You Are Good Enough

A friend posted this picture recently, and it stopped me in my steps. I know that I'm not alone in this feeling of "not good enough" or that "I don't measure up" or "I have to be perfect." Oh yes this is the world we live in.

I've lived most of my life feeling this way. Its partly my insecurity in who I am. I have continued to try and measure up to what I thought perfection looked like but reality it was the worlds standards. I can remember back to feeling this way as young as elementary school. I know that having a learning disability and a teacher that pointed out to the class that I couldn't read played a role in how I viewed myself. I can remember the feelings of shame and guilt because I wasn't able to learn as other kids in my class did.

Recently the Lord has been showing me a lot about myself and who I am. Its been a challenging season but one of the best seasons. I have realized that the lies and things I have believed since I was a kid, is not who I am. Graduating college and the training I'm in right now proves that anythings possible.

We don't have to live in the world of not measuring up or not being good enough. We are more than good enough. I truly believe that insecurities are planted in us as small children and grow into bigger issues as we become adults. Once you realize that God made you good enough in his eyes all other things can go.

Learning we are no longer defined as our past or our insecurities shows us that we are worth the fight and good enough! We are world changers. We aren't bench warmers full of insecurities and not good enough. So lets stand up today and remember that we can do ALL things we put our mind too.

Remember "You are Good Enough" in Gods eyes. He doesn't expect us to live a perfect life but a life that we can be confident in.

Finding Compassion for Yourself

We live in a cruel world. A world full of pain, anger, hurt, misfortune, addiction, lies, abuse, and much more. With how our world is, we can start to fall into the same trap. We end up in the midst of pain, heart ache, self sabotaging, and lies. We become our worst critic. We beat ourselves up because the "world" says we are "fill in the blank." 

This is a trap that I have found myself in for the majority of my life. I didn't realize how much negative I spoke over myself until recent. I was confronted by my own demons. I saw the heart ache of my words and how it was causing more damage than anything. It has kept me stuck in the same patterns that I continued to cycle through since I was around ten years old. Its hard to grasp that the world has spoken such crap into our lives to keep us where we are. 

As I sat with my counselor one last time, something she had said a few times before really struck a cord in my heart. It was as the light bulb turned on. She had been encouraging me on my new adventure and how I would be successful in this. Here is where the change began: "be kind to yourself and have compassion for yourself". 

BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND HAVE COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF

This has been a perspective change and a challenge for me. But I was ready. You are ready too. We beat ourselves up because of our past, abuse, addiction, hurts, or that we don't meet the "worlds" standards. Reality....We aren't the things of our past or our abuse or our addictions. We are children of God. 

Psalm 103:1-4

Praise the Lord, my soul;

all my inmost being, praise

his holy name. 

Praise the Lord, my soul,

and forget not all his 

benefits--

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life

from the pit

and crowns you with love 

and compassion. 

This verse speaks so clearly to myself. If God, who didn't have to send his Son to the Cross for our lives can have compassion and want to heal us. Can't we have the same compassion and kindness for ourselves. Goodness, its a lot easier said than done. Like most things in our lives are. This week I have brought more awareness to this struggle in my life. Even when I fail or have a struggling moment, I try to take a step away from the situation and find the compassion for myself as God would give me. 

This process is a refining process. Its not a pretty process to be kind to myself. Or to even like myself. But if I can change one behavior or attitude that would normally be negative into finding the self love and acceptance for myself. I had a win for that day. 

You can win this battle too. We are in this together. We will beat this together. We are Warriors! Carry on! 

Living the Single Life

Being 29 and still single...OUCH...Weird looks...Comments from family members...WEIRD...Somethings not right with you...You're different...Seriously...

I'm from the South and its expected that you marry and start a family by 25. Well if you know me at all, I'm 29 and single. And NO this isn't for some man to read my blog and sweep me off my feet. Or a friend to set me up with a guy. That's not what it is about. Its about finding contentment in where you are: single, married, engaged, divorced, widowed, or in a relationship.

I haven't ever really talked much about being single or how I felt about it until recently. I have started to talk to some of my girlfriends about it. Its always been something that I've struggled with but have never wanted to admit or talk about. So here I am raw and real on this topic.

Some people may know or this may be new to some but I was engaged two years ago. We aren't going to focus on this or talk in detail about this part. It was the first time I had truly felt "IN LOVE!!" I wanted the ring, the wedding, the man to call "hubby", to have babies, and to be what any 27 year old woman would want at the time. It came crashing down on me with much hurt and heart ache. With this said, yes it SUCKED! Yes, it HURT! Yes, I was BROKEN! But I came out on the other side a stronger woman. I had a supportive family and a couple friends who would walk with me and help me through the next months of my life.

I grew to trust God in this season even when I was angry about what was happening. I felt abandoned and unworthy of a relationship. It took time, support, and trust to get to a place of contentment. It wasn't overnight or a month or a year. Its been a gradual healing over the past two years.

I haven't dated much since then. I have wanted to be loved by a man, swept off my feet, cared for, listened to, and held by a man during the past two years. But reality hit me. And it hit HARD. It was a ton of bricks that rocked my world. I realized it was all the things I needed to feel fulfilled but something was still missing. These things I was not finding in the Lord. It was man I was seeking it from. Now that's messed up :). I had such a skewed view of wanting my will to be met.

Realizing that I will never be fulfilled by a man on this earth was hard to swallow. You'd think by 29 I would have grasped this, but I hadn't. I tend to learn the hard way. So this past spring I started to be more intentional about my relationship with the Lord. Seeking him to be my Lord, my fulfiller. It has been a hard lesson to swallow. I haven't been a great learner or accepted it well.  But I am leaning in and willing to be fulfilled by the Lord before anything else or any man.

As much as I would love to be married, have a couple kids, living this dream I have planned out. I would much rather be single than married to the wrong man. Or even dating the wrong person. Its a journey that I'm on. Its not pretty but I'm still here willing to find contentment in the Lord over any man.

So where ever you find yourself as you read this blog tonight, today, this morning. Evaluate your own journey. See where you are finding your fulfillment. Ask the Lord to meet you right where you are. Because he listens and will meet you! He cares so much for you and your heart. Married. Single. Widowed. Engaged. In a relationship. Divorced.

A Life Worth Living

"Our task is not to fix the blame for the past, but to fix the course for the future."
--J.F.K 

"When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I'm living in the past."
--Unknown

The last couple weeks I have been thinking about my life. The good, the bad, the ugly. You name it, I probably have thought about it. This doesn't have to be a negative connotation of looking at my life as a whole. The past, the future, the now is a constant on my mind. It definitely could get ugly if I was to stay stuck in my past or my future for too long. Because as the quote says the future brings anxiety and the past keeps you depressed. This is such a true statement.

Most of us could say we have a messy past. Whether it was our own poor decision making skills or it was inflicted on you by someone else. We all have HURT. We all have PAIN. We all have a PAST. But something cool was proposed to me in counseling, that I think each of us can meditate and think on. Take it for what its worth :)

As I said we focus on our past A LOT!! I am guilty of this. DAILY!! I had been sharing my anxieties about the future and what's happening. I shared all my "negative" associations to why I am anxious about the next season I am entering. But what was brought to my attention was incredible: "The woman sitting in front of me said Whitney, you hold the universe with God." "You choose what your future and how life will look." I thought wow....A New Beginning....A New Season...A New Start....A New Me.

It was a defining moment for me. For the first time in years or my entire life I felt that I had "control" over my life and thoughts. I know God is our guide and the one who ultimately controls our lives. But we also have choices to make in our life to have a better life or to remain stuck in life. I haven't fully allowed God to take control of my life but what has controlled me is this world. The DARK world of issues. It has ultimately controlled me. For too LONG!!

Realizing that I have control of what my life will be shaped and formed into was life changing. It was a pivotal moment for me. Whitney was in control. And slowly allowing the Lord to help steer the boat too.  The ED, the exercise, the OCD thoughts, the enemy, the depression, the anxieties are not the things that have to control me or my future. These things have controlled me for too long.

Hearing for the first time that I am the one (with God) who determines how I act and react to the future. I don't have to be controlled by the past or others. So from today on, I take control and make today the best that I am able to make.

Learning to do life differently is a challenge but worth the challenge put before me. Go out, be confident, and know you can have "A Life Worth Living.

Beauty For Ashes

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace— a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies— and to comfort all who mourn, To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness” planted by God to display his glory. They’ll rebuild the old ruins, raise a new city out of the wreckage. They’ll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new. You’ll hire outsiders to herd your flocks and foreigners to work your fields, But you’ll have the title “Priests of God,” honored as ministers of our God. You’ll feast on the bounty of nations, you’ll bask in their glory. Because you got a double dose of trouble and more than your share of contempt, Your inheritance in the land will be doubled and your joy go on forever.

You can meet the most ordinary people who are doing extraordinary things at the most random places. A week ago I decided to head back out to the front lines of the abortion clinic. This is a hard territory for many to go to and a hard ministry to take on. You have to experience it to fully grasp the oppression of this place. I spoke to a few people and continued on with what I felt God had called me to do for that day. 

A precious lady came up, stayed to herself and on the other side of the entrance of the abortion clinic. I knew she was there for a purpose and that was to pray for these women walking in. I didn't say much, I continued praying and speaking life into the women walking in. Its a not a social hour or a time to call out to these women that they are "murderers" and "Going to Hell". Its a time to love and bring light to the lies they buy into at the abortion clinics. 

After a while this sweet lady came and we chatted for a moment. Such a huge compassionate heart. We need more people who are going out to be compassionate and loving to these women, not condemning. As we chatted it was such a God ordained moment. I think we both walked away feeling encouraged and empowered to continue to bring life and love to these women. I asked if I could have her number before we parted ways. She agreed. 

As we have chatted over the past week and even met for coffee. We realized A LOT of our story was similar. And its not the struggles we've had in life but how much the Lord has done in each of us. He has brought us out of the pit of hell and darkness to a place of healing and love. We may have met on the front lines of the abortion clinic a week ago and it was God who brought us together. 

See my friend is an ordinary lady who has been through much in her life. But she's out there doing extraordinary things. She lives the life that is obedient unto the Lord. It has inspired me to do more, find more healing for myself, seek God more intently, and most of all HAVE HOPE IN ALL THINGS. Her life story is what makes her beautiful. The Lord truly shines through her story, her hope, her loss, her pain. We all can learn in this situation that no matter the circumstances we have been through or the pain that the Lord is alive in our spirits today. He is here to heal the broken hearted and bring strength to us when we are weak. 

Go back to the verse I first shared that you may be going through hell and pain but we have a God of redemption and love. He is rebuilding your life to be a vessel for others. Just as he did through my friend I met at the abortion clinic. He has used her not just at the front lines of the abortion clinic but in my life also. Her story is beautiful because she has allowed the Lord to come into those deep wounds and heal her broken heart. Let this testimony but a light. Not matter the circumstances you are are going through there is HOPE. 

If you find yourself in this place, email me, facebook me, instagram me. I am here to be a light just as my friend was that day!! 

Standing on the Front Lines

I have been hesitant to write, talk, or even give my opinion on the abortion topic. But as Planned Parenthood has continued to have light shined down on them, with the selling of tissues, organs, and bones of the child. My heart has been ripped out and torn a part. I couldn't finish some of the videos or finish reading when the doctors made comments as: "There's an eyeball," "Here's a femur," "We are very skilled to obtain body parts during the procedure."

Its heart wrenching to read and hear these stories. Besides people posting and talking about it. My question to you is, what are YOU doing to bring change to this topic? Are you sitting back and just being angry about it? And it stops there? Are you just posting about it because its the "right" thing to do? Are you wanting to debate the topic?

Yes, you have every right to do the above. You have every right to be outraged with Planned Parenthood. I would be lying if I said I wasn't upset about it. It breaks my heart. It kills me. But what is your plan to get Planned Parenthood defunded? And to see babies saved from abortion?

There are many ways for each of you to take a stand. Yes, write on social media, share your heart, and be an activist for this movement. Ways you can make a change in the industry: You can volunteer at pregnancy crisis centers, you can adopt a child who could have been aborted, you can pray, you can go out to the front lines of the abortion clinics and pray, talk to the girls walking in, share other options with them. Ultimately show the LOVE of Jesus. That's what they need.

I'm not one who shares about standing on the front lines at the local abortion clinic but I do. About two years ago I was convicted to go share the love of Jesus with these girls. They didn't need people yelling at them that they are "murderers", or "killers", or "you're going to hell." They need to hear that they are loved and that there are other options for them. Approach is a huge game changer from the Pro-Life community. Because inside the clinics they are lying to these girls its just a "clump of cells," " this will take away all your problems," "It won't hurt," "you won't regret this". These are just a few lies that are told in the clinics to keep the women in for the procedure.

Yes, abortion is wrong! Yes, it hurts the woman long term. Yes, it causes psychological issues. Yes, it causes PTSD. But what are we doing for these women who have already made the decision of having an abortion?  Are we loving them and meeting them where they are? Don't they deserve to hear the truth that we have a God that loves them more than they could ever imagine and that there is hope for their pain?  We forget about this side of abortion.

Yes, we need to stand for life and be a voice for the voiceless. But we also need to meet the women who have been lied to and already chosen to abort. They need to see grace, hope, love, acceptance, forgiveness. We need to be the voice for these hurting women too. We don't need to shame them more than they already feel shamed or alienated. Offer a listening ear, a prayer, an hour of your time to listen to their pain, to hold their hand, to walk through healing that they need and only Jesus can fill. Being a friend to a woman who have chosen to abort can be a life changing thing for this woman. To know she's not alone or alienated is huge.

My last word for you is to consider both ends of the abortion. Stand for life but also stand with the women who live in regret. They need Jesus just as much as you and I do! They have beautiful souls too and you may be the only one to love them in their pain. Be the game changer in their life!!

 I said one last thing. But Saturday before work I drove to our local abortion clinic to stand in the gap for these women. The good news is I did get to talk to one young girl who came in with a friend. For privacy reasons I'll keep her name as "P". She listened intently with what I had to say and I encouraged her to walk away. I showed love that she needed to hear because no one else was showing it to her. I listened to her as she shared her reasoning. I understand in times of crisis her reasoning. But for her to choose life would be the choice I pray and hope she chooses. She was a beautiful young woman who had some rough things going on. But if God used me to plant one seed, I fulfilled what he had called me to do that day. Please continue to pray for "P" and her unborn child.

I pray you are blessed by this even though it is a hard topic to swallow! And to talk about. But the approach of love and gentleness is the way to go.

The Beauty of Life

Beauty comes in all shapes and forms. This friend of mine is one of the most beautiful human beings I know. Courtney shines with a beauty that radiates from the inside out. Look at the smile on her face, this was a smile that truly came each day I saw her at work. She would bring light into a room that needed to have a little extra lighting. Even with how beautiful she is on the outside where the true beauty comes from is  her relationship with the Lord. It was a contagious beauty that others wanted. There was something different about Courtney. Her love not only for the Lord but for others was something I saw day in and day out. She inspired me to love others right where they were. Because she loved me right where I was. She had a heart and love for the orphans unlike anyone else I knew. She would travel to Haiti to work with kids who were hurting or suffering of diseases. She didn't care what  "plague" they had on them. She showed them love and grace, just as Jesus would. She is a true example of being the hands and feet of Jesus.

Courtney and I became friends just a few short months before our lives would be turned upside down. But the privilege I had to be part of her life day in and day out was beautiful. A little background of our friendship: We met working at a restaurant called Tacos 4 Life. I was in between graduating college and finding a job. We instantly clicked, which is weird to think because if you know me and know Courtney. We are two totally different people. I'm a little rough around the edges and shes a woman of love for everyone. As we worked together we built a friendship that would later change my life. I would share my struggles with food and body image issues. She would look at me and say in the sweetest voice "Whitney, look at yourself, be confident in the beauty God has given you." Now this comment makes me tear up. I didn't see it but she saw it. She saw through the eyes of Christ. Courtney would listen to my hurt and pain and always remind me who "Whitney was in Christ. That Jesus hadn't abandoned me because of my struggles. We had some precious moments in the dish room at Tacos. I would be the one probably cussing and angry because it was 12:30 AM and we were still at work. Y'all she didn't complain and still had to drive back to Romance Arkansas, a 45 minute drive from work. I learned so much from a girl who is 7 years younger than I am. She brought me back to the Lord when I saw no hope to continue on. She didn't look at my struggles or short comings, she saw the good in me and showed me the things that were positive about myself. We need more people in our world like Courtney.

On August 3rd, 2014 our lives were turned upside down. We actually had been to church that morning. It was refreshing to be back in church. She had encouraged me to come with her for a while. So I went this beautiful Sunday. I actually remember church that morning was about  surrendering our lives back to the Lord. HUMMM....did God have a plan or what that day? We talked in the foyer for a bit after church, gave each other a hug, and said I will see you tomorrow at work. Tears steam down my face as I recall this day like it was yesterday but it was a year ago. Something so terrible but yet so inspiring happened that day. Courtney and Mrs. Gina were in a wreck not two hours after saying goodbye. Mrs. Gina had passed but Courtney was fighting for her life. The next few weeks at UAMS is a blur. I was at the hospital the next days and weeks. I would go pray and talk to Courtney as she laid there. I told her how her impact had changed my life and many others. That she would walk again and have life again. We spoke truth over Courtney on the darkest days of her life.

Today, one year later Courtney is still recovering. The beauty of her recovery is that she hasn't given up. Today she is relearning how to do thing such as sitting up, walking, and learning to speak clearly. One thing this girl will tell me when I start talking too much is NOO!! Oh goodness how I love her!! I am thankful for her life, her recovery, her continuous love for the Lord. She maybe considered different to society but she isn't. She is still the Courtney I knew a year ago. She is stronger, braver, encouraging than I will ever be in my life.


No matter where you find yourself right now in life, its not over. We don't have to give up. Days I want to give up and throw in the towel I think of my sweet friend Courtney. I remember the fight she has put up to find the recovery she is finding today. We all can learn to fight our own battles with strength and grace that the Lord has given Courtney, he has given US.

Our lives can all be turned upside down in a second and not promised another day. So lets live our lives as its our last. Making the most of every opportunity. I am thankful for the life Courtney is living and the example she gives me day in and day out to live by.

Court and I go on walks....I drive her crazy and tells me to SLOW down!!!!

Usually I jump in bed to play on the Ipad or watch a movie. Shes like a little sister :)