with much excitement back in April of this year. I called my mom right away, posted on social media, texted friends. I was thrilled. Little did I think about in my excitement was the transition of moving once again. I had just gotten comfortable living in Florida. Learning the area, meeting a few people, flying amazing trips, loving my new family. So here I am, I'm a Texas girl now. But the emotions started to come, the out of places settled in, the sadness of missing my new family and best friends that I had met flying, the unknown, the thought of did I make the right decision? So many things going on. I honestly felt much depression from this. And the flying isn't as great here as it is in Miami :).
I went from vibrant to just functioning. I think if I had prepared myself to the new "New" I would have handled it much differently. But once I began to remember that even in my excitement going to training and moving to Florida, I still had these moments. I just thought I was so excited to be a Flight Attendant for the New American, I didn't feel the emotions are deeply. But if I look back on the first days of training and moving to Florida, they were there. I was just focused on work and traveling more than having times on my hand.
Moving to Dallas, I know a few people but we fly totally different schedules. And the months I'm on reserve we have a lot more down time than work time. Which is amazing when I had people to go see or go sit on the beach. Here its different. I would text my few friends for prayers, encouragement. and share my heart. Which has been the biggest blessings in my life!
Last weekend I was laying around and thinking okay what are some changes I could make to get out of my funk. I had a few friends tell me about Gateway. But I also had a special angel on my first reserve trip out of Dallas. We had a long flight back from Brazil so much time to chat. I had found out this lady was a speaker and writer. I asked about her life, when she was in town where she attended church. She went to Gateway, just another way God leading me to this church.
I finally took a leap of faith last Saturday and went. It reminded me so much of New Life back in Arkansas. I felt at home. It was my place, it was my home. Also I am learning to do things alone, being a people person this can be challenge. I took myself on a couple dinner dates. I may have looked like the poor girl sitting in the corner, but it was amazing to be brave enough to go and do something like this. I found that it was okay to share a meal alone. Not that I want to continue to live like this, but for this season I'm learning to lean into God and allow him to teach me and grow me.
I share the entire background that you can understand its all seasons we go through. But in this season I'm learning I have a choice to make in how I deal with it. For a couple weeks, it wasn't pretty and I still may fail. But I know I have a God that is bigger than any transition we go through. Its not easy, it sucks to be blunt! But slowly finding my place here will be worth it in the end. It will be and feel more like home!
No matter where you find yourself, in the dumps, low low low, hopeless, helpless, angry, sad, or on top of the world, excited, ready for the next season. Know God is a big God. He will carry you through and give you the peace that can only be from him.
I work in progress. I may have broken pieces shattered all over the place, but I see a God that is putting the pieces slowly back together to make beautiful. Its just a season, so keep swimming!!!
"If you feel like
you're falling apart,
fall into my arms.
I promise I will catch
every little piece of you
and I promise
I will always love
your brokenness."
--Anita Krizzan
I see God in this little quote like none other! He is constant in our lives. And loves our brokenness!
