Body Shaming

Yesterday, I come in from a trip (a long one, full of reassignments). I rest, go out and run errands, and come home to shower.

A shower is a must after being on a dirty airplane all day!!! As I was getting in the shower, I stood in front of the mirror picking at every ounce of "fat" that I felt that I had. I realized that every time I walk into a bathroom, a gym, or a store, I stare in the mirror at my body. I have the same emotions and feelings towards it: disgusting, fat, lose a little weight here or there, unworthy, big butt, ugly, not skinny enough.

As all of these emotions were going through my head, I stopped, I pondered. I realized I was body shaming MYSELF! Its not other people speaking these negative things to me, its me. I'm my worst enemy. We are our worst critics, even when we don't realize it at the moment.

Body shaming was coming from myself and my own thoughts, I realized I'm the one who can change these thought patterns. I climbed in bed utterly exhausted from my trip, but found God whose been waiting on me to submit this over to him. He is so patient and willing to wait until I'm ready.

What's cool about God is that he is gentle and willing to give you direction in how to get your mind whole and strong again. He wasn't shaming me for how I felt. He was accepting in how my thought processes were going. I felt a peace over my mind that hasn't been there in a while. He reminded me that in the worlds eye's I'm not perfect but in His eyes I am perfect.

I didn't realize for so long I was body shaming myself. I believed since I had been in recovery for quiet sometime that I was healthy, because my weight has been healthy. Reality body shaming is putting yourself down. We all can sit here and say we have done this at one point or another in our lives. Especially us women :).

We can change these behaviors by making small changes each day. Heck no, it won't be an overnight process. I wish! We all wish! But each day instead of focusing on what we hate the most about our bodies we can find one positive thing about our body or ourselves. We can learn to love ourselves. I don't have the answers but I do know it is possible to recover from body shaming.

Lets take each day as it come and slowly we will be able to accept ourselves!