The Struggle of a Runner

The struggle is REAL! If you have met me for more than 5 minutes, you will know I'm an avid runner. Its my life, its my passion, its my stress relief, its what keeps me going. Well the past two years has been a roller coaster of injuries, pains, slower times, and discouragement. But I've not lost my drives or passion for running. Nor have I taken the time off to fully recovery from each injury. And I'm okay with that! It may have just taken a little longer to fully heal.

Well, where I say the struggle is real. Its my latest thing. Thank God its not an injury but it still dampens   my running. Friday I was out for a run, in my favorite running weather. It was a drizzling a little and was in the 40s. I was a happy runner. I felt great, strong, and running a good pace for me. I was content, just thinking and enjoying my run. I hit Tyler and Hogan and my right calf cramped up. Now you have a tough girl sitting on the side walk holding back tears. Even though I was cramped up, I was more mad that I couldn't continue running. I stretched with no luck. So I hobbled home. Did some stretching and felt okay. But I was still upset I couldn't finish my run. That's just the mind of a runner. I did end up getting over it and going to work.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was house sitting and lived only about 1.5 miles from the fitness center. So my great mind was run up there, go to weight training, and then do some running afterwards. My plan is not always the right plan. Goodness, that hurts. We all want to think we have the right plan or idea. Well my great mind wasn't right on this day. I didn't even make it to the fitness center before it cramped back up. Now talk about an angry person coming out. I was like really? Why is this happening to me? I was so angry. I may still be a little upset about it. So I went on to weight training and just modified some of the exercises. Takes my pride away to do that. Because I want to be the best at everything. Not always a good trait that I have. And really STRIP my pride having to ask someone to take me home because I know I can't make it home running.

Oh the journey! It has been hard for me to accept and take care of the soreness. I have learned that my plan doesn't always go as planned. And that my plan in reality doesn't matter. I can try and do it my own way and hope for the best. But I have to take a step back and take care of my body. I started potassium, rolling on a foam roller, and low impact cardio. Its not what I want but hopefully all will work itself out!

If you are an injured runner and missing it. Embrace your journey and know it will be over eventually. And we all will be back on the roads soon enough right!!! I know a few days of rest, I'll be back at it! Its just frustrating and a struggle for being a strong runner! Trying to put my runners smile on. keep on keeping on friends! The journey and struggle is real but doesn't have to define us.

I'll let it as my mantra: Keep On Keeping On! Never Give up! 

The Health Journey continues....

So about a month ago I talked a little about losing my health and trying to find it. Well, its still a journey but its becoming a beautiful journey. Lots of ups and downs, and twists and turns. Its been ugly on days and pretty on others. If you or know someone else who has been through something significant that has shaken your life, you know all too well what a journey looks like. It would be great if I could say I woke up one morning and life was just great! But you know the journey is what makes you, you. It can shape you into a better, stronger, more beautiful person. And that's what the journey is all about. Its messy with some pieces of beauty in it.

Here's a piece of my health journey that I find beautiful and find hope in.

I have found myself for once in my life. I always felt so stuck in my head and couldn't get out. I had a friend tell me for a while to get into yoga, my excuse was I'm not flexible or calm enough to do it. I ended up just attending one yoga class and was hooked. I am still not extremely flexible but I go with it. I find myself daily trying something new with yoga.  Its like stop, drop, and do yoga. My only outlet for years was running. This was the only time I could find some clarity. And YES, I'm still a very avid runner, when I'm not injured. I just ran 10 miles of trail yesterday. The passion for running will probably never leave this runners life. 

I am grateful that I am finding myself and my health. I feel as my entire life of battling the disorders that I have, I was made to find health. I was sent he to treatment or told to see a therapist. Nothing worked. I didn't want it fully for myself until other things arose in my life. My health was crumbling away right before my eyes. It kinda scared me. One professional got real, she said I give you just a few years of living if you don't get it together. It was a kick in the butt. Something clicked for me to realize I have to take action or see death sooner than I'd like. 

Since its been the first time I've been finding it for myself its more beautiful but doesn't mean its easier. I don't have to have a treatment team of people on me or working with me daily. That's not what I needed. I needed to find things that worked for me. A lot of the work has been done alone, some consulted with a physician, some work with a counselor, and accountability. I had to make choices alone of getting off my medication and learn how to function without it. But reality with a few supplements and getting off I am such a happier person who actually likes life. Many other decisions have had to be made but the medication was the biggest and the best choice. So do what's best for you! 

This journey is a daily choice that I choose. Some days I have no desire to try because its a fight, its a battle. But all I do is try my best each day. And that's all you can ask for in yourself. Recovery isn't perfect nor pretty at times, but its worth it. Its worth the person I'm becoming. If my journey gives one person a glimpse of hope it is so worth it. 

Just keep on keeping on 

Health....

I'm feeling a little blog post again. May be I'm becoming inspired again? Who knows. I write a lot to myself just to get the junk out. But not for others. So may be I'm on to something again.

I love being an inspiration to others because of the things I walk through on a daily basis. I don't wish anything upon anyone. Because life can just be HARD. It can suck, if we were to be real here. I'm all about being real. And I mentioned in my other post, the past few months have been hard! Rough and sucked to be honest. The same ole things creep into my life and sucks me in. People die. Accidents happen. Friend in a coma. Graduating college, and starting a new path back in school. Stress. Life. Anxiety. Depression.

And losing your health in the midst of it.

YES, I skipped a few lines in between. But crap happens. It brings you down. You lose your passion for life and others. You have a hard time finding compassion towards others. Its just like you're losing yourself in the midst of the chaos. And a piece of me has been lost. And that's okay. We all lose ourselves at times. But its picking yourself back up and finding yourself.

 That last sentence I put so lightly and seems like I have found it. But let me say this, my puzzle pieces are still scattered everywhere. And that's OKAY. I'm not that easy on myself. But find some grace for yourself. Even if its just a little bit. And if you find that grace for yourself, share with me and maybe I can learn from you :)

When I say I've lost my health. Its not just physically. Its mind, body, and soul. You have to look at it with all perspectives. I suck everyday at something. One area gets better and then another area weakens. Its part of life. But all you can do is try. And I'm not talking about half ass doing it (sorry my word choice). I'm talking about trying at 110%. NO, I'm not always at 110% but I'm there trying. And that's all you can do. If you know at the end of the day, no matter how crappy it was or how great it was, that you gave it your best, than that's a success. And other days on the scale you may be a 0, as in I sucked all day. Well, I've been there and still have those days, WEEKLY.  Don't beat yourself up. Just go to bed as I do and wake up for another day to fight the good fight. And all we can do is keep on, keepin on.


Life is not a sprint, its a marathon.
The journey may suck, but just keep on, keepin on.