The Struggle of a Runner

The struggle is REAL! If you have met me for more than 5 minutes, you will know I'm an avid runner. Its my life, its my passion, its my stress relief, its what keeps me going. Well the past two years has been a roller coaster of injuries, pains, slower times, and discouragement. But I've not lost my drives or passion for running. Nor have I taken the time off to fully recovery from each injury. And I'm okay with that! It may have just taken a little longer to fully heal.

Well, where I say the struggle is real. Its my latest thing. Thank God its not an injury but it still dampens   my running. Friday I was out for a run, in my favorite running weather. It was a drizzling a little and was in the 40s. I was a happy runner. I felt great, strong, and running a good pace for me. I was content, just thinking and enjoying my run. I hit Tyler and Hogan and my right calf cramped up. Now you have a tough girl sitting on the side walk holding back tears. Even though I was cramped up, I was more mad that I couldn't continue running. I stretched with no luck. So I hobbled home. Did some stretching and felt okay. But I was still upset I couldn't finish my run. That's just the mind of a runner. I did end up getting over it and going to work.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was house sitting and lived only about 1.5 miles from the fitness center. So my great mind was run up there, go to weight training, and then do some running afterwards. My plan is not always the right plan. Goodness, that hurts. We all want to think we have the right plan or idea. Well my great mind wasn't right on this day. I didn't even make it to the fitness center before it cramped back up. Now talk about an angry person coming out. I was like really? Why is this happening to me? I was so angry. I may still be a little upset about it. So I went on to weight training and just modified some of the exercises. Takes my pride away to do that. Because I want to be the best at everything. Not always a good trait that I have. And really STRIP my pride having to ask someone to take me home because I know I can't make it home running.

Oh the journey! It has been hard for me to accept and take care of the soreness. I have learned that my plan doesn't always go as planned. And that my plan in reality doesn't matter. I can try and do it my own way and hope for the best. But I have to take a step back and take care of my body. I started potassium, rolling on a foam roller, and low impact cardio. Its not what I want but hopefully all will work itself out!

If you are an injured runner and missing it. Embrace your journey and know it will be over eventually. And we all will be back on the roads soon enough right!!! I know a few days of rest, I'll be back at it! Its just frustrating and a struggle for being a strong runner! Trying to put my runners smile on. keep on keeping on friends! The journey and struggle is real but doesn't have to define us.

I'll let it as my mantra: Keep On Keeping On! Never Give up! 

Living Day to Day

Daily, we have a choice to make and this choice can make or break our day. I feel as each day I've been having to work harder on making the "better" choice. Its much easier to throw in the towel and make the worse choice. Its easy to give in and allow other things to take over your life. I've been having to stay on top of this daily and think through each choice. I've been on edge more than normal and having to work hard. I've had my days recently that I just want to sleep it off instead of deal with it head on.

I may have a solution for the moment and for me that is having a plan of action. I can't think about yesterday or tomorrow, I have to make the best decision for that moment. If I were to dwell on my decision made yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, things would continue to consume me. Having a plan to fight through that moment right then and there is what I need, in order to be successful. Being successful in the moment is my goal because my goodness I'm so guilty of impulsive decisions. This is the reason I'm trying to slow down and make the right decision in the moment.

Take each day as it comes. Some days will bring more challenges than others but the way you respond will determine how successful you will be or how impulsive you will be.

Keep on Keeping on.

The Health Journey continues....

So about a month ago I talked a little about losing my health and trying to find it. Well, its still a journey but its becoming a beautiful journey. Lots of ups and downs, and twists and turns. Its been ugly on days and pretty on others. If you or know someone else who has been through something significant that has shaken your life, you know all too well what a journey looks like. It would be great if I could say I woke up one morning and life was just great! But you know the journey is what makes you, you. It can shape you into a better, stronger, more beautiful person. And that's what the journey is all about. Its messy with some pieces of beauty in it.

Here's a piece of my health journey that I find beautiful and find hope in.

I have found myself for once in my life. I always felt so stuck in my head and couldn't get out. I had a friend tell me for a while to get into yoga, my excuse was I'm not flexible or calm enough to do it. I ended up just attending one yoga class and was hooked. I am still not extremely flexible but I go with it. I find myself daily trying something new with yoga.  Its like stop, drop, and do yoga. My only outlet for years was running. This was the only time I could find some clarity. And YES, I'm still a very avid runner, when I'm not injured. I just ran 10 miles of trail yesterday. The passion for running will probably never leave this runners life. 

I am grateful that I am finding myself and my health. I feel as my entire life of battling the disorders that I have, I was made to find health. I was sent he to treatment or told to see a therapist. Nothing worked. I didn't want it fully for myself until other things arose in my life. My health was crumbling away right before my eyes. It kinda scared me. One professional got real, she said I give you just a few years of living if you don't get it together. It was a kick in the butt. Something clicked for me to realize I have to take action or see death sooner than I'd like. 

Since its been the first time I've been finding it for myself its more beautiful but doesn't mean its easier. I don't have to have a treatment team of people on me or working with me daily. That's not what I needed. I needed to find things that worked for me. A lot of the work has been done alone, some consulted with a physician, some work with a counselor, and accountability. I had to make choices alone of getting off my medication and learn how to function without it. But reality with a few supplements and getting off I am such a happier person who actually likes life. Many other decisions have had to be made but the medication was the biggest and the best choice. So do what's best for you! 

This journey is a daily choice that I choose. Some days I have no desire to try because its a fight, its a battle. But all I do is try my best each day. And that's all you can ask for in yourself. Recovery isn't perfect nor pretty at times, but its worth it. Its worth the person I'm becoming. If my journey gives one person a glimpse of hope it is so worth it. 

Just keep on keeping on 

Health....

I'm feeling a little blog post again. May be I'm becoming inspired again? Who knows. I write a lot to myself just to get the junk out. But not for others. So may be I'm on to something again.

I love being an inspiration to others because of the things I walk through on a daily basis. I don't wish anything upon anyone. Because life can just be HARD. It can suck, if we were to be real here. I'm all about being real. And I mentioned in my other post, the past few months have been hard! Rough and sucked to be honest. The same ole things creep into my life and sucks me in. People die. Accidents happen. Friend in a coma. Graduating college, and starting a new path back in school. Stress. Life. Anxiety. Depression.

And losing your health in the midst of it.

YES, I skipped a few lines in between. But crap happens. It brings you down. You lose your passion for life and others. You have a hard time finding compassion towards others. Its just like you're losing yourself in the midst of the chaos. And a piece of me has been lost. And that's okay. We all lose ourselves at times. But its picking yourself back up and finding yourself.

 That last sentence I put so lightly and seems like I have found it. But let me say this, my puzzle pieces are still scattered everywhere. And that's OKAY. I'm not that easy on myself. But find some grace for yourself. Even if its just a little bit. And if you find that grace for yourself, share with me and maybe I can learn from you :)

When I say I've lost my health. Its not just physically. Its mind, body, and soul. You have to look at it with all perspectives. I suck everyday at something. One area gets better and then another area weakens. Its part of life. But all you can do is try. And I'm not talking about half ass doing it (sorry my word choice). I'm talking about trying at 110%. NO, I'm not always at 110% but I'm there trying. And that's all you can do. If you know at the end of the day, no matter how crappy it was or how great it was, that you gave it your best, than that's a success. And other days on the scale you may be a 0, as in I sucked all day. Well, I've been there and still have those days, WEEKLY.  Don't beat yourself up. Just go to bed as I do and wake up for another day to fight the good fight. And all we can do is keep on, keepin on.


Life is not a sprint, its a marathon.
The journey may suck, but just keep on, keepin on.

The Worlds View on Beauty.....

I'm back..Well for the moment. May be only this post. Its not that I haven't wanted to blog, its I have been in my own funk and dealing with my own issues. Which I probably won't be spilling my guts out to my viewers :) I know some nosey people would love it!! As I become more healthy within my mind, body, and soul, I will share more in order to help others.

But my reason for blogging is because I realized last night I have influence. And this is not speaking from a haughty way at all! I can assure you of that. But I wrote a post on Facebook that brought a lot of attention to others. I am going to post it here in case you do not have facebook:

"It makes me sad how the world already puts so much pressure on women and girls about our looks, weight, size beauty, and much more.
But tonight as I was closing. I was chatting with a younger guy. And how beautiful his girlfriend was. He shows me a picture. She's a beautiful blonde. And I said it doesn't surprise me you're with a blonde. He said well I dated a brunette, BUT she got fat. And broke up with her. I had no words. No words. Probably a priceless look on my face.

This is just an example of how our looks, weight, beauty is valued by a lot of men and our world. We ALL should be heart broken about this. It makes me so sad but yet so sick that this is our world.

My thoughts are: encourage girls and women not to be consumed with this world and the views they have about body. Also men please step up and love them. Don't put an emphasis on it because it's already there!!"

Rant over.

I did not expect anyone to start commenting on it nor liking it. Simply it was after midnight and no one to talk too. But I was pretty fired up. My point is not being fired up about it and being mad. Because yes, you can call this guy ignorant and immature. But I also don't know his story, his up bringing, his struggles. Which is not an out for him but a little grace for him. 

But the comment made me sick to my stomach. I know many women and girls who struggle with deep rooted issues within weight, body image, and insecurities. These type of comments drive eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and self harm. And I've seen it personally. I've faced it daily. And the world doesn't realize what they are conveying to us daily. It gives boys and men this false view of how we should be and look. They even go to the extreme to make it worse and for these expectations to continue in our relationships. This is not okay!


So what's the solution??

Lets be real. I DON'T KNOW. But one thing I know is that we can change one life at a time. We can support others in their battle. Real men should help other men and boys who have this preconceived view of how they treat women and how we should look. Because women how many of us have a curvy body, boobs, big butt, thick legs, more skin on our arms than we'd like to see, more hippy than we want to admit, love handles, double chins? Lord, the list could go on. We are not a barbie!!! Even though secretly we all wish we were. 

Women, girls, sisters, friends, family lets not allow this world to consume us. YES, I'm sad, sickened, angry at how men and this world want us to be "perfect" but that's not who we have to be. I'm in this battle with you. We can win this. I don't have the answers but I know there is hope. HOPE is what I hold onto daily. So as a friend told me today "keep on keepin on" and I read that today and was like that's ALL we can do each day. We may fail daily and fall into the worlds view of how we should look, weigh, and beauty. I do daily but it doesn't have to define who I am. 

So I leave you with this women:
Keep on keepin on

The Way we See Ourselves

As I read my devotion this morning from Proverbs 31 ministries. God really spoke to me through it. It began with the scripture:

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope ..." Romans 5:3-4 (ESV)

Our lives have challenges daily and sometime for a life time. We allow labels to consume who we are. I'm guilty of saying I'm this, I'm that, I'll never overcome this, I'll always be depressed, I'll always be anxious, I'll always deal with ______. You fill in the blank with your own label. 

We become our labels because that is what we speak over ourselves. We don't have to be the labels slapped on us whether by professionals, friends, or ourselves. We are a child of the most high king. Tell satan to get thee behind you. This is a daily battle for me. And I have to speak truth into these lies and labels. It becomes natural for us to hold tight to these labels because it's what is spoken over us. Be strong! Be brave! 

So as you read this verse again:

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope ..." Romans 5:3-4 (ESV)

It's not always easy to rejoice in our sufferings and I don't expect you to always be joyful but to work through it as best as you can. Going through crap does produce endurance, character, and hope! So there is hope for YOU no matter what. 

Take the labels and fill them with HOPE!!!! 

Your story matters

Its been a few weeks since my last blog. I could come up with many excuses to why I haven't written much lately. But I'll spare y'all from it. In other news I want to talk about YOUR story!

This semester has been the best semester I've had in a long time. I finally got out of my comfort zone, joined an all ladies life group, and went deeper in my relationships. It was taken to a whole nother level! Its been very challenging but I've formed life long friendships through the life group. Its such a joy to go to coffee and swap stories, struggles, and victories with one another. Or like this past Monday I went to lunch with three friends and all we did was LAUGH!!! My friend was crying we laughed so hard. As I share about getting out of my comfort zone and going deeper with friendships, last night we had life group. It was probably one of the best life groups we had.

We knew a couple weeks ago we would all be sharing out testimony if we felt lead too. I am hesitant to share at times. Especially if I don't know the people well or feel I can't trust the people around me. We started off just going in a circle. It was intense at times but so beautiful to see the redemption that Jesus has brought in so many lives. He had set alot of people free from things. It encouraged me deeply. I think God uses our stories to inspire and encourage others and to ultimately give God the glory.

It was my turn to go, and I had been praying about what part or parts to share to the ladies in our group. I felt as I could share some things with the ladies. I began to share and came to a point where I felt that it was more important to share how faithful God was and how he walked through each circumstance with me even when I wasn't seeking him. It was beautiful to share parts of my hurts but ultimately bring full glory to God and for what he's done in my life!

I am not proud of my past by any means but one thing I do know is that it is now made beautiful through God. He loves and cares for every piece of our story. I am grateful for his cross and redemption.

This weeks challenge: go share your story or give God the glory for how far he's brought you!! It will bless you and others around you!