Eating Disorder Awareness

I'm a little early with starting National Eating Disorder Awareness week. It only starts in two days. This is a subject I am very passionate about. Battling an eating disorder myself over the years has been a challenge full of ups and downs. Its not always pretty, but I do know there is ALWAYS hope for me and other fighters out there.

First off to my sweet friends who are on the struggle bus, you are not alone!! You have a fellow fighter right beside you. Please don't feel as if you are alone in this battle. That is what the enemy wants you to see is that you are alone, but you are not. We are in this together until the end. Reach out to me, a friend, a counselor, a mentor, or a pastor.

For new readers to the blog, here is a bit background story of my journey:

I remember the first time that I began having a fear of food. I have a great mom, she always packed my lunch for me for school (probably until I was a senior in high school). But sometimes she would forget to make me a lunch or I would leave it on the counter (It was probably the second reasoning :) ). So I almost always had a lunch for school. One of the days I forgot my lunch was in the 6th grade. I had a couple dollars on me that day. I remember getting a coke and powered donuts. So healthy, I know. But I remember looking at the label of the powered donuts. I saw the fat grams/sugars/calories. This was my first understanding of "fat". It freaked me out just a little. I remember my inner dialog of thinking, I am hungry but so I won't get fat I'll only eat three of these. Its taken me years to remember this situation, but I remember now like it was yesterday.

My innocent little soul at 12 years old was changed that day. I would never be the same. No one knew when I was that young because I was an extremely thin kid/teenager. It wasn't until I was 21 or 22 that it would become known to the public and others. One little forgetful moment of forgetting lunch threw a huge demon into my life that I would battle with.

There are many more facets to the beast of the eating disorder. For me throughout my journey I have dealt with deep depression, anxiety, exercise addiction, loss of friends, hurting family/friends. Its not a pretty journey for myself, my family, and others who have supported me on my journey.

Today, its still a daily battle! I'm learning its a choice. I absolutely love my new job. I fly all over the country and international, but as packing food, bringing healthy things, eating out, plane food, a lot of challenges are brought in this. So I'm learning each trip what I missed bringing or need to start bringing. Oh the joys of learning how to practice it in your daily life.

God has been the only stable thing in my life through it all. Even when I was not committing my life to him, he still kept me alive and going. So I'm thankful the Lord has stayed continuous in my life. Because I wouldn't be here today if I didn't have God fighting on my side. Wow...a new thankfulness in my heart is here tonight. So he has given me strength even when I wasn't seeking him or being faithful to him.

I have had my parents who didn't like talking about my struggles, or saying just eat. But my golly, they have put me through treatment centers, prayed for me, helped pay for therapy sessions, let me fall and get back up, loved me unconditionally even when I was hard to love. They have lived in fear because they know eating disorders aren't easy to handle or deal with. But they have been faithful in every step. I am so thankful. And have prayed non stop for years!

A couple of people have been stable in my life and they know who they are!!!!! People who have prayed for me, listened to me, let me cry, let me be angry, speak my mind, be myself. They are far and few in between but they have been there. We are spread around the country and out of the US, but they have loved me unconditionally.

We all need people in our lives to love us through it all. You probably feel alone, because in my disorder, I have felt so alone and isolated. But know you have me, other fighters, God on your side. We are fighting with you and for you when you are down and weak. Be a safe friend that a fighter needs. WE all need safe people who can fight with us and be there in time of need.

Hang in there Fighters. You are not alone!!!! We are in this together.