Standing Back Up

It doesn't matter how many times you fall,

what matters is how many times you stand up,

shake it off, and keep moving forward.

-unknown

This quote has been heavy on my heart lately. How many times do we fall? ALOT! Everyday for me, if I was being honest. We all make mistakes, mess up, and fall hard. Its part of our human nature. Each day is our choice in our we react to our failures.

For many years and still at times, I find myself stuck and staying in the midst of my fall. This causes depression, anxiety, pain, addiction, and hopelessness. This is not a fun place to be or stay in. But when we stay stuck in our failures this happens. Most of my life has been staying "stuck" in the same cycle. But there is hope for each of us. 

As we learn that we don't have to stay stuck in our failures, we find much freedom. Freedom that you can actually breathe and live again. We aren't identified by our failures but by how we continue to stand up and move forward. This gives us much hope for our circumstances. It has for me. We feel that we may be stuck, but we have a God that reaches down and grabs our hand to pick us back up. Here's the thing, we have to be willing to have his help to get us back up. We must keep moving forward no matter how deep we may be in our mess. 

Goodness, my controlling, self sabotaging nature keeps me down at times. But as I've come in and out of my own failures, I realize that I am the game changer in this situation. Gods right there, but I have to make the decision to allow him to be my strength. For me to get up, brush off the dirt, and move forward. 

We no longer have to stay down in our mess but we can rise above it and become much stronger than we were before. 

The Life of a FA

Since I recently gave up facebook until the first of the year. Most of you still wanted to hear and see what I'm up too. So I will update as time permits in what I'm doing and where I am.

Life as a Flight Attendant is fun. I have been to many fun places such as: Brazil, Barbados, Jamaica, Dominican, Costa Rica, LA, Dallas, Panama (the country), Nicaragua, and NYC. These are the few that are coming to my mind as a write. I have met many amazing people on my journey. Some stick with you and some don't.

Each layover is unique. Some you have plenty of time to explore the cities, lay by the beach, shop. But other layovers you have time to get in bed, maybe a small workout, and SLEEP. I've learned that sleep is a very important priority as a Flight Attendant. If I don't get sleep, you have a cranky FA. No one wants that.

One of the biggest things I've been learning on the job is that as a FA you can either make someones day or completely be rude and break someones day. My goal each time I board a plane is to be the change in that person's life that needs it the most. I say a simple prayer that I can make a difference and have joy regardless of how tired I am or whats going on in my personal life.

Here is an example of making a difference in one of my passengers life. This isn't me boasting at all but an example. On our way back from Nicaragua a few days ago. You had the cranky FA who was tired. This would be me. So I went to the back of Main Cabin, said a prayer for me to finish this sequence strong and be a light to my coworkers and the passengers. I took a few deep breaths and went back to help with boarding. It didn't solve all things but helped my perspective change. After we did the service my FA 1 called and asked if I would come sit with a UM (unattended minor). My response was I'll be right there! As I sat with this young girl, we played on her Ipad making princesses even more pretty, and playing other games. It was nice and relaxing. I was in my element. After a while I had to go prepare for landing. I told her thank you for letting me play and sit with you. Her response was, I'm glad you sat with me, I wasn't as scared. You are a really nice lady. All I did was sit with this little girl and gave her attention.

After I spent time with the girl, I said a silent prayer of thanks to God. I was more blessed than this little girl. God knows what our hearts need and he provides. I realized that day that as a Flight Attendant I have the ability to make or break someones day. I want to make that conscience effort to be a light to each passengers day. They need to be loved just as much as you and I do.

My Favorite Layover: Barbados

Barbados sunset

Nicaragua airport

Just another day in my world!

Far Away but the Heart is near

My sweet family:

As I lay here in the Dominican tonight, I can't help but remember the memories of the holidays back home. My family is amazing, fun, dysfunctional, weird, loving, and crazy at times. These things are what makes us UNIQUE and FAMILY. I think of all the holiday dinners we had at my grandmas, cousins, and aunts. It was full of stuffing ourselves to the rim. Wait, I'm sure my family did that today :). As kids my cousins and I would play outside, watch the Macey day parade, and be carefree kids. Also a lot of football would be played on the TV down in the den with men surrounding it. We love sports. Well most of us do, minus my mom. We still love her anyways. It was a time we were happy and together. 

The day after thanksgiving we would go back to my grandparents to eat left overs and put up the tree. I loved these memories of putting the tree together. My momma Hattie was always so proud of her tree. Her and my Papaw would drink coffee and stare into the lights. Momma Hattie would also sometimes play Christmas songs on the piano. It was a precious time with family. 

The past few years my mom and I would serve at the local church to serve families. I loved doing this. Because we are blessed with much, we can then bless others. My mom has the biggest servants heart. It always was great to see someone's face light up because they were blessed with a meal on thanksgiving. 

The few memories I share here with you today makes me very thankful for the family I have. I have learned that regardless of where we are in life family is still family. They never change. I maybe out of the country working, I know that they enjoyed today and support my decisions of my new career. 

I am here today living a dream because of my families constant support and encouragement. They may have thought I was CRAZY at times with wanting to be a flight attendant. But they always stood by my side. They have encouraged me, prayed for me, loved me, and been there thru it all. And if you know me or my story, they have put up with a lot :). I may not be home for Thanksgiving but I know they are behind me through it all. I am grateful for them. 

The memories are still strong and always will be there. But now new memories are coming. New days to celebrate when I am around. I cherish time with my family!!!! 

Regardless if you are or not with family, embrace the journey. Love your life right where you are. 

Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful!!! 

New Seasons, New Life

Today I have been sorting through my past few months. I have wanted to blog for sometime but I also wanted to get through Flight Attendant Training before I really went into detail of my life. I kept my close friends and family in the loop of my new life. So today others can fully hear what the past few months have been like.

I'm going to share a little back story first:
A friend of mines mom contacted me about applying for American Airlines because her youngest daughter loved it. I began to pursue it. I became very discouraged this past winter because I had not heard a thing from them. My mom told me to continue pursuing other airlines. But I was set on American or I wasn't going to do it. Me stubborn? NEVER ;). In April American called me to see if I was still interested. Of Course! I told the recruiter. I was beside myself. I didn't tell anyone about it until I knew something. They called for an interview in June. Then my life changed dramatically on June 24, 2014.

                                                         This was the day we were hired!!

On September 20, 2015 my journey to Dallas, Texas began. I was excited, anxious, nervous, happy, but still had a little fear that I wouldn't make it through the training. Its definitely not an easy training. As I explained to my mom, its harder than getting my college degree. We took 16 tests and really unsure about how many drill proficiencies we had. Long days, late nights in class or studying, and early mornings. On the first day of class they said "WELCOME TO THE AMERICAN FAMILY." I didn't know what to really think of this statement until I realized we are REALLY family. Your classmates become family and best friends. Your instructors become family, your biggest cheerleaders, and encourager's on the line. They are like having another mom or dad to look up too. American Airlines is a big family. We go through hell together during training, but its worth every bit of it. And if you've been through American Airlines FA training you get me!

During training I met two girls who would later become my best friends. They are the ones who got me through training with the encouragement, class notes, long walks, exploring Dallas, and just being there on the hard days. I prayed that I would make one good friend during my time. Well it was doubled into two amazing women. We come from different walks of life but that's what makes it work. I am thankful for their friendship. And it worked out that we are all three in Miami also. Thank you for helping me through training and learning things on the line now.

Always a good time. 

You know that sometimes you can have a really bad roommate situation? My roommate ended up being a christian, and a wonderful woman. She was starting her second career. Learning from her wisdom and life experiences was great for me to see. I'm always eager to hear life stories, hear wisdom in how I can become a better person. Stacey was a great example of this. She put up with living me in a small hotel room for a whole 6.5 weeks. She was a saint. Thankful for a God fearing woman who loved me right where I was. She always made sure I was okay.

                                                               Where are your glasses Stacey???

I had incredible instructors. Each of the instructors played a special role in my life. They truly choose the best of the best to teach the new Flight Attendants coming through. Instructors are responsible for "MAKING US GREAT". They put in more hours than we do in many ways. They teach us the skills to go out on the line and be great. I am grateful for each of them. Randy was our lead instructor. He was a hoot. He made me like Halloween for the first time in 29 years. He decorated the room and had an awesome rat as our class mascot. His nick name became Crusty Rusty. Goodness he kept the class together. He was incredible. My sweet, sweet Denise was like a momma to me. She held me as I cried, listened to my frustrations, laughed when I would walk up because of my randomness, always giving a willing hug, there for advice. She was the momma of the class. I want to be like her when I grow up! Rachel became a big sister to me. I knew by the first week that she was the real deal. I first saw a bracelet she wore everyday with the writing "My God is Big Enough." I had actually prayed for a Christian person in the class. And quickly it became evident that my instructor was. She listened to my struggles. She gave hugs when I was a mess and didn't know if I could make it another step. She loved to RUN! This was another instant connection. I was thankful to have Rachel's constant support even after training. Tyra, Oh Trya! Through her example she brought my standard from just average to excellent. Everything she did was "perfect", maybe not perfect but done with excellence. She kept the class together with keeping the standard high. Tyra is a consistent person in her job. She taught us to tie our scarfs, do our hair, reminded us to wear our lips. That was one thing I love about the job. I love my pink and red lips! She always gave a willing hug, especially after a test. She knew that test was a struggle for me.  I knew she would be proud when I would score my tests.

Thank you for making us GREAT! I am so thankful for this opportunity and the people who made it possible to be where I am today. God was walking me through each day and each moment. He gave me the strength to overcome and do my best. I am so thankful.

Rusty Crusty

Momma Denise

Such a big sister Rachel

My Perfect Tyra 

As the Life of a Flight Attendant I will write more about. I'll share the places I go. What God is doing through this journey. And much more.

Our Perspective of Ourselves

Over the last 6 weeks or so I've met many incredible people. But as the time comes to an end and some of us will split ways, but one person stands out to me. I don't believe in coincidences but believe that God brings certain people in our life to teach you something valuable. This has happened in my journey over the past 6 weeks.

I share often about my recovery journey and how its still a struggle at times. Its like any addiction, its there and it knows how to knock you down. There are definite times where it's easy and I'm content. And other times where I am holding on by one thread. During any of these times, I truly have to trust God to bring peace into these areas. Also having constant support from family and friends.

Back to the person who stands out from the past 6 weeks. We have become relatively close over the past month. She's also quiet a bit younger than myself but yet so CONFIDENT!! I had not mentioned any of my struggles to my friend but watched her. She enjoyed food, didn't have crazy anxiety at meals, she even ate DESSERTS...This is almost a NO NO in my life. Marissa is even a VEGETARIAN!!! But healthy. She lives an example of someone I truly want to become.

Watching Marissa has not only been inspiring but intriguing in how comfortable she is in her own skin. She doesn't find her identity in what size her jeans are, or the size of her shirts. Marissa's confidence radiates a mile away. She was eating a cookie today and I made a comment of "I took a bite but had to throw it away." She responds to me with "If it makes you happy, don't worry about the calories or being fat." I was like such truth in that. Why not enjoy a cookie or two or five.

And let me tell you my friend is BEAUTIFUL!!! She's perfect because she is comfortable in her own skin. Marissa is not big at all. She's actually tiny. But she doesn't hold back on what she eats. Her life isn't controlled by what comes next with the meal. She embraces it.

Couldn't we ALL learn from my friend with embracing ourselves and how God made each of us! I will forever be thankful for the influence she has had on my life. Its beautiful knowing that you can live comfortable in your own skin. I know that I am different because of her friendship and example that she lives.

Marissa sent this to me today. It made me smile when I saw this. Let go of the labels and be whoever you want to be!!!! Once we learn to accept ourselves, others will accept us also.

You Are Good Enough

A friend posted this picture recently, and it stopped me in my steps. I know that I'm not alone in this feeling of "not good enough" or that "I don't measure up" or "I have to be perfect." Oh yes this is the world we live in.

I've lived most of my life feeling this way. Its partly my insecurity in who I am. I have continued to try and measure up to what I thought perfection looked like but reality it was the worlds standards. I can remember back to feeling this way as young as elementary school. I know that having a learning disability and a teacher that pointed out to the class that I couldn't read played a role in how I viewed myself. I can remember the feelings of shame and guilt because I wasn't able to learn as other kids in my class did.

Recently the Lord has been showing me a lot about myself and who I am. Its been a challenging season but one of the best seasons. I have realized that the lies and things I have believed since I was a kid, is not who I am. Graduating college and the training I'm in right now proves that anythings possible.

We don't have to live in the world of not measuring up or not being good enough. We are more than good enough. I truly believe that insecurities are planted in us as small children and grow into bigger issues as we become adults. Once you realize that God made you good enough in his eyes all other things can go.

Learning we are no longer defined as our past or our insecurities shows us that we are worth the fight and good enough! We are world changers. We aren't bench warmers full of insecurities and not good enough. So lets stand up today and remember that we can do ALL things we put our mind too.

Remember "You are Good Enough" in Gods eyes. He doesn't expect us to live a perfect life but a life that we can be confident in.

Finding Compassion for Yourself

We live in a cruel world. A world full of pain, anger, hurt, misfortune, addiction, lies, abuse, and much more. With how our world is, we can start to fall into the same trap. We end up in the midst of pain, heart ache, self sabotaging, and lies. We become our worst critic. We beat ourselves up because the "world" says we are "fill in the blank." 

This is a trap that I have found myself in for the majority of my life. I didn't realize how much negative I spoke over myself until recent. I was confronted by my own demons. I saw the heart ache of my words and how it was causing more damage than anything. It has kept me stuck in the same patterns that I continued to cycle through since I was around ten years old. Its hard to grasp that the world has spoken such crap into our lives to keep us where we are. 

As I sat with my counselor one last time, something she had said a few times before really struck a cord in my heart. It was as the light bulb turned on. She had been encouraging me on my new adventure and how I would be successful in this. Here is where the change began: "be kind to yourself and have compassion for yourself". 

BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND HAVE COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF

This has been a perspective change and a challenge for me. But I was ready. You are ready too. We beat ourselves up because of our past, abuse, addiction, hurts, or that we don't meet the "worlds" standards. Reality....We aren't the things of our past or our abuse or our addictions. We are children of God. 

Psalm 103:1-4

Praise the Lord, my soul;

all my inmost being, praise

his holy name. 

Praise the Lord, my soul,

and forget not all his 

benefits--

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life

from the pit

and crowns you with love 

and compassion. 

This verse speaks so clearly to myself. If God, who didn't have to send his Son to the Cross for our lives can have compassion and want to heal us. Can't we have the same compassion and kindness for ourselves. Goodness, its a lot easier said than done. Like most things in our lives are. This week I have brought more awareness to this struggle in my life. Even when I fail or have a struggling moment, I try to take a step away from the situation and find the compassion for myself as God would give me. 

This process is a refining process. Its not a pretty process to be kind to myself. Or to even like myself. But if I can change one behavior or attitude that would normally be negative into finding the self love and acceptance for myself. I had a win for that day. 

You can win this battle too. We are in this together. We will beat this together. We are Warriors! Carry on! 

Living the Single Life

Being 29 and still single...OUCH...Weird looks...Comments from family members...WEIRD...Somethings not right with you...You're different...Seriously...

I'm from the South and its expected that you marry and start a family by 25. Well if you know me at all, I'm 29 and single. And NO this isn't for some man to read my blog and sweep me off my feet. Or a friend to set me up with a guy. That's not what it is about. Its about finding contentment in where you are: single, married, engaged, divorced, widowed, or in a relationship.

I haven't ever really talked much about being single or how I felt about it until recently. I have started to talk to some of my girlfriends about it. Its always been something that I've struggled with but have never wanted to admit or talk about. So here I am raw and real on this topic.

Some people may know or this may be new to some but I was engaged two years ago. We aren't going to focus on this or talk in detail about this part. It was the first time I had truly felt "IN LOVE!!" I wanted the ring, the wedding, the man to call "hubby", to have babies, and to be what any 27 year old woman would want at the time. It came crashing down on me with much hurt and heart ache. With this said, yes it SUCKED! Yes, it HURT! Yes, I was BROKEN! But I came out on the other side a stronger woman. I had a supportive family and a couple friends who would walk with me and help me through the next months of my life.

I grew to trust God in this season even when I was angry about what was happening. I felt abandoned and unworthy of a relationship. It took time, support, and trust to get to a place of contentment. It wasn't overnight or a month or a year. Its been a gradual healing over the past two years.

I haven't dated much since then. I have wanted to be loved by a man, swept off my feet, cared for, listened to, and held by a man during the past two years. But reality hit me. And it hit HARD. It was a ton of bricks that rocked my world. I realized it was all the things I needed to feel fulfilled but something was still missing. These things I was not finding in the Lord. It was man I was seeking it from. Now that's messed up :). I had such a skewed view of wanting my will to be met.

Realizing that I will never be fulfilled by a man on this earth was hard to swallow. You'd think by 29 I would have grasped this, but I hadn't. I tend to learn the hard way. So this past spring I started to be more intentional about my relationship with the Lord. Seeking him to be my Lord, my fulfiller. It has been a hard lesson to swallow. I haven't been a great learner or accepted it well.  But I am leaning in and willing to be fulfilled by the Lord before anything else or any man.

As much as I would love to be married, have a couple kids, living this dream I have planned out. I would much rather be single than married to the wrong man. Or even dating the wrong person. Its a journey that I'm on. Its not pretty but I'm still here willing to find contentment in the Lord over any man.

So where ever you find yourself as you read this blog tonight, today, this morning. Evaluate your own journey. See where you are finding your fulfillment. Ask the Lord to meet you right where you are. Because he listens and will meet you! He cares so much for you and your heart. Married. Single. Widowed. Engaged. In a relationship. Divorced.

A Life Worth Living

"Our task is not to fix the blame for the past, but to fix the course for the future."
--J.F.K 

"When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I'm living in the past."
--Unknown

The last couple weeks I have been thinking about my life. The good, the bad, the ugly. You name it, I probably have thought about it. This doesn't have to be a negative connotation of looking at my life as a whole. The past, the future, the now is a constant on my mind. It definitely could get ugly if I was to stay stuck in my past or my future for too long. Because as the quote says the future brings anxiety and the past keeps you depressed. This is such a true statement.

Most of us could say we have a messy past. Whether it was our own poor decision making skills or it was inflicted on you by someone else. We all have HURT. We all have PAIN. We all have a PAST. But something cool was proposed to me in counseling, that I think each of us can meditate and think on. Take it for what its worth :)

As I said we focus on our past A LOT!! I am guilty of this. DAILY!! I had been sharing my anxieties about the future and what's happening. I shared all my "negative" associations to why I am anxious about the next season I am entering. But what was brought to my attention was incredible: "The woman sitting in front of me said Whitney, you hold the universe with God." "You choose what your future and how life will look." I thought wow....A New Beginning....A New Season...A New Start....A New Me.

It was a defining moment for me. For the first time in years or my entire life I felt that I had "control" over my life and thoughts. I know God is our guide and the one who ultimately controls our lives. But we also have choices to make in our life to have a better life or to remain stuck in life. I haven't fully allowed God to take control of my life but what has controlled me is this world. The DARK world of issues. It has ultimately controlled me. For too LONG!!

Realizing that I have control of what my life will be shaped and formed into was life changing. It was a pivotal moment for me. Whitney was in control. And slowly allowing the Lord to help steer the boat too.  The ED, the exercise, the OCD thoughts, the enemy, the depression, the anxieties are not the things that have to control me or my future. These things have controlled me for too long.

Hearing for the first time that I am the one (with God) who determines how I act and react to the future. I don't have to be controlled by the past or others. So from today on, I take control and make today the best that I am able to make.

Learning to do life differently is a challenge but worth the challenge put before me. Go out, be confident, and know you can have "A Life Worth Living.

Beauty For Ashes

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace— a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies— and to comfort all who mourn, To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness” planted by God to display his glory. They’ll rebuild the old ruins, raise a new city out of the wreckage. They’ll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new. You’ll hire outsiders to herd your flocks and foreigners to work your fields, But you’ll have the title “Priests of God,” honored as ministers of our God. You’ll feast on the bounty of nations, you’ll bask in their glory. Because you got a double dose of trouble and more than your share of contempt, Your inheritance in the land will be doubled and your joy go on forever.

You can meet the most ordinary people who are doing extraordinary things at the most random places. A week ago I decided to head back out to the front lines of the abortion clinic. This is a hard territory for many to go to and a hard ministry to take on. You have to experience it to fully grasp the oppression of this place. I spoke to a few people and continued on with what I felt God had called me to do for that day. 

A precious lady came up, stayed to herself and on the other side of the entrance of the abortion clinic. I knew she was there for a purpose and that was to pray for these women walking in. I didn't say much, I continued praying and speaking life into the women walking in. Its a not a social hour or a time to call out to these women that they are "murderers" and "Going to Hell". Its a time to love and bring light to the lies they buy into at the abortion clinics. 

After a while this sweet lady came and we chatted for a moment. Such a huge compassionate heart. We need more people who are going out to be compassionate and loving to these women, not condemning. As we chatted it was such a God ordained moment. I think we both walked away feeling encouraged and empowered to continue to bring life and love to these women. I asked if I could have her number before we parted ways. She agreed. 

As we have chatted over the past week and even met for coffee. We realized A LOT of our story was similar. And its not the struggles we've had in life but how much the Lord has done in each of us. He has brought us out of the pit of hell and darkness to a place of healing and love. We may have met on the front lines of the abortion clinic a week ago and it was God who brought us together. 

See my friend is an ordinary lady who has been through much in her life. But she's out there doing extraordinary things. She lives the life that is obedient unto the Lord. It has inspired me to do more, find more healing for myself, seek God more intently, and most of all HAVE HOPE IN ALL THINGS. Her life story is what makes her beautiful. The Lord truly shines through her story, her hope, her loss, her pain. We all can learn in this situation that no matter the circumstances we have been through or the pain that the Lord is alive in our spirits today. He is here to heal the broken hearted and bring strength to us when we are weak. 

Go back to the verse I first shared that you may be going through hell and pain but we have a God of redemption and love. He is rebuilding your life to be a vessel for others. Just as he did through my friend I met at the abortion clinic. He has used her not just at the front lines of the abortion clinic but in my life also. Her story is beautiful because she has allowed the Lord to come into those deep wounds and heal her broken heart. Let this testimony but a light. Not matter the circumstances you are are going through there is HOPE. 

If you find yourself in this place, email me, facebook me, instagram me. I am here to be a light just as my friend was that day!! 

Standing on the Front Lines

I have been hesitant to write, talk, or even give my opinion on the abortion topic. But as Planned Parenthood has continued to have light shined down on them, with the selling of tissues, organs, and bones of the child. My heart has been ripped out and torn a part. I couldn't finish some of the videos or finish reading when the doctors made comments as: "There's an eyeball," "Here's a femur," "We are very skilled to obtain body parts during the procedure."

Its heart wrenching to read and hear these stories. Besides people posting and talking about it. My question to you is, what are YOU doing to bring change to this topic? Are you sitting back and just being angry about it? And it stops there? Are you just posting about it because its the "right" thing to do? Are you wanting to debate the topic?

Yes, you have every right to do the above. You have every right to be outraged with Planned Parenthood. I would be lying if I said I wasn't upset about it. It breaks my heart. It kills me. But what is your plan to get Planned Parenthood defunded? And to see babies saved from abortion?

There are many ways for each of you to take a stand. Yes, write on social media, share your heart, and be an activist for this movement. Ways you can make a change in the industry: You can volunteer at pregnancy crisis centers, you can adopt a child who could have been aborted, you can pray, you can go out to the front lines of the abortion clinics and pray, talk to the girls walking in, share other options with them. Ultimately show the LOVE of Jesus. That's what they need.

I'm not one who shares about standing on the front lines at the local abortion clinic but I do. About two years ago I was convicted to go share the love of Jesus with these girls. They didn't need people yelling at them that they are "murderers", or "killers", or "you're going to hell." They need to hear that they are loved and that there are other options for them. Approach is a huge game changer from the Pro-Life community. Because inside the clinics they are lying to these girls its just a "clump of cells," " this will take away all your problems," "It won't hurt," "you won't regret this". These are just a few lies that are told in the clinics to keep the women in for the procedure.

Yes, abortion is wrong! Yes, it hurts the woman long term. Yes, it causes psychological issues. Yes, it causes PTSD. But what are we doing for these women who have already made the decision of having an abortion?  Are we loving them and meeting them where they are? Don't they deserve to hear the truth that we have a God that loves them more than they could ever imagine and that there is hope for their pain?  We forget about this side of abortion.

Yes, we need to stand for life and be a voice for the voiceless. But we also need to meet the women who have been lied to and already chosen to abort. They need to see grace, hope, love, acceptance, forgiveness. We need to be the voice for these hurting women too. We don't need to shame them more than they already feel shamed or alienated. Offer a listening ear, a prayer, an hour of your time to listen to their pain, to hold their hand, to walk through healing that they need and only Jesus can fill. Being a friend to a woman who have chosen to abort can be a life changing thing for this woman. To know she's not alone or alienated is huge.

My last word for you is to consider both ends of the abortion. Stand for life but also stand with the women who live in regret. They need Jesus just as much as you and I do! They have beautiful souls too and you may be the only one to love them in their pain. Be the game changer in their life!!

 I said one last thing. But Saturday before work I drove to our local abortion clinic to stand in the gap for these women. The good news is I did get to talk to one young girl who came in with a friend. For privacy reasons I'll keep her name as "P". She listened intently with what I had to say and I encouraged her to walk away. I showed love that she needed to hear because no one else was showing it to her. I listened to her as she shared her reasoning. I understand in times of crisis her reasoning. But for her to choose life would be the choice I pray and hope she chooses. She was a beautiful young woman who had some rough things going on. But if God used me to plant one seed, I fulfilled what he had called me to do that day. Please continue to pray for "P" and her unborn child.

I pray you are blessed by this even though it is a hard topic to swallow! And to talk about. But the approach of love and gentleness is the way to go.

The Beauty of Life

Beauty comes in all shapes and forms. This friend of mine is one of the most beautiful human beings I know. Courtney shines with a beauty that radiates from the inside out. Look at the smile on her face, this was a smile that truly came each day I saw her at work. She would bring light into a room that needed to have a little extra lighting. Even with how beautiful she is on the outside where the true beauty comes from is  her relationship with the Lord. It was a contagious beauty that others wanted. There was something different about Courtney. Her love not only for the Lord but for others was something I saw day in and day out. She inspired me to love others right where they were. Because she loved me right where I was. She had a heart and love for the orphans unlike anyone else I knew. She would travel to Haiti to work with kids who were hurting or suffering of diseases. She didn't care what  "plague" they had on them. She showed them love and grace, just as Jesus would. She is a true example of being the hands and feet of Jesus.

Courtney and I became friends just a few short months before our lives would be turned upside down. But the privilege I had to be part of her life day in and day out was beautiful. A little background of our friendship: We met working at a restaurant called Tacos 4 Life. I was in between graduating college and finding a job. We instantly clicked, which is weird to think because if you know me and know Courtney. We are two totally different people. I'm a little rough around the edges and shes a woman of love for everyone. As we worked together we built a friendship that would later change my life. I would share my struggles with food and body image issues. She would look at me and say in the sweetest voice "Whitney, look at yourself, be confident in the beauty God has given you." Now this comment makes me tear up. I didn't see it but she saw it. She saw through the eyes of Christ. Courtney would listen to my hurt and pain and always remind me who "Whitney was in Christ. That Jesus hadn't abandoned me because of my struggles. We had some precious moments in the dish room at Tacos. I would be the one probably cussing and angry because it was 12:30 AM and we were still at work. Y'all she didn't complain and still had to drive back to Romance Arkansas, a 45 minute drive from work. I learned so much from a girl who is 7 years younger than I am. She brought me back to the Lord when I saw no hope to continue on. She didn't look at my struggles or short comings, she saw the good in me and showed me the things that were positive about myself. We need more people in our world like Courtney.

On August 3rd, 2014 our lives were turned upside down. We actually had been to church that morning. It was refreshing to be back in church. She had encouraged me to come with her for a while. So I went this beautiful Sunday. I actually remember church that morning was about  surrendering our lives back to the Lord. HUMMM....did God have a plan or what that day? We talked in the foyer for a bit after church, gave each other a hug, and said I will see you tomorrow at work. Tears steam down my face as I recall this day like it was yesterday but it was a year ago. Something so terrible but yet so inspiring happened that day. Courtney and Mrs. Gina were in a wreck not two hours after saying goodbye. Mrs. Gina had passed but Courtney was fighting for her life. The next few weeks at UAMS is a blur. I was at the hospital the next days and weeks. I would go pray and talk to Courtney as she laid there. I told her how her impact had changed my life and many others. That she would walk again and have life again. We spoke truth over Courtney on the darkest days of her life.

Today, one year later Courtney is still recovering. The beauty of her recovery is that she hasn't given up. Today she is relearning how to do thing such as sitting up, walking, and learning to speak clearly. One thing this girl will tell me when I start talking too much is NOO!! Oh goodness how I love her!! I am thankful for her life, her recovery, her continuous love for the Lord. She maybe considered different to society but she isn't. She is still the Courtney I knew a year ago. She is stronger, braver, encouraging than I will ever be in my life.


No matter where you find yourself right now in life, its not over. We don't have to give up. Days I want to give up and throw in the towel I think of my sweet friend Courtney. I remember the fight she has put up to find the recovery she is finding today. We all can learn to fight our own battles with strength and grace that the Lord has given Courtney, he has given US.

Our lives can all be turned upside down in a second and not promised another day. So lets live our lives as its our last. Making the most of every opportunity. I am thankful for the life Courtney is living and the example she gives me day in and day out to live by.

Court and I go on walks....I drive her crazy and tells me to SLOW down!!!!

Usually I jump in bed to play on the Ipad or watch a movie. Shes like a little sister :)

Embracing the Journey of Relationships

Ever felt lonely and that its never going to change? We sadly live in a world where a lot of us feel this way. Whether its truth or a lie, its how we feel! I have had MANY seasons where I was lonely or  I didn't "fit". Its been a life long journey of ups and downs.

I believe a lot of our insecurities come from how social media makes our life's look more "glamorous" than it is in reality. We get stuck in what others are doing and how "fun" their life looks. But really is their life good? It possibly could be, but very well could be a struggle for them also. When I get caught in the social media bug, I make myself sign off and occupy in a different way. If you catch yourself in the same place be STRONG and walk away!!!! Not worth being lonely over.

Some of the time it was my own fault of isolation. When I didn't feel like I was fitting into the puzzle I would retreat back to myself. For a moment it felt like I was superior of it,  reality I was only hurting myself. So its definitely a choice at times. But sometimes its not a choice.

We all have seasons where relationships just don't work. And that's not always our choice. I've been "let go" or "abandoned." I've seen close friends have the same thing happen in their personal lives. IT HURTS. Its not easy. And the pain of this causes trust issues and issues with becoming close with people around you. You have a guard up that's higher than the Wall of China. Been there!

Reality: through my seasons of loneliness and loss I have learned a lot. I have realized the importance of my closeness to the Lord. How he is the only who can satisfy my needs, cravings, and desires. Not one person can fill those needs. Heck yah its been a struggle seeking the Lord. I haven't always been one to seek the Lord. So it is a struggle. But when I do, I know all my loneliness will be met.

Also I have realized that having a couple key people in your life is all you need. And when I look at my circle, I just think WOW!!! I am blessed. But Satan knows how to mess with my mind and take my focus off of how blessed I am and bring me to the thoughts of "loneliness." This is a lie friend!! If you can say I have 1 close friend out of your family, you are doing well!!!

If you are feeling lonely, abandoned, hurt, angry, or done with relationships, it is OKAY. Its a season. I pray that the Lord will bring that one person to walk life with you. You are worth more than being lonely.

To say the least I have very few close relationships but I am blown away with how amazing the Lord has been faithful to give me what I need. Here are a couple friends that we have stuck by one another through loss, break ups, addiction, struggles, flat out HARD TIMES. These friends are hard to come by but they are out there! I know I am loved right where I am. Judgement free zone. Find those friends, be that friend.

 "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, 

and when we find someones weirdness is 

compatible with ours, we join up with them

and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." 

Yup, I learned about a selfie stick last night...I took at least 50..maybe 100..Megan wanted to take it AWAY!!!

One who has not left my side and has come to my rescue MORE than once. More than I can count. 

These are just examples of REAL friends. REAL sisters. REAL love. Its out there. Sometimes we have to go through lonely, crappy times to have these friends. But don't grow weary. It will happen for you. Be a REAL friend to have a REAL friend. 

Never Give UP! 

Running and Balance: Do they go together?

First off, I want to blog a whole lot more than I do! Its been over two months since my last post. This is a place to share my heart and real life challenges. But as challenges come it becomes harder to be transparent and open with the world especially. So here I am once again at it.

Lately, I have been battling how to have balance in my life (all areas).  I laugh because my last post had to do with running as this one does too! Don't be surprised when I talk about my exercise life :). Its just part of my DNA! I love it would be an understatement. Some days I wish I didn't love it like I do.

Balance: mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

I laugh at this specific definition of balance. Am I any of these? At times I can be, but not often. As I mentioned earlier, running is my life. My ENTIRE life. It was something that I started doing by age 8 or 9. It was one thing my dad and I did together when I was young. He would take me out and coach me and run with me. It was such a memory I will cherish for forever. It was "our" time. No one was with us. Just dad and I. Even as a kid and young teenager I had a gift of running. Yea, some of you are telling me to shut up right now! It also something I was good at since life came with learning challenges at school. 

As long as I can remember I've been running. Yes, I've had seasons of where I wasn't as passionate about it or just didn't run due to circumstances. But over the past 5 or 6 years I have become obsessive with it. And I've had periods of where I didn't obsess over it. About a month or two ago I felt I needed to find some balance in this area. I'm a person who has to literally take one thing at a time and then move on to the next. So I took a sabbatical from running. Did I enjoy it? Not really. Was it hard? UMM YES. Did I mentally struggle? YES!!! But I took off. I had to daily surrender it to the Lord. Even when I didn't feel like it. And still have too. Because quickly I can go right back to the same patterns. 

For the past month or so I have gone to the gym, walked a lot, and did intervals with two friends. Having Mira and Heather run/walk with me helped a lot. It has been nice to have that accountability and support during a workout. They probably don't realize the impact they have had on this journey but its been beautiful. And you know what even though I haven't always enjoyed this season of exercise I have come to enjoy not being so obsessed in my head with: whats my next workout? And I've enjoyed taking the intensity off. 

Taking the pressure off of myself to perform in my exercises has helped me find balance and peace. I may still wear a watch when I run but I don't compete with my pace or others around me. I am just me. I feel much better that the pressure is OFF.  There is no shame or competition with who I am becoming in this area. Each day is a new day to surrender and it looks differently each day. Its a journey as I tell many people. Daily journey that I'm learning to embrace. Its not easy on some days!

Keep on Keeping on. Be brave.

 

Liberating and Free

Here's to a delirious blog post! I have been wanting to write all day. So finally two jobs later, I AM HERE! So bear with me through this.

Yesterday, I needed to be a recluse for a few hours. And the times I need to get away, it is in the best interest for myself and others around me! I can sometimes not be nice. So I drove myself out to run the trails. Its my place to run, think, pray, cry, talk out loud, and not have to deal with reality. I had no agenda but to enjoy myself and escape life for a bit. There is absolutely NOTHING more freeing than to be alone splashing through the mud, getting muddy, hearing only nature around me, and having a few explosions (few will understand that last one)!!!!! It was a quiet day for a Sunday afternoon out there. I loved every minute of it. 

Running is my outlet from the world. Yes, it can work against me because of my struggles with being obsessed with burning calories and having to be fit. But this day it was surprisingly not about that. Probably one of the most freeing feelings for me, is knowing this time it wasn't for burning calories. It truly was for me to get away from life and the things bothering me to just BE. We aren't quiet or still long enough to just BE! So guilty of this! 

As I ran the trails I allowed myself to forget my struggles, my fears, my hurts, my pain to be thankful! I felt like a little kid again. Since the day before it had rained the trails were MUDDY!!!! But I became the innocent little girl that I had missed out on for many years. The carefree girl came out of me. I began to not jump around the mud but to embrace jumping in it, splashing through it, and enjoying myself. Much of my life has been filled with a lot of pain and hurt. Few of you know my story and may be one day I'll be open to share more to encourage you to fight through your own daily pain. But it was a liberating 7.5 miles for me. 

Not a great picture but you can see some of the mud I enjoyed jumping in. It was a beautiful time for me to find a new freedom in life. To walk away from painful memories and embrace the inner child I had missed out on. This doesn't mean things are easy or great but to make new memories and start moving forward from past abuse. Its like in an area of my life, I am living again. Its crazy how it all came out on the trails. I ran extremely slow for me. My running friends would tell me to shut up! But I'm here to say I was running trail at a 10:40 average mile pace!!!!!! Call me a turtle. But the pressure was off myself to perform within the running sphere. I was free to enjoy. I felt like myself for a short time. A piece of myself was put back together. 

I hope you enjoyed being on the journey with me for a moment. Life is a journey! Its a daily choice in how you choose to react and be. So choose wisely my friend. Go out and live your adventurous life. It is worth being your unique self that no other feet can fill! 

Today you are you, 

that is truer than true. 

There is no one alive 

who is youer than you.

Dr. Seuss

The Journey Continues Four Years Later

I looked up many different definitions of Mercy. One I found hit home to what it means to me.

Mercy- Compassionate Treatment. 

This is a great way to explain Mercy Ministries. (www.mercyministries.com) 

I love this necklace! You know when something has such deep meaning to your life? I understand its just a materialistic thing. But what a reminder it has written on my heart. My mom actually gave it to me not long after returning home from Mercy in 2011. I still put it on with my outfits! Its a reminder of the place I found God to be real in my life. And my journey of healing began. 

I walked into Mercy Ministries a broken, lost, little girl at heart. I was filled with living a worldly lifestyle, that I thought I would never be able to come out of. I had not only hurt myself but had been hurting my family and friends for years. People who loved me and fought for me, I was daily hurting. They were at a loss...No wait, I also was at a loss. I was knocking on death's door step! How scary is that? I look back at that and it's scary to think how I was so close to death with my lifestyle. And the thing is, I was choosing that lifestyle and death over myself. WE have a choice! There is power in understanding we have a CHOICE!!! Its a daily choice! 

Enough about the negative....Yes, I was in a BAD place. But you know what??? The beauty is I FOUND JESUS! I had been in church at times in my life, but so hardened that I wasn't open to God 100 %. Having a hard heart allow the devil to have that stronghold, which then keeps you from God. Yup, that was the story of my life. The way I explain it at times is, the devil had my heart hardened and closed my ears off to hear truth. 

I remember allowing God to come into my heart a few weeks after being there. It was so beautiful. I was able to unleash some of my struggles slowly. I had a very patient counselor who listened and walked through some of my wounds with me. She taught me so much during my time at Mercy. I also had a director over the house in California, who is still in my life today. We had such a special bond while I was there. She always shared a verse with us. And recently it became real in my life. 
John 10:10
The thief comes only 
in order to kill and steal and
destroy. I came that you
may have and enjoy life,
and have it in abundance
(to the full, till it overflows).

I lived many years in defeat even after Mercy I had my struggles. And defeat would come over my life. But I remember texting Momma Cheryl just a week or two ago. And I finally said I have let go of defeat and come to the second half of the verse! And she said ITS A CHOICE!! Not that boldly, but I am speaking boldly to you! But I was like WOW, 4 years later, I'M UNDERSTANDING!!! We don't have to live in defeat, addiction, depression, anxiety, death, anger, sadness, lust, comparison, jealousy, and overall worldly lifestyle. YOU CAN ENJOY LIFE AND HAVE IT IN ABUNDANCE!!!! 

Many people have had such a HUGE influence on my life at Mercy. I found God. Which is most important. I began my journey of healing. Which is amazing. I had a Mercy sister bond like none other. I have friends who will always understand me. It was the start of the journey and life I am on today! 

Over the past few years, its been a journey! A roller coaster journey!!! I have continued to heal, continued to find Jesus, strayed away, gone back into addiction at times, and much more! But one thing is, each time I have fallen, God himself has picked me up or sent someone who was more mature in the faith to pick me up. He has sent people in my life to help continue fight the the journey of life and help me continue to heal! its definitely not been easy, but I do know that I have a fighting spirit in me that has kept me going. I am very grateful to the woman I am becoming because of the couple people who have stood by me, encouraged me, never given up on me, and have fought for me when I couldn't fight!! God has done some amazing things. And will continue. I will continue healing and fighting this battle. Because I know life is worth living and fighting for. 

Mercy was a stepping stone to set me up for life and continued healing. I am forever grateful! 

Sun + Tanning = CANCER!

Oh here I am again! Its that time of year. You probably don't want to be harped on or convicted. I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I will try to keep it raw and real as always, but encouraging too! About once a year I will get on my band wagon of tanning, the sun, and protecting your skin. The only reason I became so passionate is because I am a Melanoma Survivor! I'm thankful to say I'm a Survivor! And I know only God has healed my body of cancer. Three weeks ago I actually had my 6 month and yearly checkups for it all. About a week later I found out I was still clear from any type of Melanoma Cancer! How great is that!!! Yes I share the good and healing but I'm also here to educate and share my journey of tanning beds, laying out in the sun, and not wearing sun screen.

Here are a few pictures from when I had the Melanoma removed. And this came from a small mole, it was brown and irregular but not huge.

 
I remember as a child going to tanning salons and sitting on my game boy as my mom tanned. Or fighting with my brother :)! Also in the summers we spent many hours at the pool. As a kid my mom did make me wear sun screen! But things changed when I was a teenager, I would go to the country club with my friends where I was introduced to "being bronze and tan equals beauty." This is one of the biggest lies I had ever believed! So I remember around 12 years old, I started using tanning oils and baby oil to tan my skin. Yes, it looked good at that moment but I had no clue what was happening to my skin. This continued each summer until I was 22. But when I was 15 after begging my mom she finally gave into me going to the tanning bed. I loved the tanning bed and that's where I lived year round. SCARY!!!!

Being tan became part of my identity. I felt more confident, more accepted, and more beautiful when I had a tan. And I'm sure a lot of women can identify themselves with this lie. I then had the opportunity to live 1 mile from the beach for a season. My tanning addiction was horrible at this point! Sickening really! Because in reality who really cares how tan you are?

I flew into Arkansas from living in Florida for a little vacation. The first thing my dad said was "what's on your neck?" You'd think I'd be upset that was the first thing out of his mouth, but it saved my life from a shortened life at 22 years old. I was in the doctors office the next day, two days later in the dermatologist, and two days later I got the dreaded phone call. I had a dear friend since preschool who was over at my house! Poor girl at 22 years old sitting on my bed as I speak with my doctor and all I hear is CANCER!!!!!! I then say talk to my dad, I don't understand anything you're saying minus I HAVE CANCER!!!!! And I knew my dad could be strong emotionally for myself and my family. It actually was comforting at that moment to have Casey at my house when I received the news. Something to break the ice from the emotions raging. So if you're reading Casey Hale, I appreciate you during that time!!

I believe it was 2 weeks later I had surgery. Everything was so fast! I hated surgery because I wasn't put to sleep besides "chill out drugs." I probably needed much more than just that ha!!! I even think my mom stayed in there for part of it. Really I don't know. Its been six years ago this July. So memories are fading, which is great for me! Sometimes major things in our lives bring in trauma (which is a whole different topic) and I know this brought in anxiety and depression.

I'll stop all the process of some of things I went through now because there is more. But I will challenge you to think twice this spring and summer before you step into the tanning beds or going to lay by the pool or beach. First off step out of the tanning bed PERIOD!  It now has been proven that tanning beds are 10x worse than the suns exposure. Crazy huh? Its been researched. So please don't look at the Ads and the BEST deals to tempt you into getting into the tanning bed. It kills and causes severe cancer. Also when you do go out into the sun, put on sun screen!!! I'll be honest I still go to the lake house and swim in the pool in the summers! But you better believe I will have 30 SPF on. So I still get tanned and enjoy the sun but nothing like I use too. And really who cares that you are pale or white? Isn't that how we were created in the beginning? You don't see other races laying out in the sun do you? Exactly! We should be protecting ourselves from the sun daily.

Think Twice this Summer about sun exposure! Its not worth the risk of cancer! Because cancer SUCKS!! But it did make me a stronger person and I appreciate the life God has given me now.

It just isn't worth your life or dealing with cancer.

Just keep on keeping on :)

Learning to Fight

DEFEAT...DEFEAT...DEFEAT...DEFEAT....defeat...defeat..defeat.....

Sound familiar? I know it does for me. Majority of my life actually! Its one of those familiar words that I hear over and over because the enemy plants the lies in my mind. Recently things have began to change, its a slow process but I'm moving forward.

Jeremiah 1:19
They will fight against
you but will not overcome
you, for I am with you and 
will rescue you," declares
the Lord. 

There are many reasons I have felt defeat for the majority of my life. I will share a few and you may be able to relate to some of the things. I finally graduated college but have yet to find a career. I have dealt with the same struggle with anorexia, bulimia, EDNOS for so many years. I have messed up too many relationships because of my struggles. 

I may have shared a few reason I feel as I have the feelings of defeat. But reality of it, I may struggle with these things but its not who I am. Learning that I can control my thoughts and how I react has been freeing for me. YES, OF COURSE I still act out in defeat or other emotions. Learning to line my thoughts with positive thoughts and with the word of God has brought peace to my life. 

As things have been shifting my whole perspective on life has changed. I have gotten out more, rekindled friendships, starting to like myself for me, I can skip a day of running, I'm having more peace. This is from getting back in the word, speaking truth over myself, having accountability, working my butt off, and getting back into community. Things shift when you put positivity into it!

My challenge for you is to start speaking positive, life giving words over yourself and others. Start small and continue to add more positive things such as the word of God, scripture, accountability, and maybe even the book "Battlefield of the Mind." Its a challenging book but will change your perspective on your entire life!! 

Keep on Keeping on!! 
Fighting the battle with you!