Learning to Fight

DEFEAT...DEFEAT...DEFEAT...DEFEAT....defeat...defeat..defeat.....

Sound familiar? I know it does for me. Majority of my life actually! Its one of those familiar words that I hear over and over because the enemy plants the lies in my mind. Recently things have began to change, its a slow process but I'm moving forward.

Jeremiah 1:19
They will fight against
you but will not overcome
you, for I am with you and 
will rescue you," declares
the Lord. 

There are many reasons I have felt defeat for the majority of my life. I will share a few and you may be able to relate to some of the things. I finally graduated college but have yet to find a career. I have dealt with the same struggle with anorexia, bulimia, EDNOS for so many years. I have messed up too many relationships because of my struggles. 

I may have shared a few reason I feel as I have the feelings of defeat. But reality of it, I may struggle with these things but its not who I am. Learning that I can control my thoughts and how I react has been freeing for me. YES, OF COURSE I still act out in defeat or other emotions. Learning to line my thoughts with positive thoughts and with the word of God has brought peace to my life. 

As things have been shifting my whole perspective on life has changed. I have gotten out more, rekindled friendships, starting to like myself for me, I can skip a day of running, I'm having more peace. This is from getting back in the word, speaking truth over myself, having accountability, working my butt off, and getting back into community. Things shift when you put positivity into it!

My challenge for you is to start speaking positive, life giving words over yourself and others. Start small and continue to add more positive things such as the word of God, scripture, accountability, and maybe even the book "Battlefield of the Mind." Its a challenging book but will change your perspective on your entire life!! 

Keep on Keeping on!! 
Fighting the battle with you! 

The Health Journey continues....

So about a month ago I talked a little about losing my health and trying to find it. Well, its still a journey but its becoming a beautiful journey. Lots of ups and downs, and twists and turns. Its been ugly on days and pretty on others. If you or know someone else who has been through something significant that has shaken your life, you know all too well what a journey looks like. It would be great if I could say I woke up one morning and life was just great! But you know the journey is what makes you, you. It can shape you into a better, stronger, more beautiful person. And that's what the journey is all about. Its messy with some pieces of beauty in it.

Here's a piece of my health journey that I find beautiful and find hope in.

I have found myself for once in my life. I always felt so stuck in my head and couldn't get out. I had a friend tell me for a while to get into yoga, my excuse was I'm not flexible or calm enough to do it. I ended up just attending one yoga class and was hooked. I am still not extremely flexible but I go with it. I find myself daily trying something new with yoga.  Its like stop, drop, and do yoga. My only outlet for years was running. This was the only time I could find some clarity. And YES, I'm still a very avid runner, when I'm not injured. I just ran 10 miles of trail yesterday. The passion for running will probably never leave this runners life. 

I am grateful that I am finding myself and my health. I feel as my entire life of battling the disorders that I have, I was made to find health. I was sent he to treatment or told to see a therapist. Nothing worked. I didn't want it fully for myself until other things arose in my life. My health was crumbling away right before my eyes. It kinda scared me. One professional got real, she said I give you just a few years of living if you don't get it together. It was a kick in the butt. Something clicked for me to realize I have to take action or see death sooner than I'd like. 

Since its been the first time I've been finding it for myself its more beautiful but doesn't mean its easier. I don't have to have a treatment team of people on me or working with me daily. That's not what I needed. I needed to find things that worked for me. A lot of the work has been done alone, some consulted with a physician, some work with a counselor, and accountability. I had to make choices alone of getting off my medication and learn how to function without it. But reality with a few supplements and getting off I am such a happier person who actually likes life. Many other decisions have had to be made but the medication was the biggest and the best choice. So do what's best for you! 

This journey is a daily choice that I choose. Some days I have no desire to try because its a fight, its a battle. But all I do is try my best each day. And that's all you can ask for in yourself. Recovery isn't perfect nor pretty at times, but its worth it. Its worth the person I'm becoming. If my journey gives one person a glimpse of hope it is so worth it. 

Just keep on keeping on 

Understanding Addiction

Its not by accident that you have ran into my blog today. God may want to speak to you through your own struggles or watching others suffer through addiction. I'm praying that you will find understanding, freedom, hope, and encouragement from this blog.

Addiction: is the continued repetition of a behavior despite adverse consequences, or a neurological impairment leading to such behaviors.

Addiction is a hard topic, many don't want to talk about it, admit they have an addiction, or confront it with a loved one or a friend. I mean who wants to talk about addiction? I used to never talk about it because its easier to keep it a secret from others. Addiction is bondage. And with not talking about my struggles for 8 years kept me in bondage. I was dying inside in many ways. Scary to think about today as a healthy woman. Even after talking about my addiction I still was in bondage but being open and honest brought freedom/recovery slowly. Guys addiction is a journey. 

Someone here may deal with alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, porn, sex, cutting, anxiety, depression, bi polar, and so many more addictions. And whether you are in recovery today or just seeking it now, ITS OKAY. You've come to a safe place to find freedom. 

Addiction is a slow process that takes a grip of you. But this grip ends up holding you captive for a long time. When I was starting out with my eating disorder at age 11, I didn't realize it was slowly grabbing me and taking me captive. I was controlling my food and exercise because of other circumstances that had happened to me. But the hand of addiction grabbed me so tight where at age 23 I could have died from it. I was so deep within my anorexia at this time it was hard for others to watch me slowly die. I became to live in the world of "denial" which most addicts live here. I didn't care I was killing myself or others at this time in my life. It had me so tight that not eating and exercise was my life. 

Addiction is a killer. And being addicted to things in my own life, I have to each day go before the Lord and seek him to guide my steps, my mind, and my life. Because in one second I could go right back to old behaviors because they seem "appealing" which in reality I know its not. It has been God that has sustained me each day since I was 11 years old. I have to daily cling to God because without him I would not be living a life full of freedom and recovery, have my family, have support, and would not have the testimony that I have today. God gets the glory for all the things I have been through. 

If you are supporting one who is struggling with an addiction please please LOVE THEM. Showing them love and acceptance is the best thing a friend or family member could do. We don't need someone to make us feel ashamed anymore than we already do. A lot of shame comes with dealing with an addiction because you have let yourself down and the ones who love you the most. Encourage them don't condemn them. Show the person Jesus in anyway that you can. Jesus is the only one who will and can bring you full healing. Get this person HELP. Don't get me wrong I have been to numerous counselors and treatment centers that FAILED..Yes I said FAILED! But the last place I went was Mercy Ministries. This is where I found God and truly sought freedom from Him and not people or doctors. What a freeing feeling that is. So there is hope in your situation. Get the right help that is centered around God. 

Know there is hope for you no matter where you are today. If you are struggling thats OKAY, just seek God and the right help for you. I am here if you need me. Addiction is REAL. Be open and be FREE!! More to come on addiction!