Embracing the Journey of Relationships

Ever felt lonely and that its never going to change? We sadly live in a world where a lot of us feel this way. Whether its truth or a lie, its how we feel! I have had MANY seasons where I was lonely or  I didn't "fit". Its been a life long journey of ups and downs.

I believe a lot of our insecurities come from how social media makes our life's look more "glamorous" than it is in reality. We get stuck in what others are doing and how "fun" their life looks. But really is their life good? It possibly could be, but very well could be a struggle for them also. When I get caught in the social media bug, I make myself sign off and occupy in a different way. If you catch yourself in the same place be STRONG and walk away!!!! Not worth being lonely over.

Some of the time it was my own fault of isolation. When I didn't feel like I was fitting into the puzzle I would retreat back to myself. For a moment it felt like I was superior of it,  reality I was only hurting myself. So its definitely a choice at times. But sometimes its not a choice.

We all have seasons where relationships just don't work. And that's not always our choice. I've been "let go" or "abandoned." I've seen close friends have the same thing happen in their personal lives. IT HURTS. Its not easy. And the pain of this causes trust issues and issues with becoming close with people around you. You have a guard up that's higher than the Wall of China. Been there!

Reality: through my seasons of loneliness and loss I have learned a lot. I have realized the importance of my closeness to the Lord. How he is the only who can satisfy my needs, cravings, and desires. Not one person can fill those needs. Heck yah its been a struggle seeking the Lord. I haven't always been one to seek the Lord. So it is a struggle. But when I do, I know all my loneliness will be met.

Also I have realized that having a couple key people in your life is all you need. And when I look at my circle, I just think WOW!!! I am blessed. But Satan knows how to mess with my mind and take my focus off of how blessed I am and bring me to the thoughts of "loneliness." This is a lie friend!! If you can say I have 1 close friend out of your family, you are doing well!!!

If you are feeling lonely, abandoned, hurt, angry, or done with relationships, it is OKAY. Its a season. I pray that the Lord will bring that one person to walk life with you. You are worth more than being lonely.

To say the least I have very few close relationships but I am blown away with how amazing the Lord has been faithful to give me what I need. Here are a couple friends that we have stuck by one another through loss, break ups, addiction, struggles, flat out HARD TIMES. These friends are hard to come by but they are out there! I know I am loved right where I am. Judgement free zone. Find those friends, be that friend.

 "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, 

and when we find someones weirdness is 

compatible with ours, we join up with them

and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." 

Yup, I learned about a selfie stick last night...I took at least 50..maybe 100..Megan wanted to take it AWAY!!!

One who has not left my side and has come to my rescue MORE than once. More than I can count. 

These are just examples of REAL friends. REAL sisters. REAL love. Its out there. Sometimes we have to go through lonely, crappy times to have these friends. But don't grow weary. It will happen for you. Be a REAL friend to have a REAL friend. 

Never Give UP! 

Running and Balance: Do they go together?

First off, I want to blog a whole lot more than I do! Its been over two months since my last post. This is a place to share my heart and real life challenges. But as challenges come it becomes harder to be transparent and open with the world especially. So here I am once again at it.

Lately, I have been battling how to have balance in my life (all areas).  I laugh because my last post had to do with running as this one does too! Don't be surprised when I talk about my exercise life :). Its just part of my DNA! I love it would be an understatement. Some days I wish I didn't love it like I do.

Balance: mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

I laugh at this specific definition of balance. Am I any of these? At times I can be, but not often. As I mentioned earlier, running is my life. My ENTIRE life. It was something that I started doing by age 8 or 9. It was one thing my dad and I did together when I was young. He would take me out and coach me and run with me. It was such a memory I will cherish for forever. It was "our" time. No one was with us. Just dad and I. Even as a kid and young teenager I had a gift of running. Yea, some of you are telling me to shut up right now! It also something I was good at since life came with learning challenges at school. 

As long as I can remember I've been running. Yes, I've had seasons of where I wasn't as passionate about it or just didn't run due to circumstances. But over the past 5 or 6 years I have become obsessive with it. And I've had periods of where I didn't obsess over it. About a month or two ago I felt I needed to find some balance in this area. I'm a person who has to literally take one thing at a time and then move on to the next. So I took a sabbatical from running. Did I enjoy it? Not really. Was it hard? UMM YES. Did I mentally struggle? YES!!! But I took off. I had to daily surrender it to the Lord. Even when I didn't feel like it. And still have too. Because quickly I can go right back to the same patterns. 

For the past month or so I have gone to the gym, walked a lot, and did intervals with two friends. Having Mira and Heather run/walk with me helped a lot. It has been nice to have that accountability and support during a workout. They probably don't realize the impact they have had on this journey but its been beautiful. And you know what even though I haven't always enjoyed this season of exercise I have come to enjoy not being so obsessed in my head with: whats my next workout? And I've enjoyed taking the intensity off. 

Taking the pressure off of myself to perform in my exercises has helped me find balance and peace. I may still wear a watch when I run but I don't compete with my pace or others around me. I am just me. I feel much better that the pressure is OFF.  There is no shame or competition with who I am becoming in this area. Each day is a new day to surrender and it looks differently each day. Its a journey as I tell many people. Daily journey that I'm learning to embrace. Its not easy on some days!

Keep on Keeping on. Be brave.