Body Shaming

Yesterday, I come in from a trip (a long one, full of reassignments). I rest, go out and run errands, and come home to shower.

A shower is a must after being on a dirty airplane all day!!! As I was getting in the shower, I stood in front of the mirror picking at every ounce of "fat" that I felt that I had. I realized that every time I walk into a bathroom, a gym, or a store, I stare in the mirror at my body. I have the same emotions and feelings towards it: disgusting, fat, lose a little weight here or there, unworthy, big butt, ugly, not skinny enough.

As all of these emotions were going through my head, I stopped, I pondered. I realized I was body shaming MYSELF! Its not other people speaking these negative things to me, its me. I'm my worst enemy. We are our worst critics, even when we don't realize it at the moment.

Body shaming was coming from myself and my own thoughts, I realized I'm the one who can change these thought patterns. I climbed in bed utterly exhausted from my trip, but found God whose been waiting on me to submit this over to him. He is so patient and willing to wait until I'm ready.

What's cool about God is that he is gentle and willing to give you direction in how to get your mind whole and strong again. He wasn't shaming me for how I felt. He was accepting in how my thought processes were going. I felt a peace over my mind that hasn't been there in a while. He reminded me that in the worlds eye's I'm not perfect but in His eyes I am perfect.

I didn't realize for so long I was body shaming myself. I believed since I had been in recovery for quiet sometime that I was healthy, because my weight has been healthy. Reality body shaming is putting yourself down. We all can sit here and say we have done this at one point or another in our lives. Especially us women :).

We can change these behaviors by making small changes each day. Heck no, it won't be an overnight process. I wish! We all wish! But each day instead of focusing on what we hate the most about our bodies we can find one positive thing about our body or ourselves. We can learn to love ourselves. I don't have the answers but I do know it is possible to recover from body shaming.

Lets take each day as it come and slowly we will be able to accept ourselves!

Mother Teresa Struggled Too

Lately I have had a heavy heart to bring light to the topic of depression. Even if it encourages just one person, its worth my time to sit here and type. I also think that its time for people to stand up and help take the stigma away from the term "depression." 

Soon after I posted last week on depression, I ran across an article that shared that Mother Teresa struggled with depression. I was shocked, but I was also reminded that depression doesn't discriminate gender, sexuality, christian, non christian, good people, bad people, cultures. It can plague anyone! 

Here is a quote from Mother Teresa:

"Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The child of your love -- and now become as the most hated one -- the one You have thrown away as unwanted -- unloved. I call, I cling, I want -- and there is no One to answer -- no One on Whom I can cling -- no, No One. Alone . . . I am told God loves me -- and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul."

She wrote this in the 1950s. From a woman who committed her time to helping the poor, sick, and hurting. She felt alone, abandoned, hurt, left in the dark, and empty. Many of us today can relate to her emotions and feelings. We've all been here and felt no hope! Whether its a chemical imbalance, environmental, or circumstantial, we've been in the pit. 

But...yes...BUT....look at Mother Teresa, she overcame. She didn't allow the enemy or the world to take her down. There is hope for us all. There is healing for us. She made peace within herself and God to overcome this. I'm sure she still had many days of darkness but chose joy and to focus on others. 

I believe when we take the focus off our situation and struggles to focus on others, things begin to fall into place. We may still have days where we feel down and out because I know I sure do! Its we are HUMAN not God nor perfect. But take those days as they come and try to do the next best thing for you. Nothing is an overnight change, it takes time and refocus on the things that need to be focused on. 

Allow Mother Teresa's struggle in life to become an encouragement to you and me. She fought hard and focused on others to be who she was. Isn't it wonderful to see such a strong, brave woman show her hurting side, so people like you and me could find hope and encouragement! 

Be brave today friend! 

Stop the Stigma

So....Lets talk about a topic that no one wants to talk openly about. There are many reason people avoid the topic of "Depression." 

1) The stigma on the word "depression"

2) The shame one holds who is struggling

3) Being labeled as a mental disorder

4) People believe its self inflicted

5) People judge you for your struggle

These are just a few reasons that came to mind first. I know we could go through a list and think of reasons we won't discuss depression. But I'm here to be real about depression. 

Leave the stigma behind and lets talk. 

I can't pinpoint exactly when my depression first occurred, but I know it started young.  I was going through a difficult situation that I had no control over at around 8 years old. I honestly didn't understand the circumstances until a couple years later. That is when my life went to turmoil. I didn't realize at the time it was depression that I was dealing with. 

Once I started struggling with depression as a preteen it was just the start of what years ahead would look like. It has gone into my teenage years and my adult years. Sometimes you can't even describe why you are depressed, which then causes people to judge. This shuts the person down who is struggling with depression. Which can lead to a deep downward spiral in their life. 

I've been in some really scary places in my life when I felt as there was no hope. Causes for these emotions can vary from losing a loved one, failure, having no value or self worth, break ups, disappointments, and many more things. 

But where the stigma stops is where support comes in from loved ones. I have been fortunate to have family and close friends walking this journey of life with me. Yes, I know that it has been hard for my family over the years but you know what they have carried me through. 

Ways you can stop the stigma:

1) Listen to your friend or loved one.

2) Show you care for their needs. 

3) Do research on depression to better understand their emotions/feelings. 

4) Be accepting. 

5) Never give up when they are struggling. 

Your support can go a long way! But please stop judging the person whose struggling because you may not realize the internal battle they are dealing with.  Be patient with your friend or family member during the vulnerable season they are in. 

You never know, you may save a life! 

Empowering Others

"I love

the person

I've become

because I fought

to become her."

~Kaci Diane

Recently I had an opportunity to chat with a fellow Flight Attendant for a while on the phone. I haven't even flown with her, but she jump seated on a flight I was working many months ago. We got to talking about many things during the 45 minutes we had on the phone. 

One take away I took was Empowering women. It really got the wheels going on in my mind! I have been living many years of my life trying to figure out life. Have I figured it out? Heck no! Will I ever? Absolutely NO! But I had this false thought that I had to have my crap together in order to empower and help others. 

Reality here is, we will always be a work in progress whether we are 20 or 90 years old. So what is stopping me or you from empowering others? Is it fear? Is it anxiety? Is it your past? Is it your time? 

I don't have a solution where to start or begin. So we're in this together figuring it out. But whether its part of my story or life experience lets link together and empower others. 

Be bold and share your life experiences to others. Love one another. Fight for one another. We can make a change in others lives! 

Seasons in the Journey

Its been a while since I've sat down and shared my heart! So here we are on this beautiful 25th of May! I sit outside my home in Mckinney, Texas, hearing the waterfall dripping into the pool. Its a beautiful and peaceful place to sit. Minus the humidity and bugs already happening here!! 

I will back up to last September, so many changes, so many moves, new states, new cities, new people.  You name it, I have probably experienced it within the realm of moving. I started my journey in Dallas, Texas last September. I was excited about this new opportunity so the thought of being away from family and friends wasn't as big of a deal. I now had 59 new friends and cohorts. We were thrown into long hours of studying, classes, drills, videos, crazy hours, and many different personalities. And boy did I study! I felt after class, I hit the books! It was well worth it. 

My plan was to stay in Dallas as my base, well we know God had a DIFFERENT plan for my life. I found out around week four of training my little Arkansas self would be driving to Miami, Florida for a new life. Was I happy? No! Did I make it? YES! A girl who grew up in a town of 50,000 people to a city that never slept! It was an adjustment to say the least! I wasn't ready, but I was going. God sent a few blessings with me to Miami. He sent 36 of my classmates and I to Miami and sent a family I would live with for six months. This family became my own family. The loved me, they prayed with me, they encouraged me, cooked me dinner, took me to Cracker Barrel when I asked, watched stupid movies with me on Sundays, and became part of my life. My three besties from training even went to Miami. It was a challenging transition with many tears, but it was filled with Joy, growth, fun, adventure, and life. I wouldn't have been able to grow and figure out more of myself if I hadn't lived in Miami for the six months. I had a love/hate relationship with it. I would sit for hours on the beach and just dream. Sunsets, dinner with my girls, flying international the second I hold a line in Miami. I mean who holds international as a new flight attendant? Not many of us. But I still had this growing heart to move back to Dallas. 

Here I am. I'm here! I received my transfer to Dallas/Forth Worth with much excitement back in April of this year. I called my mom right away, posted on social media, texted friends. I was thrilled. Little did I think about in my excitement was the transition of moving once again. I had just gotten comfortable living in Florida. Learning the area, meeting a few people, flying amazing trips, loving my new family. So here I am, I'm a Texas girl now. But the emotions started to come, the out of places settled in, the sadness of missing my new family and best friends that I had met flying, the unknown, the thought of did I make the right decision? So many things going on. I honestly felt much depression from this. And the flying isn't as great here as it is in Miami :). 

I went from vibrant to just functioning. I think if I had prepared myself to the new "New" I would have handled it much differently. But once I began to remember that even in my excitement going to training and moving to Florida, I still had these moments. I just thought I was so excited to be a Flight Attendant for the New American, I didn't feel the emotions are deeply. But if I look back on the first days of training and moving to Florida, they were there. I was just focused on work and traveling more than having times on my hand. 

Moving to Dallas, I know a few people but we fly totally different schedules. And the months I'm on reserve we have a lot more down time than work time. Which is amazing when I had people to go see or go sit on the beach. Here its different. I would text my few friends for prayers, encouragement. and share my heart. Which has been the biggest blessings in my life! 

Last weekend I was laying around and thinking okay what are some changes I could make to get out of my funk. I had a few friends tell me about Gateway. But I also had a special angel on my first reserve trip out of Dallas. We had a long flight back from Brazil so much time to chat. I had found out this lady was a speaker and writer. I asked about her life, when she was in town where she attended church. She went to Gateway, just another way God leading me to this church. 

I finally took a leap of faith last Saturday and went. It reminded me so much of New Life back in Arkansas. I felt at home. It was my place, it was my home. Also I am learning to do things alone, being a people person this can be challenge. I took myself on a couple dinner dates. I may have looked like the poor girl sitting in the corner, but it was amazing to be brave enough to go and do something like this. I found that it was okay to share a meal alone. Not that I want to continue to live like this, but for this season I'm learning to lean into God and allow him to teach me and grow me. 

I share the entire background that you can understand its all seasons we go through. But in this season I'm learning I have a choice to make in how I deal with it. For a couple weeks, it wasn't pretty and I still may fail. But I know I have a God that is bigger than any transition we go through. Its not easy, it sucks to be blunt! But slowly finding my place here will be worth it in the end. It will be and feel more like home! 

No matter where you find yourself, in the dumps, low low low, hopeless, helpless, angry, sad, or on top of the world, excited, ready for the next season. Know God is a big God. He will carry you through and give you the peace that can only be from him. 

I work in progress. I may have broken pieces shattered all over the place, but I see a God that is putting the pieces slowly back together to make beautiful. Its just a season, so keep swimming!!!  

"If you feel like 

you're falling apart,

fall into my arms.

I promise I will catch

every little piece of you

and I promise 

I will always love 

your brokenness." 

--Anita Krizzan

I see God in this little quote like none other! He is constant in our lives. And loves our brokenness! 

Worried?

Real Life, Real Struggles

Lately, has been filled with worry. Whether its reality or just scared of things that haven't happened yet.  It has plagued me recently.  I have lost sleep, not been in the presence moment, and just not been happy. 

We all could admit that we struggle at times with worry. Can't you? I know, I can! How do you handle yourself when you feel completely out of control with your worry? Its a nonfunctional feeling. I get it too well. I'm not usually this open about this debilitating feeling. But here I am, I know I'm not alone in this area. 

Some things I have worried about is not even worth my time. Because it may never happen. Ever been there? But it seems so real in that moment. Or things that you think will happen because of the things going on. Its like how can I get my brain to stop!!! Its a daily struggle. 

But here is where I am, after no sleep for a few days. Literally NO SLEEP!! I was a mess. But then after a day and a half of more sleep! I took a 4 hour nap. Then slept 12 hours the next night. Sleep has done wonders. I mean, I get why we are designed to SLEEP! I'm a functional person again. I'm thinking more clear. Because I was the irrational person speaking for a couple days! 

So after getting sleep. Getting my brain and body back into sync. Things changed for the better. I was thinking clearer (Thank God!). I was able to function in a way I hadn't in a while. So when you're back to rational thinking. You see God more clear and that he was walking in the midst of that darkness the entire time. Even when I didn't see or feel him. 

I love knowing that God never left my side. I lose sight of that when I get so worried and amped up into irrational thinking. He was there, waiting on me to run back to him. Wow!! So here are a few lessons I've learned in the last bit of dealing with extreme worry. 

1) God has not left my side. He cared for me in the midst of my fears. 

2) I was loved and cared for even when I didn't feel it. 

3) I was never alone. 

4) We think more clearer when we finally sleep!!!

5) Allow God to meet you in the midst of the worry. 

6) Thankful through it all. I am learning through it now. 

We are human, we go through all different things to get us to where we need to go. I have not overcome this. But I have taken a step closer to overcoming. 

"So don't worry about 

tomorrow, for tomorrow will

bring its own worries. 

Today's trouble is enough for 

today."

Matthew 6:34

"Don't worry about

anything; Instead, pray

about everything. Tell God

what you need, and thank 

him for all he has done."

Philippians 4:6

These are two verses I have been clinging too. And trusting. I pray that through my struggle, you will be encouraged and able to overcome and feel like you are not ALONE!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Just a Dream

We all have dreams right? A lot of dreams that we don't actually react to. Been there most of my life. I ponder on things I want to do but never put action to these dreams. A lot of the reason I didn't put action to the dreams is because of the lies I was believing. I didn't think I was worthy enough, smart enough, or good enough. All these things the enemy kept telling me. My story wouldn't help anyone was a big one. I was so tired of listening to these lies. So I finally said screw the devil, I'm going to follow my dream.

If you've followed my blog for any time, you know that I speak a lot on recovery, addiction, eating disorders, depression, pain, anger, exercise, abuse, and much more. I'll continue to blog and share my thoughts and heart. But its time to fully emerge myself in one of my biggest dreams yet!

I truly believe that the things I have been through isn't to be kept quiet any longer but to share with others who are hurting also. We ALL have a story to tell! And it all has meaning for others and for yourself. So I'm here to share the pain, failures, hurts, for others to find healing. And praying for more healing within my own heart.

I'm still a broken person. I think we all are a little if we look within ourselves. I still have daily struggles, daily surrenders, daily decision to make. But that's no longer stopping me from sharing with others. I'll continue to heal, learn, and grow through this season.

But my story is finally hitting "book" form. I'm going to be raw and real but also share that there is hope no matter where we are. I'm praying God uses each part to touch just one person who needs to hear it. I'm excited and ready for this next season.

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace— a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies— and to comfort all who mourn, To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness” planted by God to display his glory. They’ll rebuild the old ruins, raise a new city out of the wreckage. They’ll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new. You’ll hire outsiders to herd your flocks and foreigners to work your fields, But you’ll have the title “Priests of God,” honored as ministers of our God. You’ll feast on the bounty of nations, you’ll bask in their glory. Because you got a double dose of trouble and more than your share of contempt, Your inheritance in the land will be doubled and your joy go on forever.

I feel as God has given me this verse to stand on during this time of writing and seeking him for guidance. This is where it all starts. Stay tuned for details throughout this journey!!!

How Plexus Helped My Eating Disorder

Over the past year, I have had a couple people approach me about joining Plexus. I was like absolutely NO! And that was because of my history of my eating disorder. I knew putting "weight loss" products in my life would not be healthy. I also knew that I would be judged by others who knew what plexus products were usually used for. So I chose not too.

I went on with my life and didn't think about it a whole lot after that. I moved to Texas for training and then onto Florida, where I live now. I reached out to an old friend because I was struggling with depression, being away from friends and family, and starting a new career. It was just a challenging time for me.

My friend encouraged me and was there for me. After a few conversations she shared Plexus with me. I was like no at first and since we have a close relationship I could share my concerns about the products. She totally understood my fears and concerns. So I did my own research!! I realized that not all products are for weight loss. Its about so much more!! Its about finding health in your body!!!!!

After about a week, I got back to my friend and said I'M IN!!! She was thrilled to help me get started.

Over the years my recovery with my Eating Disorder has been full of ups and downs. Some days are great and other days are a struggle. Its part of my normal life. As I began the products I realized things were changing, but for the GOOD. I was no longer craving all the sugar and carbs, which this helped me choose healthier options. When I choose things that are healthier, I feel so much better about myself. Craving healthy food is an amazing feeling!

I no longer was bingeing. I would sit down and stop when I was full. This would never happen in the past. I would normally skip meals or eat like a horse when I sat down to eat. I had zero control and zero balance. Now, I feel "semi-normal" when I sit down to eat. I only eat until I'm full. I still have my days where I may skip or eat too much. But I have the control over food that I never have had before. I feel the confidence I never had before over food. I know its still a journey for me, but its a journey that I can handle now.

Craving water and healthy foods. Oh my goodness!! Let me tell you, I have always been a super healthy eater but that was because I was scared of most foods that were not in my "safe" food group. I would just eat healthy to maintain. But I would end up bingeing on the "bad"foods. Now I look for salads, greens, vegetables, all healthy food. I love it! I don't think about where is that chocolate or cake or pie. I will enjoy a piece if I am given a piece. But I stop after a couple bites now. Use too, I would eat the whole piece or more and purge. Not a healthy thing. But it was my reality. It may also be your reality. You're not alone!! Its hard!!! I'm also always looking for water. I love water now. I feel better getting all the water in, where use to I would not get even half of my daily water intake in.

I use to always be so exhausted. And this is because I never was getting enough sleep or the proper intake of food. My sleep has always been horrible! Since I was a kid. Now I'm sleeping most of the time at least 7-8 hours a night. This has never happened. I kinda get excited now to look at my fitbit in the morning to see how my sleep was!! I have never had the best eating habits. Like I said earlier, it was either restriction or bingeing. I have not fully conquered this part. But I am daily eating more, because I am craving healthy things. And I know the days I eat the things my body needs, I feel so much better. I have the energy that I need to properly perform my job. So it may be a challenge to get in all the nutrients that I need, but I am improving each day!!! Thank you Jesus!

If you struggle with an eating disorder, please don't be scared to take the next step. This may be products to help you overcome as it has for me! I would love to walk this journey with you or a loved one. Please feel free to contact me!!

whitneyrwest@yahoo.com

Keep on Fighting!!!

The Legacy of Papaw

This is my last picture with Papaw. I happened to be home the weekend my family put him on hospice. I am so thankful I was home. I sat in a chair right by his bed and just held his hand. It was a beautiful moment for us. We played the Gathers (his favorite christian band). We played Amazing Grace!! He became coherent when I played Amazing Grace. He loved it. I could tell he was ready to go be with the Lord that day. I continued telling him we were all taken care of and he could go in peace. Just two days later, he left us.

I had an amazing grandpa. He loved his family well. He always made sure we were all taken care of. He was a pastor for over 50 years. He led many to Christ as well as our family also. He wanted all of us to come to Christ and know him. He lived this example out daily, which inspires me to live out also. Knowing he loved Jesus like he did, helped us have peace with his passing. He is reunited with Jesus and his wife Momma Hattie. Papaw is loving life! We are thankful!

A story I shared at his celebration last week, I thought I could share with my readers.

I always spent at least once a week with my grandparents. I would drive them to Cracker Barrel and we would enjoy our lunch. On this particular day, my Momma Hattie stayed home to tutor. So it was just Papaw and myself. After we finished lunch, I asked what else he needed to do while we were out? He proceeded to tell me he needed is drivers license renewed. So, I drove him down to the DMV. They checked his eyes, took his picture, and we walked out with a new license.
As I got home that night, I told my dad about our day. He told me he had been putting off getting that renewed because Papaw wasn't suppose to be driving anymore. He may have gotten his license renewed, but never made it back on the road. At least to my knowledge!!

We have many more memories but that is something my family and I still laugh about! He will be missed! But he is now living in paradise and loving life!!

You Are Not Your Eating Disorder

Yes, I'm posting a clip I wrote about Christen again. But what I want you to focus on is:

" You are not 

Your illness. 

You have an

Individual

story to tell.

You have 

a name,

a history,

a Personality.

Staying 

yourself 

is part of

the battle."

I love this quote, I'm unsure who wrote it. I won't take credit for it :). But friends, we are not our eating disorder. How cool is that. I have been guilty of saying, "my" eating disorder. Oh my word, its not "my" because I am speaking that its still part of me. Yes, I still struggle but I don't have to be identified to the eating disorder as possession over my life. 

I believe when we take out the possession of the Eating disorder, it doesn't have as much power over us. I mean in reality, who really wants the power of being identified as only being the girl who has an eating disorder. It takes time to begin peeling the onion and changing your mindset of how you view yourself outside of the eating disorder. This takes times, and I'm still learning this daily. 

Viewing yourself outside of having an eating disorder is hard. We are powerful women who have a story to share. Our story is to help others overcome there own demons of the eating disorder. The cool thing is even if we are still in the middle of our struggle, you can help others by sharing your passion of overcoming, having victory over small things and big things, being yourself to others, and being true to YOU!! 

God has a plan for each of us. Yes, at times I struggle with this because I want a quick fix, my own power. But God is working for us not against us! He is waiting for us to fully give over the eating disorder to him! He is unfolding your story right in front of you! We can choose to write out own story which brings more defeat than anything. Or we can choose to allow God to help write our stories. These stories become powerful! It takes the power of our eating disorder to a story of healing and redemption. Still learning each day on how to let go and let God! 

Be you, fight for you, fight for others, love yourself, be kind to yourself, help yourself, help others, don't give up....

A song I cling to daily, it inspires me to fight!!!!

Until you stop breathing
Until you stop bleeding
Until your heart stops kick-drum beating
When it's hard times
When it's long days
And the enemy is right up in your face
When your back's against the ropes and you're feeling all alone

Keep fighting the good fight (Never give up, never give up)
Keep letting your light shine (Holding it high as long as you live)
'Cause I'm never gonna leave you
Always gonna see you through to the other side
Keep fighting the good, fighting the good, fighting the good fight, good fight

Even in the road blocks (yeah)
Even through the rough spots
When you're feeling you've given all that you've got
I'm with you in the next step
Giving you in the next breath
I'll be the voice saying "You're gonna make it"
When you're out there on your own
You are never alone

Keep fighting the good fight (Keep fighting the good fight) (Never give up, never give up)
Keep letting your light shine (Keep letting your light shine) (Holding it high as long as you live)
'Cause I'm never gonna leave you
Always gonna see you through to the other side
Keep fighting the good, fighting the good, fighting the good fight, good fight

Just keep on singing (Keep on singing)
And keep on dancing (Just keep on dancing)
Joy will be your banner
And My love will be your anthem
And you may never know what your tomorrow holds
But you can know that I am holding your tomorrow

Keep fighting the good fight
Keep letting your light shine
Keep fighting the good fight (Keep fighting the good fight) (Never give up, never give up)
Keep letting your light shine (Keep letting your light shine) (Holding it high as long as you live)
'Cause I'm never gonna leave you
Always gonna see you through to the other side
Keep fighting the good, fighting the good, fighting the good fight, good fight

Fighting the good fight

My Journey

Just six years ago this was my reality. DEATH....It had been knocking on my door for years. I was exhausted and tired of fighting. My family had just sent me to treatment just 8 months before this, hoping that I would come back better. I did for only a few months. Then the inner demons came right back at me taking me down, to almost death. Its scary to look back on those dark days. I decided to go to treatment once again but to a place that was free of charge and spiritual based.

I went to Mercy Ministries (now Mercy Multiplied). I am so thankful for each person I met at Mercy and really finding God for myself. I was ready to find healing and wholeness at this point in my life. Whats cool is that even in my disbelief, God still met me and walked with me.

Six months of being at Mercy were some of the hardest months but I walked away different. No I wasn't done healing and still had many struggles ahead of me. But I knew where my true strength came from and that was God. I had a staff that believed in me, loved me, and walked with me, with compassion. I never felt alone there. It was the beginning of a new journey and life.

Since being graduated from Mercy almost 5 years ago, I've had many struggles within my eating disorder and depression. I have thought I was going to lose it again, lost hope, had zero strength....But I can tell you even when I wasn't fully seeking God, he was fighting for me. My family, friends, treatment team was fighting for me. I may have felt alone, but I am never alone.

This is a journey that I'm on. I have to fight my eating disorder behaviors and depression. But I have and will not give up. As I've stated before, God hasn't left me and he won't now. Its a hard but beautiful journey. So there is hope for each of us who are struggling within the mental disorder realm! We have hope in Jesus. We are warriors in this battle. We will fight together and not give up. Keep on warrior!

Keep Fighting the good fight :)

Cherishing My Time with Christen

As we are beginning Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I wanted to make sure to take time to honor my brave and beautiful warrior. Let me introduce one of the most kind and beautiful woman, Christen Michele. She is a dear friend of mine. She may not be here physically anymore but she will always be in my heart. 

Christen and I met at Mercy Ministries. Where we spent 6 months together fighting for freedom from our demons. We both came in because we struggled with eating disorders, depression, anxiety, self harm. I remember the first time we had our "first real conversation". We both had to sit on the couch after our meals. We were suppose to work on assignments and not talk. Well if you know me, I like to TALK....And Christen enjoyed chatting also. 

We spent 6 months together. We were both able to overcome and fight our demons. She brought much laughter into my life on the hard days at Mercy. We would walk in the backyard, encourage one another, cry together, laugh together, watch movies together. We did a lot together in the 6 months at Mercy. God showed up big time in each of our lives. 

Christen knew how to light up a room with her smile and laugh. Even on her hardest days of fighting she would have a smile on her face and asking how she could help another person out. I always wanted to have more compassion like she did! Her heart was absolutely beautiful and pure for others. We all wish we could have a little more kindness and love for everyone. Christen is this example. 

I can sit here and share all the memories, amazing things about my sister Christen. But I'm also here to share the reality of Eating Disorders. The reality is Eating Disorder's have the highest mortality rate in the mental health field. People are usually shocked because suicide, alcoholism , and drug abuse are the "addictions" you hear most of. With people losing their battle.  But I am here to tell you that more men and women die of Eating Disorders because of heart failure, heart attacks, depression causing suicide. Its hard to share the "real" side of eating disorders. But its the reality. 

Christen is one of my best friends from Mercy Ministries. She is not a bad person because she lost her battle to the eating disorder. She is actually one of my hero's. Crazy you might be thinking, but she never gave up!!! Her body just gave out. Christen is a perfect example of being brave, fighting the good fight, and never giving up. She inspires myself still, our community, and our sisters who are still battling their own battles today. 

As I honor my sister and friend Christen today. I want you to know she fought hard! She never gave up. She always kept God at the center of her life. The enemy just took over her entire life. So if you find yourself in this position where you are lost, tired, fighting for your life. Please reach out to myself, a friend, a mentor, a counselor, a pastor. There are people out there with resources and ready to walk hand and hand with you. Don't give into the lies anymore. Lets be more than the disorder!!! I'm fighting right beside you! 

Keep fighting the Good Fight

You are Brave!!!! 

Eating Disorder Awareness

I'm a little early with starting National Eating Disorder Awareness week. It only starts in two days. This is a subject I am very passionate about. Battling an eating disorder myself over the years has been a challenge full of ups and downs. Its not always pretty, but I do know there is ALWAYS hope for me and other fighters out there.

First off to my sweet friends who are on the struggle bus, you are not alone!! You have a fellow fighter right beside you. Please don't feel as if you are alone in this battle. That is what the enemy wants you to see is that you are alone, but you are not. We are in this together until the end. Reach out to me, a friend, a counselor, a mentor, or a pastor.

For new readers to the blog, here is a bit background story of my journey:

I remember the first time that I began having a fear of food. I have a great mom, she always packed my lunch for me for school (probably until I was a senior in high school). But sometimes she would forget to make me a lunch or I would leave it on the counter (It was probably the second reasoning :) ). So I almost always had a lunch for school. One of the days I forgot my lunch was in the 6th grade. I had a couple dollars on me that day. I remember getting a coke and powered donuts. So healthy, I know. But I remember looking at the label of the powered donuts. I saw the fat grams/sugars/calories. This was my first understanding of "fat". It freaked me out just a little. I remember my inner dialog of thinking, I am hungry but so I won't get fat I'll only eat three of these. Its taken me years to remember this situation, but I remember now like it was yesterday.

My innocent little soul at 12 years old was changed that day. I would never be the same. No one knew when I was that young because I was an extremely thin kid/teenager. It wasn't until I was 21 or 22 that it would become known to the public and others. One little forgetful moment of forgetting lunch threw a huge demon into my life that I would battle with.

There are many more facets to the beast of the eating disorder. For me throughout my journey I have dealt with deep depression, anxiety, exercise addiction, loss of friends, hurting family/friends. Its not a pretty journey for myself, my family, and others who have supported me on my journey.

Today, its still a daily battle! I'm learning its a choice. I absolutely love my new job. I fly all over the country and international, but as packing food, bringing healthy things, eating out, plane food, a lot of challenges are brought in this. So I'm learning each trip what I missed bringing or need to start bringing. Oh the joys of learning how to practice it in your daily life.

God has been the only stable thing in my life through it all. Even when I was not committing my life to him, he still kept me alive and going. So I'm thankful the Lord has stayed continuous in my life. Because I wouldn't be here today if I didn't have God fighting on my side. Wow...a new thankfulness in my heart is here tonight. So he has given me strength even when I wasn't seeking him or being faithful to him.

I have had my parents who didn't like talking about my struggles, or saying just eat. But my golly, they have put me through treatment centers, prayed for me, helped pay for therapy sessions, let me fall and get back up, loved me unconditionally even when I was hard to love. They have lived in fear because they know eating disorders aren't easy to handle or deal with. But they have been faithful in every step. I am so thankful. And have prayed non stop for years!

A couple of people have been stable in my life and they know who they are!!!!! People who have prayed for me, listened to me, let me cry, let me be angry, speak my mind, be myself. They are far and few in between but they have been there. We are spread around the country and out of the US, but they have loved me unconditionally.

We all need people in our lives to love us through it all. You probably feel alone, because in my disorder, I have felt so alone and isolated. But know you have me, other fighters, God on your side. We are fighting with you and for you when you are down and weak. Be a safe friend that a fighter needs. WE all need safe people who can fight with us and be there in time of need.

Hang in there Fighters. You are not alone!!!! We are in this together.

Depression is Real...But so is God

Depression is Real....Its a struggle I've had for many years. Its not fun to admit it or to be open about it. But we honestly need more people to share their heart on tough subjects. Its a battle that comes and goes in life. Partly I believe it can be very chemical in each persons brain. But I also believe we can change it by our thought process. It may not cure our depression or negative thoughts, but we can feel better when we start speaking life over our depression. Gods truth is what brings us peace and healing. 

I honestly HATE it!! Its not pretty or fun. I hate it for each person who I know deals with it also. My heart goes out to you and others who struggle with this beast. I'm sorry the enemy tortures you also. I can say I've struggled most of my life and adult life with it. As I say it comes and goes. It sometimes is circumstantial and sometimes chemical. It all depends on the situation going on in my environment. 

In the past six months, I can say as I have come in and out of depression, its been environmental. I have moved from Arkansas to Dallas, Texas to Miami, Florida. Now that is ALOT of change. Being out of my comfort zone that's for sure. My family is my life. My nephews are my world. I can't tell you how hard that has been to be away from them. Even going home a couple times a month, it still doesn't make it easier. I try to enjoy my time with my family and nephews when I'm able to fly home for a couple days! They will always hold a special place in my heart. 

As being a Flight Attendant is stinking amazing. Its fun to be out of the country one day and back the next. You meet fun people and interesting people along the way. But it can become very lonely at times also. Which can cause the depression to rear its ugly head. Being away for twenty days a month on average isn't easy. Its hard to build community where I am. The job is great overall though. Who can complain about getting paid to lay on the beach? Not me! 

One thing through this season I'm learning is I only have God to walk with me daily. Being reminded that as real as the depression can get at times; how much more real my God is. He hasn't left my side in any of this. Honestly he is the reason I am here today. His daily Grace to carry me through. 

Today, I was able to go sit on the beach here in Florida. I snapped the picture above. I was reminded about how God is holding my hand through this entire journey. As the waves crashed in on shore, I began to have a heart of gratitude. It took my mind off the depression trying to take over my mind and brought a peace that I needed. It is a peace that only God can bring into each of our lives. I was reminded of how our circumstances can change when our mindset shifts away from the problems. No this isn't a quick fix. I might feel down again tomorrow. But for now I will embrace the peace God has given me. 

God gave this verse this week for me to hold tight too. 

-2God grabbed me. God’s Spirit took me up and set me down in the middle of an open plain strewn with bones. He led me around and among them—a lot of bones! There were bones all over the plain—dry bones, bleached by the sun.3He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”I said, “Master God, only you know that.”4He said to me, “Prophesy over these bones: ‘Dry bones, listen to the Message of God!’”5-6God, the Master, told the dry bones, “Watch this: I’m bringing the breath of life to you and you’ll come to life. I’ll attach sinews to you, put meat on your bones, cover you with skin, and breathe life into you. You’ll come alive and you’ll realize that I am God!”

This passage has been encouraging to me. I have held tight to this truth. The lord is speaking truth and life into me. I daily have to cling to his truth, so I will not stay stuck but find peace in my life. I pray that this all will be a starting point for you too. 

Carry on! 

The Term "Recovery"

This year I have set new goals, new perspective change, and just a new way of living. It was time to make some changes in my life. Nothing was crazy or out of the ordinary for my life. Actually relatively stable for me :).

We all have our perspective on the term recovery. I've used it for years within my struggles of my eating disorder and exercise addiction. It has always been "striving" for better recovery. We all have room to grow in our personal lives. But as I have been reading through a book, I am once again reminded that the term "recovery" is keeping ourselves identified to that addiction or issue. We identify ourselves as victims of our past and struggles (Ditch the Baggage). I am guilty of this mentality each day. And it could be why I have continued to stay in the same stagnant places over the years. And not living in the full freedom that God has called me and you too.

But here is where I am reminded of hope and not victim mentality. And you also can be encouraged by this word:

2 Corinthians 5:17
If anyone receives Christ, You are
"a new creation; old things have passed
ways; behold all things have become new."

It clearly states that when we fully surrender our lives to the Lord, we are NEW!! How refreshing is this? We are NEW! Its a new beginning of your life. Its no longer "recovery" but new beginnings, daily surrender, hope, freedom, and HEALING.

This doesn't mean I don't think of my past or my recovery from my struggles. But I am reminded to not stay there and that I am healing from all things each day. I am a NEW CREATION. The past does not have to control us each day. We can make the daily choice to live a life of freedom.

Nancy also gave another verse from Paul that we can all glean and live with.

Philippians 3:13
Paul said he may not be all he should be yet,
but "one thing I do, forgetting those things
which are behind and reaching forward to those
things which are ahead."

Lets not live for "recovery" but for healing, freedom, forgiveness, hope. We are all given a choice each day. Lets choose the right one. Be free once and for all my dear friend!

I am daily learning from a book called "Ditch the baggage, Change Your Life." This is where I was reminded its not about striving for recovery but daily freedom and healing. If you want a copy of this book. Please email me: whitneyrwest@yahoo.com
I plan on ordering multiple books to give as gifts to other people who are wanting to go deeper. To be reminded how simple truths for your freedom. I am on this journey with you and willing to help!!

Keep on Warrior

Dinner for One

Dinner for One

As I sit here today. Recently, many thoughts have gone through my mind. I have been on the line (or for others working as a Flight Attendant) for two months now. Going on my third month. How rewarding this job is. But how hard and lonely it gets. Daily I am able to interact with many passengers and coworkers. I choose how I react to them. My goal is to be humble and loving towards each person, I come in contact with. 

As I sat over dinner recently in Las Vegas. I looked at my dinner and snapped a picture. This is my reality sometimes. You serve all day and work. Which I love. My job has given me more opportunity than I could imagine. But the downside of this job is you sleep in hotels from 2-5 nights a week. You are away from family. Its hard to build community where you live. And you feel lonely a lot of the time. 

Throughout this journey, I have had to rely on God so much more here recently. Which is a good thing. I've needed to be challenged in a way that will grow me. But doesn't mean it comes easy. Its a daily choice and a choice I sometimes have to make many times in the day. 

Getting out of my comfort zone is hard also. But being in South Florida, I am making the best of it. I love my times on the beach and running the beach. I love when I get to see my other Flight Attendant friends from training. Its refreshing. So I do find the good in the craziness.

I wanted to share that this job is rewarding and amazing. I wouldn't trade it for an 8-5 job ever. But its becomes very lonely at time. So when you see the luxurious job and travels. Remember it can be a lonely job also. But the good thing is that this job is teaching me to trust in God more than ever. I am having to lean on Him for my daily strength. 

When you see my fun posts on where I am, enjoy it. But don't be envious of this job. Enjoy where you are. That's what I do each day. Even when its more challenging than other days. 

Live for Today!