have been meaning to blog all week, well its Thursday and I'm here!! I've posted almost everyday with something encouraging about National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDA). So I thought I would share a few things on my heart regarding eating disorders. A lot of people are suffering and you have no clue and that's because: 1) they are normal weight 2) slightly overweight 3) obese 4) not skinny enough. We identify eating disorders as being skeletal thin. But in reality people are suffering in all shapes, forms, ages, and ethnicity. So you may have no clue your co-worker, cousin, best friend, sister, or class mates are struggling from this evil monster. I know I was able to keep my eating disorder a secret for many years because I was always considered to be "thin or skinny". So you never know whose living in the pain of this struggle. Which takes me to my next point.
Since sharing eating disorders happen in male and female, all ages, all different ethnicity's, all shapes and forms. We need to be careful in how we approach these people who are struggling. Our words can hurt someone whose even in recovery. We don't know what to say or what's okay to say. So here's for a little education for outsiders. This is not to put anyone down but to help those understand.
What NOT to say to someone whose in recovery or struggling with an eating disorder:
1) You look great/healthy/better than ever.
This seems like your helping someone whose struggled with an eating disorder. But healthy in terms of an eating disorder person means "I've gotten fat". Yes this may sound foreign to you who doesn't struggle. So just be careful in how you tell a person how they look.
2) You don't look like you've had an eating disorder.
This recently happened to a close friend of mine. She was at the doctor and he told her that. It really triggered her mindset. So in her mind she was "fat" and doesn't look like shes ever been sick before. The can bring set backs in peoples journey's.
3) Commenting on what they are eating.
People who are even in recovery struggle with this. They feel as if you know their struggle, that you are judging them already for what they are eating or not eating. People are hyper sensitive of their food intake.
4) If you'd just eat _____ you will feel better.
Its not about the food. There's way more to an eating disorder that is deeper. People are struggling with deep rooted things that need to be worked through with a professional and God. God is the only one who can fully heal someone and help them through their struggle.
5) Should you really eat that? You've eaten a lot today.
This can send someone into more of a binge mode. It can hurt them in the long run. They already feel fat so this only makes them feel more insecure about themselves.
6) Negative comments about your body.
People with eating disorders could be comparing themselves to you. Or could make them even more insecure about their own looks. Don't shame your own body or anyone elses this brings more negative thoughts to people with eating disorders or even in recovery.
These are just few things that you can be careful when talking with a friend or family member whose struggling. We all need to be educated in order to help those who struggle! God has a plan for each one of you whether thats a mentor, friend, family member, one struggling with an ED, and counselor. Be as sensitive as you can when dealing with people who struggle!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
My life: Real and Raw
I'm a work in progress, EVERYDAY!!! I'll give you a little background of my life just in case you are newer to my blog. Just so you're not fully lost with my story that will follow. I have battled an eating disorder and over exercising disorder for 13 years and been living in recovery and freedom for almost 3 years now. I am grateful for how far God has brought me. Its only him and a few key people who have helped me get to the place that I am in today. But having these battles I have destroyed my body so much. I can get really sad or angry if I dwell in this place for too long. With my body being depleted of so many vitamins and minerals for so many years I have come to health problems. Between 2012 and 2013 I had 7 oral surgeries. YES 7! It was a challenging year and lots of pain. God taught me a lot during that time that I will be forever grateful for. It was a time to be still and if you know me, being still is like taming a kid!! He was so quiet and tender during the hard times but showed me how forever close he was to me. So here's to my realness! Get ready. Deep Breath. Go.
I shared the part of having oral surgeries for the purpose of what's going on in my life now. Thursday night after a great day of work and excited to hang out with the Watson girls'. We ate dinner, played around the house, they took baths, and then movie time. Since its a treat for me to be over there and watch a movie I decided to make popcorn. I mean who doesn't like popcorn? Its so yummy. We were laughing and enjoying Stuart Little. Then I feel a pop and begin chewing on something more crunchy....Okay drum roll....it was my TOOTH. I was like are you kidding me. Even though I am strong in my faith with God, I said a few words. I was really upset. I kept it together for the girls. After the movie was over and the girls went to bed. I LOST IT. I curled up by the fire and just wept like a baby. I know to you guys reading it may not be as big of a deal. But the trauma of 7 surgeries in a year and half just brings me back to those moments. I went to the dentist Friday morning and got something I didn't want to hear. I had fractured a tooth and a bone above it. And YES this is over POPCORN!!! Dr. Gordy told me my bones were so weakened from my past addictions that it didn't take much to break! So here we go on another ride. Heading back to my surgeon this week! I have struggled with knowing this. I have been angry, mad, sad, cried, bitter, anxious, and many more emotions.
So where I am today. Still having a hard time accepting the situation. Been very discouraged. But God blessed me with a sweet friend Friday evening to just vent all this too. She listened to me whine, be sad, and frustrated. But she cared even if I sounded erratic, thats what I needed. She encouraged me to SPEAK TO MY MOUNTAINS IN THE NAME OF JESUS!! This has stuck with me since Friday. I speak out loud and LOUD for the enemy to go. She also gave me a verse to memorize and stand on during the difficult times that I will face today and later in life.
Isaiah 61:2-3
He has sent me to tell
those who mourn
that the time of the
Lord's favor has come,
and with it, the day of
God's anger against
their enemies.
2) To all who mourn in
Israel, he will give a
crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead
of mourning, festive praise
instead of despair. In their
righteousness, they will be
like great oaks that the
Lord has planted for
his own glory.
So in my pain and heart ache there is HOPE and joy that will come. I'm holding onto this promise as I begin a new journey of surgery. I'm not sure what the future holds with my surgery and situation. But I now have a new hope and more peace. I will continue to update on this journey as I know more.
I know people who read my blog has their own struggles. I pray that you can find hope through this verse just as I have. That no matter what we face, we will overcome it. It may not be fun at the moment and may be painful but there is HOPE!!
I shared the part of having oral surgeries for the purpose of what's going on in my life now. Thursday night after a great day of work and excited to hang out with the Watson girls'. We ate dinner, played around the house, they took baths, and then movie time. Since its a treat for me to be over there and watch a movie I decided to make popcorn. I mean who doesn't like popcorn? Its so yummy. We were laughing and enjoying Stuart Little. Then I feel a pop and begin chewing on something more crunchy....Okay drum roll....it was my TOOTH. I was like are you kidding me. Even though I am strong in my faith with God, I said a few words. I was really upset. I kept it together for the girls. After the movie was over and the girls went to bed. I LOST IT. I curled up by the fire and just wept like a baby. I know to you guys reading it may not be as big of a deal. But the trauma of 7 surgeries in a year and half just brings me back to those moments. I went to the dentist Friday morning and got something I didn't want to hear. I had fractured a tooth and a bone above it. And YES this is over POPCORN!!! Dr. Gordy told me my bones were so weakened from my past addictions that it didn't take much to break! So here we go on another ride. Heading back to my surgeon this week! I have struggled with knowing this. I have been angry, mad, sad, cried, bitter, anxious, and many more emotions.
So where I am today. Still having a hard time accepting the situation. Been very discouraged. But God blessed me with a sweet friend Friday evening to just vent all this too. She listened to me whine, be sad, and frustrated. But she cared even if I sounded erratic, thats what I needed. She encouraged me to SPEAK TO MY MOUNTAINS IN THE NAME OF JESUS!! This has stuck with me since Friday. I speak out loud and LOUD for the enemy to go. She also gave me a verse to memorize and stand on during the difficult times that I will face today and later in life.
Isaiah 61:2-3
He has sent me to tell
those who mourn
that the time of the
Lord's favor has come,
and with it, the day of
God's anger against
their enemies.
2) To all who mourn in
Israel, he will give a
crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead
of mourning, festive praise
instead of despair. In their
righteousness, they will be
like great oaks that the
Lord has planted for
his own glory.
So in my pain and heart ache there is HOPE and joy that will come. I'm holding onto this promise as I begin a new journey of surgery. I'm not sure what the future holds with my surgery and situation. But I now have a new hope and more peace. I will continue to update on this journey as I know more.
I know people who read my blog has their own struggles. I pray that you can find hope through this verse just as I have. That no matter what we face, we will overcome it. It may not be fun at the moment and may be painful but there is HOPE!!
Monday, February 17, 2014
Loving the Journey
Most of my posts are real life experiences that I have gone through or going through. So tonight I decided to share more of my journey and finding joy in every circumstances.
As we know life isn't always great, happy, fun, exciting, or good. It sometimes just SUCKS! Yes, I said it! You sometimes are so deep under water that you can't even get your head above the water. I've been there and sometimes have days there. But you can't continue to live there. Its okay to have a bad day or a bad week. Its part of life. As I've grown in my journey of living in freedom and recovery from different addictions, my perspective has shifted. As I've said I still have bad days but I don't have live there anymore. I truly try to enjoy this journey and find the good out of it. God has given me a sense of JOY throughout this journey. And He can also give you that joy.
God has brought me to a point in my journey where I can sit back and not be consumed by my addictions each day. I can enjoy food, family, friends, and LIFE. What a freeing place to be. Even on the hard days they aren't nearly as challenging as they used to be.
Taking small steps each day is the key. Start off surrendering your day to the Lord. When that first negative thought comes to your mind, take it to God and let him help you through the moment. Call a friend who understands your struggle and will encourage you. Distract yourself with another fun activity. There are ways to enjoy your journey. Its finding those things that will help you push through the hard moments!
For me personally enjoying my journey has taken many years of hard work. So please don't think it will happen overnight for you. Know hard work pays off and you will find that peace, joy, and love for your journey! Keep working hard!!!
As we know life isn't always great, happy, fun, exciting, or good. It sometimes just SUCKS! Yes, I said it! You sometimes are so deep under water that you can't even get your head above the water. I've been there and sometimes have days there. But you can't continue to live there. Its okay to have a bad day or a bad week. Its part of life. As I've grown in my journey of living in freedom and recovery from different addictions, my perspective has shifted. As I've said I still have bad days but I don't have live there anymore. I truly try to enjoy this journey and find the good out of it. God has given me a sense of JOY throughout this journey. And He can also give you that joy.
God has brought me to a point in my journey where I can sit back and not be consumed by my addictions each day. I can enjoy food, family, friends, and LIFE. What a freeing place to be. Even on the hard days they aren't nearly as challenging as they used to be.
Taking small steps each day is the key. Start off surrendering your day to the Lord. When that first negative thought comes to your mind, take it to God and let him help you through the moment. Call a friend who understands your struggle and will encourage you. Distract yourself with another fun activity. There are ways to enjoy your journey. Its finding those things that will help you push through the hard moments!
For me personally enjoying my journey has taken many years of hard work. So please don't think it will happen overnight for you. Know hard work pays off and you will find that peace, joy, and love for your journey! Keep working hard!!!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Understanding Addiction
Its not by accident that you have ran into my blog today. God may want to speak to you through your own struggles or watching others suffer through addiction. I'm praying that you will find understanding, freedom, hope, and encouragement from this blog.
Addiction: is the continued repetition of a behavior despite adverse consequences, or a neurological impairment leading to such behaviors.
Addiction is a hard topic, many don't want to talk about it, admit they have an addiction, or confront it with a loved one or a friend. I mean who wants to talk about addiction? I used to never talk about it because its easier to keep it a secret from others. Addiction is bondage. And with not talking about my struggles for 8 years kept me in bondage. I was dying inside in many ways. Scary to think about today as a healthy woman. Even after talking about my addiction I still was in bondage but being open and honest brought freedom/recovery slowly. Guys addiction is a journey.
Someone here may deal with alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, porn, sex, cutting, anxiety, depression, bi polar, and so many more addictions. And whether you are in recovery today or just seeking it now, ITS OKAY. You've come to a safe place to find freedom.
Addiction is a slow process that takes a grip of you. But this grip ends up holding you captive for a long time. When I was starting out with my eating disorder at age 11, I didn't realize it was slowly grabbing me and taking me captive. I was controlling my food and exercise because of other circumstances that had happened to me. But the hand of addiction grabbed me so tight where at age 23 I could have died from it. I was so deep within my anorexia at this time it was hard for others to watch me slowly die. I became to live in the world of "denial" which most addicts live here. I didn't care I was killing myself or others at this time in my life. It had me so tight that not eating and exercise was my life.
Addiction is a killer. And being addicted to things in my own life, I have to each day go before the Lord and seek him to guide my steps, my mind, and my life. Because in one second I could go right back to old behaviors because they seem "appealing" which in reality I know its not. It has been God that has sustained me each day since I was 11 years old. I have to daily cling to God because without him I would not be living a life full of freedom and recovery, have my family, have support, and would not have the testimony that I have today. God gets the glory for all the things I have been through.
If you are supporting one who is struggling with an addiction please please LOVE THEM. Showing them love and acceptance is the best thing a friend or family member could do. We don't need someone to make us feel ashamed anymore than we already do. A lot of shame comes with dealing with an addiction because you have let yourself down and the ones who love you the most. Encourage them don't condemn them. Show the person Jesus in anyway that you can. Jesus is the only one who will and can bring you full healing. Get this person HELP. Don't get me wrong I have been to numerous counselors and treatment centers that FAILED..Yes I said FAILED! But the last place I went was Mercy Ministries. This is where I found God and truly sought freedom from Him and not people or doctors. What a freeing feeling that is. So there is hope in your situation. Get the right help that is centered around God.
Know there is hope for you no matter where you are today. If you are struggling thats OKAY, just seek God and the right help for you. I am here if you need me. Addiction is REAL. Be open and be FREE!! More to come on addiction!
Addiction: is the continued repetition of a behavior despite adverse consequences, or a neurological impairment leading to such behaviors.
Addiction is a hard topic, many don't want to talk about it, admit they have an addiction, or confront it with a loved one or a friend. I mean who wants to talk about addiction? I used to never talk about it because its easier to keep it a secret from others. Addiction is bondage. And with not talking about my struggles for 8 years kept me in bondage. I was dying inside in many ways. Scary to think about today as a healthy woman. Even after talking about my addiction I still was in bondage but being open and honest brought freedom/recovery slowly. Guys addiction is a journey.
Someone here may deal with alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, porn, sex, cutting, anxiety, depression, bi polar, and so many more addictions. And whether you are in recovery today or just seeking it now, ITS OKAY. You've come to a safe place to find freedom.
Addiction is a slow process that takes a grip of you. But this grip ends up holding you captive for a long time. When I was starting out with my eating disorder at age 11, I didn't realize it was slowly grabbing me and taking me captive. I was controlling my food and exercise because of other circumstances that had happened to me. But the hand of addiction grabbed me so tight where at age 23 I could have died from it. I was so deep within my anorexia at this time it was hard for others to watch me slowly die. I became to live in the world of "denial" which most addicts live here. I didn't care I was killing myself or others at this time in my life. It had me so tight that not eating and exercise was my life.
Addiction is a killer. And being addicted to things in my own life, I have to each day go before the Lord and seek him to guide my steps, my mind, and my life. Because in one second I could go right back to old behaviors because they seem "appealing" which in reality I know its not. It has been God that has sustained me each day since I was 11 years old. I have to daily cling to God because without him I would not be living a life full of freedom and recovery, have my family, have support, and would not have the testimony that I have today. God gets the glory for all the things I have been through.
If you are supporting one who is struggling with an addiction please please LOVE THEM. Showing them love and acceptance is the best thing a friend or family member could do. We don't need someone to make us feel ashamed anymore than we already do. A lot of shame comes with dealing with an addiction because you have let yourself down and the ones who love you the most. Encourage them don't condemn them. Show the person Jesus in anyway that you can. Jesus is the only one who will and can bring you full healing. Get this person HELP. Don't get me wrong I have been to numerous counselors and treatment centers that FAILED..Yes I said FAILED! But the last place I went was Mercy Ministries. This is where I found God and truly sought freedom from Him and not people or doctors. What a freeing feeling that is. So there is hope in your situation. Get the right help that is centered around God.
Know there is hope for you no matter where you are today. If you are struggling thats OKAY, just seek God and the right help for you. I am here if you need me. Addiction is REAL. Be open and be FREE!! More to come on addiction!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
The Cycle of Comparing
Okay women....do you ever get stuck in the pattern of comparing yourself to others?? It could consist of: what the other person is wearing, how pretty she is, how thin or how big she is, what type of car she has, the profession they are in, if they are dating and your not, what degree they received, there successes against yours, and so many more.
If I was to get raw and real....I could fit into every category I just shared. I'm just as human as the person reading this. I get so caught up in comparing myself to others who graduated college in four years where its taken me nine years all together. And thank God I'll be graduating in just three months. But I see my friends and acquaintances who have their masters, doctorate degrees, and a career. Then you have myself just finishing my undergrad. I am learning through this that I am finishing what I started many years ago! God calls us to complete what we have started even if it takes nine or twenty years! No shame or judgement.
Another situation hits home so much. I compare my running to others and the way I look. I am so guilty of each of these things. I want to be a faster runner and look more fit. Its not easy at all. But my running has been slowed down due to injuries. I have had to learn to slow down and take care of my body. It has not been easy but is giving me new perspective on taking care of my body. I don't obsess about missing a day or two of working out. ITS OKAY!! God loves me and accepts me whether I run or not that day. Like today its icy outside, I will not be running outside. I'm not mentally freaking out because I know tomorrow is a new day and new choices. Be the best YOU that YOU can be!!!
Those are just a couple things I have been challenged with lately. Take a moment and look at life and see what really matters. It doesn't matter who is doing what all that matters is that you are bettering yourself for the glory of Jesus and being the best YOU!!!
So my challenge for YOU today is take a deep breath and stop comparing!! BE WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE!!!! I'm breaking the same cycle with you! Lets run this race together!
So my challenge for YOU today is take a deep breath and stop comparing!! BE WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE!!!! I'm breaking the same cycle with you! Lets run this race together!
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