Standing Back Up

It doesn't matter how many times you fall,

what matters is how many times you stand up,

shake it off, and keep moving forward.

-unknown

This quote has been heavy on my heart lately. How many times do we fall? ALOT! Everyday for me, if I was being honest. We all make mistakes, mess up, and fall hard. Its part of our human nature. Each day is our choice in our we react to our failures.

For many years and still at times, I find myself stuck and staying in the midst of my fall. This causes depression, anxiety, pain, addiction, and hopelessness. This is not a fun place to be or stay in. But when we stay stuck in our failures this happens. Most of my life has been staying "stuck" in the same cycle. But there is hope for each of us. 

As we learn that we don't have to stay stuck in our failures, we find much freedom. Freedom that you can actually breathe and live again. We aren't identified by our failures but by how we continue to stand up and move forward. This gives us much hope for our circumstances. It has for me. We feel that we may be stuck, but we have a God that reaches down and grabs our hand to pick us back up. Here's the thing, we have to be willing to have his help to get us back up. We must keep moving forward no matter how deep we may be in our mess. 

Goodness, my controlling, self sabotaging nature keeps me down at times. But as I've come in and out of my own failures, I realize that I am the game changer in this situation. Gods right there, but I have to make the decision to allow him to be my strength. For me to get up, brush off the dirt, and move forward. 

We no longer have to stay down in our mess but we can rise above it and become much stronger than we were before. 

The Life of a FA

Since I recently gave up facebook until the first of the year. Most of you still wanted to hear and see what I'm up too. So I will update as time permits in what I'm doing and where I am.

Life as a Flight Attendant is fun. I have been to many fun places such as: Brazil, Barbados, Jamaica, Dominican, Costa Rica, LA, Dallas, Panama (the country), Nicaragua, and NYC. These are the few that are coming to my mind as a write. I have met many amazing people on my journey. Some stick with you and some don't.

Each layover is unique. Some you have plenty of time to explore the cities, lay by the beach, shop. But other layovers you have time to get in bed, maybe a small workout, and SLEEP. I've learned that sleep is a very important priority as a Flight Attendant. If I don't get sleep, you have a cranky FA. No one wants that.

One of the biggest things I've been learning on the job is that as a FA you can either make someones day or completely be rude and break someones day. My goal each time I board a plane is to be the change in that person's life that needs it the most. I say a simple prayer that I can make a difference and have joy regardless of how tired I am or whats going on in my personal life.

Here is an example of making a difference in one of my passengers life. This isn't me boasting at all but an example. On our way back from Nicaragua a few days ago. You had the cranky FA who was tired. This would be me. So I went to the back of Main Cabin, said a prayer for me to finish this sequence strong and be a light to my coworkers and the passengers. I took a few deep breaths and went back to help with boarding. It didn't solve all things but helped my perspective change. After we did the service my FA 1 called and asked if I would come sit with a UM (unattended minor). My response was I'll be right there! As I sat with this young girl, we played on her Ipad making princesses even more pretty, and playing other games. It was nice and relaxing. I was in my element. After a while I had to go prepare for landing. I told her thank you for letting me play and sit with you. Her response was, I'm glad you sat with me, I wasn't as scared. You are a really nice lady. All I did was sit with this little girl and gave her attention.

After I spent time with the girl, I said a silent prayer of thanks to God. I was more blessed than this little girl. God knows what our hearts need and he provides. I realized that day that as a Flight Attendant I have the ability to make or break someones day. I want to make that conscience effort to be a light to each passengers day. They need to be loved just as much as you and I do.

My Favorite Layover: Barbados

Barbados sunset

Nicaragua airport

Just another day in my world!

Far Away but the Heart is near

My sweet family:

As I lay here in the Dominican tonight, I can't help but remember the memories of the holidays back home. My family is amazing, fun, dysfunctional, weird, loving, and crazy at times. These things are what makes us UNIQUE and FAMILY. I think of all the holiday dinners we had at my grandmas, cousins, and aunts. It was full of stuffing ourselves to the rim. Wait, I'm sure my family did that today :). As kids my cousins and I would play outside, watch the Macey day parade, and be carefree kids. Also a lot of football would be played on the TV down in the den with men surrounding it. We love sports. Well most of us do, minus my mom. We still love her anyways. It was a time we were happy and together. 

The day after thanksgiving we would go back to my grandparents to eat left overs and put up the tree. I loved these memories of putting the tree together. My momma Hattie was always so proud of her tree. Her and my Papaw would drink coffee and stare into the lights. Momma Hattie would also sometimes play Christmas songs on the piano. It was a precious time with family. 

The past few years my mom and I would serve at the local church to serve families. I loved doing this. Because we are blessed with much, we can then bless others. My mom has the biggest servants heart. It always was great to see someone's face light up because they were blessed with a meal on thanksgiving. 

The few memories I share here with you today makes me very thankful for the family I have. I have learned that regardless of where we are in life family is still family. They never change. I maybe out of the country working, I know that they enjoyed today and support my decisions of my new career. 

I am here today living a dream because of my families constant support and encouragement. They may have thought I was CRAZY at times with wanting to be a flight attendant. But they always stood by my side. They have encouraged me, prayed for me, loved me, and been there thru it all. And if you know me or my story, they have put up with a lot :). I may not be home for Thanksgiving but I know they are behind me through it all. I am grateful for them. 

The memories are still strong and always will be there. But now new memories are coming. New days to celebrate when I am around. I cherish time with my family!!!! 

Regardless if you are or not with family, embrace the journey. Love your life right where you are. 

Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful!!! 

New Seasons, New Life

Today I have been sorting through my past few months. I have wanted to blog for sometime but I also wanted to get through Flight Attendant Training before I really went into detail of my life. I kept my close friends and family in the loop of my new life. So today others can fully hear what the past few months have been like.

I'm going to share a little back story first:
A friend of mines mom contacted me about applying for American Airlines because her youngest daughter loved it. I began to pursue it. I became very discouraged this past winter because I had not heard a thing from them. My mom told me to continue pursuing other airlines. But I was set on American or I wasn't going to do it. Me stubborn? NEVER ;). In April American called me to see if I was still interested. Of Course! I told the recruiter. I was beside myself. I didn't tell anyone about it until I knew something. They called for an interview in June. Then my life changed dramatically on June 24, 2014.

                                                         This was the day we were hired!!

On September 20, 2015 my journey to Dallas, Texas began. I was excited, anxious, nervous, happy, but still had a little fear that I wouldn't make it through the training. Its definitely not an easy training. As I explained to my mom, its harder than getting my college degree. We took 16 tests and really unsure about how many drill proficiencies we had. Long days, late nights in class or studying, and early mornings. On the first day of class they said "WELCOME TO THE AMERICAN FAMILY." I didn't know what to really think of this statement until I realized we are REALLY family. Your classmates become family and best friends. Your instructors become family, your biggest cheerleaders, and encourager's on the line. They are like having another mom or dad to look up too. American Airlines is a big family. We go through hell together during training, but its worth every bit of it. And if you've been through American Airlines FA training you get me!

During training I met two girls who would later become my best friends. They are the ones who got me through training with the encouragement, class notes, long walks, exploring Dallas, and just being there on the hard days. I prayed that I would make one good friend during my time. Well it was doubled into two amazing women. We come from different walks of life but that's what makes it work. I am thankful for their friendship. And it worked out that we are all three in Miami also. Thank you for helping me through training and learning things on the line now.

Always a good time. 

You know that sometimes you can have a really bad roommate situation? My roommate ended up being a christian, and a wonderful woman. She was starting her second career. Learning from her wisdom and life experiences was great for me to see. I'm always eager to hear life stories, hear wisdom in how I can become a better person. Stacey was a great example of this. She put up with living me in a small hotel room for a whole 6.5 weeks. She was a saint. Thankful for a God fearing woman who loved me right where I was. She always made sure I was okay.

                                                               Where are your glasses Stacey???

I had incredible instructors. Each of the instructors played a special role in my life. They truly choose the best of the best to teach the new Flight Attendants coming through. Instructors are responsible for "MAKING US GREAT". They put in more hours than we do in many ways. They teach us the skills to go out on the line and be great. I am grateful for each of them. Randy was our lead instructor. He was a hoot. He made me like Halloween for the first time in 29 years. He decorated the room and had an awesome rat as our class mascot. His nick name became Crusty Rusty. Goodness he kept the class together. He was incredible. My sweet, sweet Denise was like a momma to me. She held me as I cried, listened to my frustrations, laughed when I would walk up because of my randomness, always giving a willing hug, there for advice. She was the momma of the class. I want to be like her when I grow up! Rachel became a big sister to me. I knew by the first week that she was the real deal. I first saw a bracelet she wore everyday with the writing "My God is Big Enough." I had actually prayed for a Christian person in the class. And quickly it became evident that my instructor was. She listened to my struggles. She gave hugs when I was a mess and didn't know if I could make it another step. She loved to RUN! This was another instant connection. I was thankful to have Rachel's constant support even after training. Tyra, Oh Trya! Through her example she brought my standard from just average to excellent. Everything she did was "perfect", maybe not perfect but done with excellence. She kept the class together with keeping the standard high. Tyra is a consistent person in her job. She taught us to tie our scarfs, do our hair, reminded us to wear our lips. That was one thing I love about the job. I love my pink and red lips! She always gave a willing hug, especially after a test. She knew that test was a struggle for me.  I knew she would be proud when I would score my tests.

Thank you for making us GREAT! I am so thankful for this opportunity and the people who made it possible to be where I am today. God was walking me through each day and each moment. He gave me the strength to overcome and do my best. I am so thankful.

Rusty Crusty

Momma Denise

Such a big sister Rachel

My Perfect Tyra 

As the Life of a Flight Attendant I will write more about. I'll share the places I go. What God is doing through this journey. And much more.

Our Perspective of Ourselves

Over the last 6 weeks or so I've met many incredible people. But as the time comes to an end and some of us will split ways, but one person stands out to me. I don't believe in coincidences but believe that God brings certain people in our life to teach you something valuable. This has happened in my journey over the past 6 weeks.

I share often about my recovery journey and how its still a struggle at times. Its like any addiction, its there and it knows how to knock you down. There are definite times where it's easy and I'm content. And other times where I am holding on by one thread. During any of these times, I truly have to trust God to bring peace into these areas. Also having constant support from family and friends.

Back to the person who stands out from the past 6 weeks. We have become relatively close over the past month. She's also quiet a bit younger than myself but yet so CONFIDENT!! I had not mentioned any of my struggles to my friend but watched her. She enjoyed food, didn't have crazy anxiety at meals, she even ate DESSERTS...This is almost a NO NO in my life. Marissa is even a VEGETARIAN!!! But healthy. She lives an example of someone I truly want to become.

Watching Marissa has not only been inspiring but intriguing in how comfortable she is in her own skin. She doesn't find her identity in what size her jeans are, or the size of her shirts. Marissa's confidence radiates a mile away. She was eating a cookie today and I made a comment of "I took a bite but had to throw it away." She responds to me with "If it makes you happy, don't worry about the calories or being fat." I was like such truth in that. Why not enjoy a cookie or two or five.

And let me tell you my friend is BEAUTIFUL!!! She's perfect because she is comfortable in her own skin. Marissa is not big at all. She's actually tiny. But she doesn't hold back on what she eats. Her life isn't controlled by what comes next with the meal. She embraces it.

Couldn't we ALL learn from my friend with embracing ourselves and how God made each of us! I will forever be thankful for the influence she has had on my life. Its beautiful knowing that you can live comfortable in your own skin. I know that I am different because of her friendship and example that she lives.

Marissa sent this to me today. It made me smile when I saw this. Let go of the labels and be whoever you want to be!!!! Once we learn to accept ourselves, others will accept us also.

You Are Good Enough

A friend posted this picture recently, and it stopped me in my steps. I know that I'm not alone in this feeling of "not good enough" or that "I don't measure up" or "I have to be perfect." Oh yes this is the world we live in.

I've lived most of my life feeling this way. Its partly my insecurity in who I am. I have continued to try and measure up to what I thought perfection looked like but reality it was the worlds standards. I can remember back to feeling this way as young as elementary school. I know that having a learning disability and a teacher that pointed out to the class that I couldn't read played a role in how I viewed myself. I can remember the feelings of shame and guilt because I wasn't able to learn as other kids in my class did.

Recently the Lord has been showing me a lot about myself and who I am. Its been a challenging season but one of the best seasons. I have realized that the lies and things I have believed since I was a kid, is not who I am. Graduating college and the training I'm in right now proves that anythings possible.

We don't have to live in the world of not measuring up or not being good enough. We are more than good enough. I truly believe that insecurities are planted in us as small children and grow into bigger issues as we become adults. Once you realize that God made you good enough in his eyes all other things can go.

Learning we are no longer defined as our past or our insecurities shows us that we are worth the fight and good enough! We are world changers. We aren't bench warmers full of insecurities and not good enough. So lets stand up today and remember that we can do ALL things we put our mind too.

Remember "You are Good Enough" in Gods eyes. He doesn't expect us to live a perfect life but a life that we can be confident in.

Finding Compassion for Yourself

We live in a cruel world. A world full of pain, anger, hurt, misfortune, addiction, lies, abuse, and much more. With how our world is, we can start to fall into the same trap. We end up in the midst of pain, heart ache, self sabotaging, and lies. We become our worst critic. We beat ourselves up because the "world" says we are "fill in the blank." 

This is a trap that I have found myself in for the majority of my life. I didn't realize how much negative I spoke over myself until recent. I was confronted by my own demons. I saw the heart ache of my words and how it was causing more damage than anything. It has kept me stuck in the same patterns that I continued to cycle through since I was around ten years old. Its hard to grasp that the world has spoken such crap into our lives to keep us where we are. 

As I sat with my counselor one last time, something she had said a few times before really struck a cord in my heart. It was as the light bulb turned on. She had been encouraging me on my new adventure and how I would be successful in this. Here is where the change began: "be kind to yourself and have compassion for yourself". 

BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND HAVE COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF

This has been a perspective change and a challenge for me. But I was ready. You are ready too. We beat ourselves up because of our past, abuse, addiction, hurts, or that we don't meet the "worlds" standards. Reality....We aren't the things of our past or our abuse or our addictions. We are children of God. 

Psalm 103:1-4

Praise the Lord, my soul;

all my inmost being, praise

his holy name. 

Praise the Lord, my soul,

and forget not all his 

benefits--

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life

from the pit

and crowns you with love 

and compassion. 

This verse speaks so clearly to myself. If God, who didn't have to send his Son to the Cross for our lives can have compassion and want to heal us. Can't we have the same compassion and kindness for ourselves. Goodness, its a lot easier said than done. Like most things in our lives are. This week I have brought more awareness to this struggle in my life. Even when I fail or have a struggling moment, I try to take a step away from the situation and find the compassion for myself as God would give me. 

This process is a refining process. Its not a pretty process to be kind to myself. Or to even like myself. But if I can change one behavior or attitude that would normally be negative into finding the self love and acceptance for myself. I had a win for that day. 

You can win this battle too. We are in this together. We will beat this together. We are Warriors! Carry on!