First off, I want to blog a whole lot more than I do! Its been over two months since my last post. This is a place to share my heart and real life challenges. But as challenges come it becomes harder to be transparent and open with the world especially. So here I am once again at it.
Lately, I have been battling how to have balance in my life (all areas). I laugh because my last post had to do with running as this one does too! Don't be surprised when I talk about my exercise life :). Its just part of my DNA! I love it would be an understatement. Some days I wish I didn't love it like I do.
Balance: mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.
I laugh at this specific definition of balance. Am I any of these? At times I can be, but not often. As I mentioned earlier, running is my life. My ENTIRE life. It was something that I started doing by age 8 or 9. It was one thing my dad and I did together when I was young. He would take me out and coach me and run with me. It was such a memory I will cherish for forever. It was "our" time. No one was with us. Just dad and I. Even as a kid and young teenager I had a gift of running. Yea, some of you are telling me to shut up right now! It also something I was good at since life came with learning challenges at school.
As long as I can remember I've been running. Yes, I've had seasons of where I wasn't as passionate about it or just didn't run due to circumstances. But over the past 5 or 6 years I have become obsessive with it. And I've had periods of where I didn't obsess over it. About a month or two ago I felt I needed to find some balance in this area. I'm a person who has to literally take one thing at a time and then move on to the next. So I took a sabbatical from running. Did I enjoy it? Not really. Was it hard? UMM YES. Did I mentally struggle? YES!!! But I took off. I had to daily surrender it to the Lord. Even when I didn't feel like it. And still have too. Because quickly I can go right back to the same patterns.
For the past month or so I have gone to the gym, walked a lot, and did intervals with two friends. Having Mira and Heather run/walk with me helped a lot. It has been nice to have that accountability and support during a workout. They probably don't realize the impact they have had on this journey but its been beautiful. And you know what even though I haven't always enjoyed this season of exercise I have come to enjoy not being so obsessed in my head with: whats my next workout? And I've enjoyed taking the intensity off.
Taking the pressure off of myself to perform in my exercises has helped me find balance and peace. I may still wear a watch when I run but I don't compete with my pace or others around me. I am just me. I feel much better that the pressure is OFF. There is no shame or competition with who I am becoming in this area. Each day is a new day to surrender and it looks differently each day. Its a journey as I tell many people. Daily journey that I'm learning to embrace. Its not easy on some days!
Keep on Keeping on. Be brave.
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