The Struggle of a Runner

The struggle is REAL! If you have met me for more than 5 minutes, you will know I'm an avid runner. Its my life, its my passion, its my stress relief, its what keeps me going. Well the past two years has been a roller coaster of injuries, pains, slower times, and discouragement. But I've not lost my drives or passion for running. Nor have I taken the time off to fully recovery from each injury. And I'm okay with that! It may have just taken a little longer to fully heal.

Well, where I say the struggle is real. Its my latest thing. Thank God its not an injury but it still dampens   my running. Friday I was out for a run, in my favorite running weather. It was a drizzling a little and was in the 40s. I was a happy runner. I felt great, strong, and running a good pace for me. I was content, just thinking and enjoying my run. I hit Tyler and Hogan and my right calf cramped up. Now you have a tough girl sitting on the side walk holding back tears. Even though I was cramped up, I was more mad that I couldn't continue running. I stretched with no luck. So I hobbled home. Did some stretching and felt okay. But I was still upset I couldn't finish my run. That's just the mind of a runner. I did end up getting over it and going to work.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was house sitting and lived only about 1.5 miles from the fitness center. So my great mind was run up there, go to weight training, and then do some running afterwards. My plan is not always the right plan. Goodness, that hurts. We all want to think we have the right plan or idea. Well my great mind wasn't right on this day. I didn't even make it to the fitness center before it cramped back up. Now talk about an angry person coming out. I was like really? Why is this happening to me? I was so angry. I may still be a little upset about it. So I went on to weight training and just modified some of the exercises. Takes my pride away to do that. Because I want to be the best at everything. Not always a good trait that I have. And really STRIP my pride having to ask someone to take me home because I know I can't make it home running.

Oh the journey! It has been hard for me to accept and take care of the soreness. I have learned that my plan doesn't always go as planned. And that my plan in reality doesn't matter. I can try and do it my own way and hope for the best. But I have to take a step back and take care of my body. I started potassium, rolling on a foam roller, and low impact cardio. Its not what I want but hopefully all will work itself out!

If you are an injured runner and missing it. Embrace your journey and know it will be over eventually. And we all will be back on the roads soon enough right!!! I know a few days of rest, I'll be back at it! Its just frustrating and a struggle for being a strong runner! Trying to put my runners smile on. keep on keeping on friends! The journey and struggle is real but doesn't have to define us.

I'll let it as my mantra: Keep On Keeping On! Never Give up! 

Living Day to Day

Daily, we have a choice to make and this choice can make or break our day. I feel as each day I've been having to work harder on making the "better" choice. Its much easier to throw in the towel and make the worse choice. Its easy to give in and allow other things to take over your life. I've been having to stay on top of this daily and think through each choice. I've been on edge more than normal and having to work hard. I've had my days recently that I just want to sleep it off instead of deal with it head on.

I may have a solution for the moment and for me that is having a plan of action. I can't think about yesterday or tomorrow, I have to make the best decision for that moment. If I were to dwell on my decision made yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, things would continue to consume me. Having a plan to fight through that moment right then and there is what I need, in order to be successful. Being successful in the moment is my goal because my goodness I'm so guilty of impulsive decisions. This is the reason I'm trying to slow down and make the right decision in the moment.

Take each day as it comes. Some days will bring more challenges than others but the way you respond will determine how successful you will be or how impulsive you will be.

Keep on Keeping on.

The Health Journey continues....

So about a month ago I talked a little about losing my health and trying to find it. Well, its still a journey but its becoming a beautiful journey. Lots of ups and downs, and twists and turns. Its been ugly on days and pretty on others. If you or know someone else who has been through something significant that has shaken your life, you know all too well what a journey looks like. It would be great if I could say I woke up one morning and life was just great! But you know the journey is what makes you, you. It can shape you into a better, stronger, more beautiful person. And that's what the journey is all about. Its messy with some pieces of beauty in it.

Here's a piece of my health journey that I find beautiful and find hope in.

I have found myself for once in my life. I always felt so stuck in my head and couldn't get out. I had a friend tell me for a while to get into yoga, my excuse was I'm not flexible or calm enough to do it. I ended up just attending one yoga class and was hooked. I am still not extremely flexible but I go with it. I find myself daily trying something new with yoga.  Its like stop, drop, and do yoga. My only outlet for years was running. This was the only time I could find some clarity. And YES, I'm still a very avid runner, when I'm not injured. I just ran 10 miles of trail yesterday. The passion for running will probably never leave this runners life. 

I am grateful that I am finding myself and my health. I feel as my entire life of battling the disorders that I have, I was made to find health. I was sent he to treatment or told to see a therapist. Nothing worked. I didn't want it fully for myself until other things arose in my life. My health was crumbling away right before my eyes. It kinda scared me. One professional got real, she said I give you just a few years of living if you don't get it together. It was a kick in the butt. Something clicked for me to realize I have to take action or see death sooner than I'd like. 

Since its been the first time I've been finding it for myself its more beautiful but doesn't mean its easier. I don't have to have a treatment team of people on me or working with me daily. That's not what I needed. I needed to find things that worked for me. A lot of the work has been done alone, some consulted with a physician, some work with a counselor, and accountability. I had to make choices alone of getting off my medication and learn how to function without it. But reality with a few supplements and getting off I am such a happier person who actually likes life. Many other decisions have had to be made but the medication was the biggest and the best choice. So do what's best for you! 

This journey is a daily choice that I choose. Some days I have no desire to try because its a fight, its a battle. But all I do is try my best each day. And that's all you can ask for in yourself. Recovery isn't perfect nor pretty at times, but its worth it. Its worth the person I'm becoming. If my journey gives one person a glimpse of hope it is so worth it. 

Just keep on keeping on 

Health....

I'm feeling a little blog post again. May be I'm becoming inspired again? Who knows. I write a lot to myself just to get the junk out. But not for others. So may be I'm on to something again.

I love being an inspiration to others because of the things I walk through on a daily basis. I don't wish anything upon anyone. Because life can just be HARD. It can suck, if we were to be real here. I'm all about being real. And I mentioned in my other post, the past few months have been hard! Rough and sucked to be honest. The same ole things creep into my life and sucks me in. People die. Accidents happen. Friend in a coma. Graduating college, and starting a new path back in school. Stress. Life. Anxiety. Depression.

And losing your health in the midst of it.

YES, I skipped a few lines in between. But crap happens. It brings you down. You lose your passion for life and others. You have a hard time finding compassion towards others. Its just like you're losing yourself in the midst of the chaos. And a piece of me has been lost. And that's okay. We all lose ourselves at times. But its picking yourself back up and finding yourself.

 That last sentence I put so lightly and seems like I have found it. But let me say this, my puzzle pieces are still scattered everywhere. And that's OKAY. I'm not that easy on myself. But find some grace for yourself. Even if its just a little bit. And if you find that grace for yourself, share with me and maybe I can learn from you :)

When I say I've lost my health. Its not just physically. Its mind, body, and soul. You have to look at it with all perspectives. I suck everyday at something. One area gets better and then another area weakens. Its part of life. But all you can do is try. And I'm not talking about half ass doing it (sorry my word choice). I'm talking about trying at 110%. NO, I'm not always at 110% but I'm there trying. And that's all you can do. If you know at the end of the day, no matter how crappy it was or how great it was, that you gave it your best, than that's a success. And other days on the scale you may be a 0, as in I sucked all day. Well, I've been there and still have those days, WEEKLY.  Don't beat yourself up. Just go to bed as I do and wake up for another day to fight the good fight. And all we can do is keep on, keepin on.


Life is not a sprint, its a marathon.
The journey may suck, but just keep on, keepin on.

The Worlds View on Beauty.....

I'm back..Well for the moment. May be only this post. Its not that I haven't wanted to blog, its I have been in my own funk and dealing with my own issues. Which I probably won't be spilling my guts out to my viewers :) I know some nosey people would love it!! As I become more healthy within my mind, body, and soul, I will share more in order to help others.

But my reason for blogging is because I realized last night I have influence. And this is not speaking from a haughty way at all! I can assure you of that. But I wrote a post on Facebook that brought a lot of attention to others. I am going to post it here in case you do not have facebook:

"It makes me sad how the world already puts so much pressure on women and girls about our looks, weight, size beauty, and much more.
But tonight as I was closing. I was chatting with a younger guy. And how beautiful his girlfriend was. He shows me a picture. She's a beautiful blonde. And I said it doesn't surprise me you're with a blonde. He said well I dated a brunette, BUT she got fat. And broke up with her. I had no words. No words. Probably a priceless look on my face.

This is just an example of how our looks, weight, beauty is valued by a lot of men and our world. We ALL should be heart broken about this. It makes me so sad but yet so sick that this is our world.

My thoughts are: encourage girls and women not to be consumed with this world and the views they have about body. Also men please step up and love them. Don't put an emphasis on it because it's already there!!"

Rant over.

I did not expect anyone to start commenting on it nor liking it. Simply it was after midnight and no one to talk too. But I was pretty fired up. My point is not being fired up about it and being mad. Because yes, you can call this guy ignorant and immature. But I also don't know his story, his up bringing, his struggles. Which is not an out for him but a little grace for him. 

But the comment made me sick to my stomach. I know many women and girls who struggle with deep rooted issues within weight, body image, and insecurities. These type of comments drive eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and self harm. And I've seen it personally. I've faced it daily. And the world doesn't realize what they are conveying to us daily. It gives boys and men this false view of how we should be and look. They even go to the extreme to make it worse and for these expectations to continue in our relationships. This is not okay!


So what's the solution??

Lets be real. I DON'T KNOW. But one thing I know is that we can change one life at a time. We can support others in their battle. Real men should help other men and boys who have this preconceived view of how they treat women and how we should look. Because women how many of us have a curvy body, boobs, big butt, thick legs, more skin on our arms than we'd like to see, more hippy than we want to admit, love handles, double chins? Lord, the list could go on. We are not a barbie!!! Even though secretly we all wish we were. 

Women, girls, sisters, friends, family lets not allow this world to consume us. YES, I'm sad, sickened, angry at how men and this world want us to be "perfect" but that's not who we have to be. I'm in this battle with you. We can win this. I don't have the answers but I know there is hope. HOPE is what I hold onto daily. So as a friend told me today "keep on keepin on" and I read that today and was like that's ALL we can do each day. We may fail daily and fall into the worlds view of how we should look, weigh, and beauty. I do daily but it doesn't have to define who I am. 

So I leave you with this women:
Keep on keepin on

The Way we See Ourselves

As I read my devotion this morning from Proverbs 31 ministries. God really spoke to me through it. It began with the scripture:

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope ..." Romans 5:3-4 (ESV)

Our lives have challenges daily and sometime for a life time. We allow labels to consume who we are. I'm guilty of saying I'm this, I'm that, I'll never overcome this, I'll always be depressed, I'll always be anxious, I'll always deal with ______. You fill in the blank with your own label. 

We become our labels because that is what we speak over ourselves. We don't have to be the labels slapped on us whether by professionals, friends, or ourselves. We are a child of the most high king. Tell satan to get thee behind you. This is a daily battle for me. And I have to speak truth into these lies and labels. It becomes natural for us to hold tight to these labels because it's what is spoken over us. Be strong! Be brave! 

So as you read this verse again:

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope ..." Romans 5:3-4 (ESV)

It's not always easy to rejoice in our sufferings and I don't expect you to always be joyful but to work through it as best as you can. Going through crap does produce endurance, character, and hope! So there is hope for YOU no matter what. 

Take the labels and fill them with HOPE!!!! 

Your story matters

Its been a few weeks since my last blog. I could come up with many excuses to why I haven't written much lately. But I'll spare y'all from it. In other news I want to talk about YOUR story!

This semester has been the best semester I've had in a long time. I finally got out of my comfort zone, joined an all ladies life group, and went deeper in my relationships. It was taken to a whole nother level! Its been very challenging but I've formed life long friendships through the life group. Its such a joy to go to coffee and swap stories, struggles, and victories with one another. Or like this past Monday I went to lunch with three friends and all we did was LAUGH!!! My friend was crying we laughed so hard. As I share about getting out of my comfort zone and going deeper with friendships, last night we had life group. It was probably one of the best life groups we had.

We knew a couple weeks ago we would all be sharing out testimony if we felt lead too. I am hesitant to share at times. Especially if I don't know the people well or feel I can't trust the people around me. We started off just going in a circle. It was intense at times but so beautiful to see the redemption that Jesus has brought in so many lives. He had set alot of people free from things. It encouraged me deeply. I think God uses our stories to inspire and encourage others and to ultimately give God the glory.

It was my turn to go, and I had been praying about what part or parts to share to the ladies in our group. I felt as I could share some things with the ladies. I began to share and came to a point where I felt that it was more important to share how faithful God was and how he walked through each circumstance with me even when I wasn't seeking him. It was beautiful to share parts of my hurts but ultimately bring full glory to God and for what he's done in my life!

I am not proud of my past by any means but one thing I do know is that it is now made beautiful through God. He loves and cares for every piece of our story. I am grateful for his cross and redemption.

This weeks challenge: go share your story or give God the glory for how far he's brought you!! It will bless you and others around you!

The Journey of Life

This past Sunday I celebrated a HUGE accomplishment of my life. It had been three years since I graduated from Mercy Ministries. Mercy is a place for young women to go deal with any type of addiction, unplanned pregnancy, sex trafficking, anxiety, depression, abuse, life controlling issues, neglect, self harm, and much more. If you want more information on Mercy please email me personally at whitneyrwest@yahoo.com or get on their website www.mercyministries.org

I truly found God at Mercy. I was a very broken person and hated myself. I was not a pleasant person to be around. I was a burden to others and since I was hurting, I hurt others. What a life to live? it was miserable life. I didn't realize how miserable I was until I truly found God in my life. I began to find joy, and I mean the REAL joy that only God can bring into your life. I had so many things to overcome when I walked through the doors of Mercy. I dealt with addiction, abuse, anxiety, depression, self harm. It was a dark life that I had lived for way too many years. But it was a turning point in my life. It set a foundation for who I would be today. No, I'm not perfect, I'm actually far from it. I now have tools and even better God to go through life.

As I've shared of how I overcame alot there and it was because I truly found God for myself and put him first in my life. Things have been very challenging being in the real world. As things have been a lot better over the past three years, it still has come with many challenges. I have had struggles, depression, anxiety, other things come up that were deep wounds, and rebuilding friendships. Its all been a challenge. I have gone back to counseling at times, I have had people pray over me, encourage me, and just listen. But the thing thats different is, is that even at my lowest points of being home from Mercy, I have had God to turn too and seek.

God is a God who works miracles in our lives and he still does each day. To stay in a healthy place I have to seek him daily and when I am not fully seeking him is when I fall back into old unhealthy habits. Its a journey friends. So when you have bad days know that you're not alone, we are in this battle together. I wouldn't change my life and the things that happened to me and the choices I made. Yes, somethings are not pretty but its who I am today. I am able to help people that other people can't reach and bring encouragement to others. It is all God.

Embrace your journey! It may not be pretty but its a journey God will bring you through, if you're willing to allow him to ride the journey with you. Be who you are. Its not easy and you will have set backs. One of my favorite quotes that's not spiritual at all. And excuse one word in it.

"Pull up your boot straps and wade through the shit" yes not spiritual but true. Sometimes we just have go put one foot in front of the other to make it to the next step. You are worth fighting for. So keep fighting! 

Obsessed

Yes, that's me. I'm not one to post "selfies" on social media. But this has a purpose and what I'm going to talk about on the blog today. We are obsessed with being connected to everyone's lives through texting, social media, blogs, recipes, FaceTime, skype, YouTube, snapchat, candy crush, and much more.

Well this is me on Friday night. I'm pretty embarrassed to have received a text from the friend I was with at the time. She snapped this picture and texted me the simple word "HEY??" I looked up and said this really did just happen. And I think I was on facebook at that moment. Nothing important and forsure not more important than my friendship. But I was more engaged in social media than my relationship in person. Makes me sad to be honest. Makes me think.

We are ALL guilty of this. Some are worse than others when it comes to their phone than others. But this really made me think about how obsessed we are with being connected to everyone, every second of the day. I'm beyond guilty of this. But it stopped me in my steps and encouraged me be more cautious about when I use my phone.

This is my observation of how my generation has become:

* We are not having "real" friendships and relationships. We are using our phones to text and get on social media. that's how we communicate in our relationships. We need to pick up the phone and actually call a friend or even FaceTime instead of just texting. Take that challenge and call just one person this week.

* We don't have "enough" time in the day. How many times do you hear people say this? I DO! But count up how many times a day you are on your phone, texting, social media? GUILTY.
My challenge here is limit your time to "X" amount of minutes or hour on your phone.

* When you are spending time with your friends and family, how many times do you check your phone? Friday I was with a girl I mentor and I answered the phone. HOW RUDE???
My challenge here is tuck your phone in your purse and only get out if you know you are expecting a call or text that's important.

* We sleep with our phones. I'm preaching to the choir tonight! So when you say "I'm so tired" think about how many times your phone buzzed and took you out of REM sleep. I am not as guilty of this and that's because I plug my phone in and put it on the floor.

* We are obsessed with others lives. We want to know what everyone is doing or whose dating who. So we stay on Instagram and Facebook and look at everyones life. I have been stuck in the cycle and I became depressed because I was comparing my life.
My challenge here is use that time to go on a run, call a friend, write a letter, go walking, cook a meal. Get off of it!

* What do you do when you get bored? Go straight to the phone....
My challenge is go do something productive. Find a new hobby, go outside, do something you love.

My list could go on, but I like to keep it short and to the point. It really made me realize how much we are consumed by everyone elses life. And we are not being fully engaged in our present relationships. So when you are with friends and family members, try and engage with them. Make them feel more important than the phone and others. I am challenged by this blog and will continue to work on this. Be fully engaged where you are and invest your time with those relationships. You never know when it may your last time with that person. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, texting, can all WAIT. Your friendship who are you sharing a cup of coffee with is more important than the above.

"Make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."

New Perspective

Do you ever experience life as insane, chaotic, crazy?
Or your behaviors are acting as those?

Well I want to share about spending 11 days with my Princess. She truly is my hero. Anne Marie has a heart of gold. She wants to talk, cuddle, be close to where you are, and I love that. I miss waking up to her every morning now. But I learned a very important lesson on some of my actions this past week. I'm not a mother yet, but I know God will bless me with being a wife and parent one day. This past week I felt as a mom at times because Anne's momma was gone.

I was changing the laundry one day last week. And from another room Anne Marie was asking something. And I respond and say "hang on" "I'll do that in a minute." Something came to my mind after that comment. How many times have I told Anne that this week? I was then convicted on how does hearing that all the time make her feel? She was being put off. I know I would eventually get discouraged if I heard that all the time. Does Anne feel neglected? Does she feel sad or abandoned?  Does it hurt her feelings? It gave me a new perspective on how I am with her and others around me. I want to treat others where they feel valued, loved, accepted, wanted. I don't want them to question my motives or them to feel like they are unwanted.

But here's the twist and how God continued to work in my life. Yes I need to cherish and care for my friendships and others I take care of. These relationships are very important to me but God's relationship should always be first. I was thinking how many times do I tell God HANG ON, wait a minute, not now, I'll do it later? Its daily sometimes. It breaks his heart when we are not obedient to God.

I am challenged to watch my words towards others and God. I want to no longer tell God to hang on or wait a minute. I want to be obedient and follow his will right then. Yes I'll struggle with this and not be perfect but I'm willing to change this. Think about how much more peace you would have inside of yourself if you were to stop putting God off. His plans are so much better and bigger than my own!

Be challenged in how you react each day!!!

Perspective

My blog today is introducing my hero: Anne Marie Cox. The most beautiful girl on this planet! She has changed my life in so many ways, for the positive! I am spending my spring break with this princess.

Song of Songs 1:15
"How beautiful you are,
My darling, How beautiful!
Your eyes are like doves.

Anne Marie is so beautiful. Not just on the outside but she truly radiates beauty from the inside that just shines from miles away.

I want to give you a little background of this princess. She was born with a skin condition called EB (Epidermolysis Bullosa). Blisters form all over her body. They are caused by friction to the skin, touch, from outside, and can form with no apparent cause. Its a journey for Anne Marie. Her baths take half a day. Its taking off all her bandages, popping blisters, sometimes cutting some of her infected skin off. She then soaks in bleach water for up to an hour. After she soaks and washes, then you pop more blisters, and then re wrap her. Its a long process but a much needed process. There are a lot of tears shed during this time. Its emotional and painful. I mean who wants to go through this? I selfishly don't! As of now there is no cure for this disease.

Things I've learned from Anne Marie:

1) Life isn't that bad for me. She goes through it each day! She's in pain daily and needs morphine to control it sometimes.

2) Anne maybe in alot of pain but she finds JOY each day. She' always smiling and happy. Its like WHITNEY get ahold of your emotions, you have so much to be grateful for. Anne Marie is always happy. A little bossy :)

3) To enjoy life to the fullest! We aren't promised tomorrow so enjoy today and make the most of every opportunity.

4) Love people. Anne will come up to me numerous times a day just to say "I love you" or give me a hug. We all need this. Even if we aren't physical touch by nature we all need a hug on a occasion. Or to tell someone YOU LOVE THEM!!!

5) Help others. Anne is always trying to help me around the house or put things up. We are lazy beings here. I'm guilty. But help someone today. Whether that's listening to their issues, helping clean up a house, and encourage someone. We can help in so many ways. Anne Marie always wants to help. And guys sometimes her pain is so bad in her feet that she can barely walk and stand. She still wants to help!

6) Be kind to everyone you come in contact with. Anne Marie can be bossy but she accepts every kid and adult that comes into her life. How cool would it be if we ALL were accepting to others? I wish I was more kind and accepting as my sweet Anne Marie is.

Those are just a few of the things I've learned from Anne Marie. The Lord has blessed me over the past months because I have been able to learn from Anne Marie.

I want to leave you with a quote that Anne said yesterday as she was in the process of her bath and in pain: " One day when I get to heaven I will have a new body and not have blisters anymore"
This is an eight year old girl whose saying this. Broke my heart. Made me so sad. She yearns for a healed body. And I'm so guilty of not liking my body and being negative about it. But my body is able to do things that I take for granted.

I don't share all of this for you to feel guilty for how you act or live. But to put in perspective as it does for me on a daily basis walking life with Anne Marie. Makes my problems a lot smaller. Yes our issues are real and real to us. But lets daily be more thankful for the abilities we have. Anne Marie would love to have the abilities that we do! Pray for this sweet princess if you feel led!

Finding Encouragement

Ever had a day, a week, or even months of just struggles? Then the shame, despair, anxiety, sadness, depression, and many more emotions creep in. This isn't a fun way to live is it? I know if we were to get very honest with one another, we ALL have been in this place at one time or another. With all of the yucky emotions, do you ever find it hard to seek or ask for help? I know that I do. The enemy creeps in and brings on all the shame, so it takes me longer to ask for help or encouragement. 

Sometimes asking for help makes you feel like: a burden, a mess, a failure, hopeless, judged. But what I've been learning is that these are ALL lies from the enemy. Its so easy to fall into this trap. I know I caught myself feeling this way just recently. But after having a couple of spiritually mature mentors and friends just accept me with arms wide open. I saw God's love through them. 

Finding encouragement in others is letting down our own guards and being vulnerable. God places others in our lives so that we can be encouraged and we can encourage others. We are not called to do life alone. I'm not telling you to go out and talk to 20 people about things going on in your life, but find 2 or 3 trusted people who are a step ahead of you and willing to walk life with you. 

Steps to finding encouragement:

1) Find trusted people (2-3 people) to encourage you and you encourage them.

2) Be ready to be open and vulnerable. Even if there are deep pains you don't want to open up. It will be worth it in the end.

3) Find non judgemental Christians who will accept you no matter what. Doesn't matter if you are deep in addiction or just struggling with work. Even Christians are judgemental (guilty), but I do promise they are out there! 

4) Make sure God is in the middle of the relationship! 

5) If the word they are speaking is of God, take it and run with it. But if its not of God use discernment and let it go. 

6) Accept the love they are giving to you through encouragement. I know if you are struggling with low self esteem you don't want to listen, but do! It's most likely a word from the Lord. 

7) Be ready to be challenged through the encouragement. 

8) Don't be too ashamed to seek this type of encouragement. 

9) As you receive encouragement, give it back to others!! 

10) Be open! 

The Power of Your Story

You know all that yucky past, hurt, pain, anger, anxiety, depression, abuse, permicious life style, addiction, and much more. Really, who wants to talk about those things?? I don't. Its hard too.

1 John 5
"For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.

Even though we may have been through some yucky things. We have Victory through Jesus. Yes that may sound cliche but its truth. I'm learning right now with somethings I'm dealing with, there is hope and victory in Jesus. Doesn't mean I don't struggle because I do, but there's hope because of Jesus.

No matter your story, its powerful! Stop carrying the shame and be bold and share that with someone. If you're willing to share those deep hurts and bring God glory, you will find more healing and help someone out. I have found that the more I share with others, I find more healing and peace in my own life. God is so good to meet us right where we are.

Someone needs to hear your story or a piece of it! You never know what the person you are speaking with is going through. So be bold my friends! God will bring you the right people and the right words to speak to them.

I learned just this week how powerful our story is. Without tons of details just to protect both parties and myself. I had been going through things in my own personal life and pretty down. Just kinda going through life. Seeking God but not finding the peace. And I think this situation came up for me to see God has my back! So a friend of a friend/acquaintance contacted me. She wanted me to speak with a girl about some of my story and struggles in life. So as I shared earlier, BE BOLD!  I became very transparent and open with this girl. God used me in a way I could never imagine. I do not get any of the glory, God does.

You maybe feeling all the emotions that come with your pain, but know that God wants to heal you and also use you in a big way to help someone else! You are powerful through Jesus!

Fake-Baked

Fake baked= not too spiritual here. This may not be my most spiritual blog post but I feel the need to share my own story of tanning, fake tanning, laying in the sun, all the above. WE WANT TO BE TANNED!!!!!!!

I know its that time of year to get bronzed and beautiful. We think tan is beauty but its not. It almost caused my life five years ago this July. I had been living in Florida for about a year at the time. I got off the plane for a two week visit. A much needed time in Arkansas. I had missed my southern family, hospitality, and friends. But a lot had changed. Right as I got off the plane my dad did not greet me with a hug but whats on your neck? I was like a mole? I don't know. I had been living in 80 degrees year round. Who needed sun block? I was tan all year. I was happy! I was beautiful! Well with my dads concern, I was told to go to my doctor that next day. I got into my doctor he said I'm not messing with this, you need to see a dermatologist. Me being ME. I don't expect the worst. I was thinking oh mom and I will go to Little Rock for the day. Get this mole looked at, shop on my parents, eat lunch, enjoy girl time. Well I had that mole removed and we went on with our day. I remember shopping and going back home to resume life. They told me I would have results back within a week or so. I was going back to Florida thinking it was no big deal. Well ring ring ring ring...I was sitting on my bed with a dear friend. Just catching up on life. Mom said your doctor wants to talk to you. Dr. Manning said hey Whitney I need to send you to UAMS because you have Clark 3 Melanoma. I was like WHAT? not me???? I had no words. My poor friend Casey just sat there. A memory we still talk about. Well I'm not going back to Florida anytime soon. I was gearing up for surgery.

There were many many more emotions than all of that. But I did get the news of having melanoma. I mean who wants to hear you have cancer and at 23 years old? I had faked baked for many years. I thought that's where my beauty came from. I thought tan=beauty. But in reality it risked my entire life. And how I look at life. I was scared to death. I didn't know how to tell people, or what to say, or to even tell anyone. I had God but to experience that is scary. I went through surgery and came out cancer free. Praise God. I have had several moles removed since then.

So ladies with this story of scare I'm asking you to rethink this spring of getting into tanning beds, putting on that baby oil, but turn it around with sun block!!! Stay out of the tanning beds. Find your inner beauty not through a tan or being darker but through Jesus. As a guy friend tells me "you have to be attractive on the outside but what really radiates the beauty is whats on the inside." So your inner beauty out weighs the tan, bronze, dark tan you are working for. It almost cost my life. It's a silent killer and many people don't realize that a simple 15 minutes in the tanning bed could be putting cancer in your body.

Its not about glitz its about the inside. Find your beauty in being pale, white, beautiful, olive, yellow, and ultimately find it in Jesus. He is where I find my beauty every day. Of Course I want to be darker or tan, but is it worth my life anymore? Absolutely NO!!! So I wear that 30 SPF! I go out in the SUN. I'm just more careful than I was in my teens and earlier 20s. Hard to believe I'm only 27 and had Melanoma!! Protect yourselves ladies!!

Remember to find your pale beauty in Jesus!!! No need to bronze yourself! Wasting your money and life :)

Eating disorder awareness week

 have been meaning to blog all week, well its Thursday and I'm here!! I've posted almost everyday with something encouraging about National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDA). So I thought I would share a few things on my heart regarding eating disorders. A lot of people are suffering and you have no clue and that's because: 1) they are normal weight 2) slightly overweight 3) obese 4) not skinny enough. We identify eating disorders as being skeletal thin. But in reality people are suffering in all shapes, forms, ages, and ethnicity. So you may have no clue your co-worker, cousin, best friend, sister, or class mates are struggling from this evil monster. I know I was able to keep my eating disorder a secret for many years because I was always considered to be "thin or skinny". So you never know whose living in the pain of this struggle. Which takes me to my next point.

Since sharing eating disorders happen in male and female, all ages, all different ethnicity's, all shapes and forms. We need to be careful in how we approach these people who are struggling. Our words can hurt someone whose even in recovery. We don't know what to say or what's okay to say. So here's for a little education for outsiders. This is not to put anyone down but to help those understand.

What NOT to say to someone whose in recovery or struggling with an eating disorder:

1) You look great/healthy/better than ever.
This seems like your helping someone whose struggled with an eating disorder. But healthy in terms of an eating disorder person means "I've gotten fat". Yes this may sound foreign to you who doesn't struggle. So just be careful in how you tell a person how they look.

2) You don't look like you've had an eating disorder.
This recently happened to a close friend of mine. She was at the doctor and he told her that. It really triggered her mindset. So in her mind she was "fat" and doesn't look like shes ever been sick before. The can bring set backs in peoples journey's.

3) Commenting on what they are eating.
People who are even in recovery struggle with this. They feel as if you know their struggle, that you are judging them already for what they are eating or not eating. People are hyper sensitive of their food intake.

4) If you'd just eat _____ you will feel better.
Its not about the food. There's way more to an eating disorder that is deeper. People are struggling with deep rooted things that need to be worked through with a professional and God. God is the only one who can fully heal someone and help them through their struggle.

5) Should you really eat that? You've eaten a lot today.
This can send someone into more of a binge mode. It can hurt them in the long run. They already feel fat so this only makes them feel more insecure about themselves.

6) Negative comments about your body.
People with eating disorders could be comparing themselves to you. Or could make them even more insecure about their own looks. Don't shame your own body or anyone elses this brings more negative thoughts to people with eating disorders or even in recovery.

These are just few things that you can be careful when talking with a friend or family member whose struggling. We all need to be educated in order to help those who struggle! God has a plan for each one of you whether thats a mentor, friend, family member, one struggling with an ED, and counselor. Be as sensitive as you can when dealing with people who struggle!

My life: Real and Raw

I'm a work in progress, EVERYDAY!!! I'll give you a little background of my life just in case you are newer to my blog. Just so you're not fully lost with my story that will follow. I have battled an eating disorder and over exercising disorder for 13 years and been living in recovery and freedom for almost 3 years now. I am grateful for how far God has brought me. Its only him and a few key people who have helped me get to the place that I am in today. But having these battles I have destroyed my body so much. I can get really sad or angry if I dwell in this place for too long. With my body being depleted of so many vitamins and minerals for so many years I have come to health problems. Between 2012 and 2013 I had 7 oral surgeries. YES 7! It was a challenging year and lots of pain. God taught me a lot during that time that I will be forever grateful for. It was a time to be still and if you know me, being still is like taming a kid!! He was so quiet and tender during the hard times but showed me how forever close he was to me. So here's to my realness! Get ready. Deep Breath. Go.

I shared the part of having oral surgeries for the purpose of what's going on in my life now. Thursday night after a great day of work and excited to hang out with the Watson girls'. We ate dinner, played around the house, they took baths, and then movie time. Since its a treat for me to be over there and watch a movie I decided to make popcorn. I mean who doesn't like popcorn? Its so yummy. We were laughing and enjoying Stuart Little. Then I feel a pop and begin chewing on something more crunchy....Okay drum roll....it was my TOOTH. I was like are you kidding me. Even though I am strong in my faith with God, I said a few words. I was really upset. I kept it together for the girls. After the movie was over and the girls went to bed. I LOST IT. I curled up by the fire and just wept like a baby. I know to you guys reading it may not be as big of a deal. But the trauma of 7 surgeries in a year and half just brings me back to those moments. I went to the dentist Friday morning and got something I didn't want to hear. I had fractured a tooth and a bone above it. And YES this is over POPCORN!!! Dr. Gordy told me my bones were so weakened from my past addictions that it didn't take much to break! So here we go on another ride. Heading back to my surgeon this week! I have struggled with knowing this. I have been angry, mad, sad, cried, bitter, anxious, and many more emotions.

So where I am today. Still having a hard time accepting the situation. Been very discouraged. But God blessed me with a sweet friend Friday evening to just vent all this too. She listened to me whine, be sad, and frustrated. But she cared even if I sounded erratic, thats what I needed. She encouraged me to SPEAK TO MY MOUNTAINS IN THE NAME OF JESUS!! This has stuck with me since Friday. I speak out loud and LOUD for the enemy to go. She also gave me a verse to memorize and stand on during the difficult times that I will face today and later in life.

Isaiah 61:2-3
He has sent me to tell
those who mourn
that the time of the
Lord's favor has come,
and with it, the day of
God's anger against
their enemies.
2) To all who mourn in
Israel, he will give a
crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead
of mourning, festive praise
instead of despair. In their
righteousness, they will be
like great oaks that the
Lord has planted for
his own glory.

So in my pain and heart ache there is HOPE and joy that will come. I'm holding onto this promise as I begin a new journey of surgery. I'm not sure what the future holds with my surgery and situation. But I now have a new hope and more peace. I will continue to update on this journey as I know more.

I know people who read my blog has their own struggles. I pray that you can find hope through this verse just as I have. That no matter what we face, we will overcome it. It may not be fun at the moment and may be painful but there is HOPE!!

Loving the Journey

Most of my posts are real life experiences that I have gone through or going through. So tonight I decided to share more of my journey and finding joy in every circumstances.

As we know life isn't always great, happy, fun, exciting, or good. It sometimes just SUCKS! Yes, I said it! You sometimes are so deep under water that you can't even get your head above the water. I've been there and sometimes have days there. But you can't continue to live there. Its okay to have a bad day or a bad week. Its part of life. As I've grown in my journey of living in freedom and recovery from different addictions, my perspective has shifted. As I've said I still have bad days but I don't have live there anymore. I truly try to enjoy this journey and find the good out of it. God has given me a sense of JOY throughout this journey. And He can also give you that joy.

God has brought me to a point in my journey where I can sit back and not be consumed by my addictions each day. I can enjoy food, family, friends, and LIFE. What a freeing place to be. Even on the hard days they aren't nearly as challenging as they used to be.

Taking small steps each day is the key. Start off surrendering your day to the Lord. When that first negative thought comes to your mind, take it to God and let him help you through the moment. Call a friend who understands your struggle and will encourage you. Distract yourself with another fun activity. There are ways to enjoy your journey. Its finding those things that will help you push through the hard moments!

For me personally enjoying my journey has taken many years of hard work. So please don't think it will happen overnight for you. Know hard work pays off and you will find that peace, joy, and love for your journey! Keep working hard!!!

 

Understanding Addiction

Its not by accident that you have ran into my blog today. God may want to speak to you through your own struggles or watching others suffer through addiction. I'm praying that you will find understanding, freedom, hope, and encouragement from this blog.

Addiction: is the continued repetition of a behavior despite adverse consequences, or a neurological impairment leading to such behaviors.

Addiction is a hard topic, many don't want to talk about it, admit they have an addiction, or confront it with a loved one or a friend. I mean who wants to talk about addiction? I used to never talk about it because its easier to keep it a secret from others. Addiction is bondage. And with not talking about my struggles for 8 years kept me in bondage. I was dying inside in many ways. Scary to think about today as a healthy woman. Even after talking about my addiction I still was in bondage but being open and honest brought freedom/recovery slowly. Guys addiction is a journey. 

Someone here may deal with alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, porn, sex, cutting, anxiety, depression, bi polar, and so many more addictions. And whether you are in recovery today or just seeking it now, ITS OKAY. You've come to a safe place to find freedom. 

Addiction is a slow process that takes a grip of you. But this grip ends up holding you captive for a long time. When I was starting out with my eating disorder at age 11, I didn't realize it was slowly grabbing me and taking me captive. I was controlling my food and exercise because of other circumstances that had happened to me. But the hand of addiction grabbed me so tight where at age 23 I could have died from it. I was so deep within my anorexia at this time it was hard for others to watch me slowly die. I became to live in the world of "denial" which most addicts live here. I didn't care I was killing myself or others at this time in my life. It had me so tight that not eating and exercise was my life. 

Addiction is a killer. And being addicted to things in my own life, I have to each day go before the Lord and seek him to guide my steps, my mind, and my life. Because in one second I could go right back to old behaviors because they seem "appealing" which in reality I know its not. It has been God that has sustained me each day since I was 11 years old. I have to daily cling to God because without him I would not be living a life full of freedom and recovery, have my family, have support, and would not have the testimony that I have today. God gets the glory for all the things I have been through. 

If you are supporting one who is struggling with an addiction please please LOVE THEM. Showing them love and acceptance is the best thing a friend or family member could do. We don't need someone to make us feel ashamed anymore than we already do. A lot of shame comes with dealing with an addiction because you have let yourself down and the ones who love you the most. Encourage them don't condemn them. Show the person Jesus in anyway that you can. Jesus is the only one who will and can bring you full healing. Get this person HELP. Don't get me wrong I have been to numerous counselors and treatment centers that FAILED..Yes I said FAILED! But the last place I went was Mercy Ministries. This is where I found God and truly sought freedom from Him and not people or doctors. What a freeing feeling that is. So there is hope in your situation. Get the right help that is centered around God. 

Know there is hope for you no matter where you are today. If you are struggling thats OKAY, just seek God and the right help for you. I am here if you need me. Addiction is REAL. Be open and be FREE!! More to come on addiction! 

The Cycle of Comparing

Okay women....do you ever get stuck in the pattern of comparing yourself to others?? It could consist of: what the other person is wearing, how pretty she is, how thin or how big she is, what type of car she has, the profession they are in, if they are dating and your not, what degree they received, there successes against yours, and so many more.

If I was to get raw and real....I could fit into every category I just shared. I'm just as human as the person reading this. I get so caught up in comparing myself to others who graduated college in four years where its taken me nine years all together. And thank God I'll be graduating in just three months. But I see my friends and acquaintances who have their masters, doctorate degrees, and a career. Then you have myself just finishing my undergrad. I am learning through this that I am finishing what I started many years ago! God calls us to complete what we have started even if it takes nine or twenty years! No shame or judgement. 

Another situation hits home so much. I compare my running to others and the way I look. I am so guilty of each of these things. I want to be a faster runner and look more fit. Its not easy at all. But my running has been slowed down due to injuries. I have had to learn to slow down and take care of my body. It has not been easy but is giving me new perspective on taking care of my body. I don't obsess about missing a day or two of working out. ITS OKAY!! God loves me and accepts me whether I run or not that day. Like today its icy outside, I will not be running outside. I'm not mentally freaking out because I know tomorrow is a new day and new choices. Be the best YOU that YOU can be!!! 

Those are just a couple things I have been challenged with lately. Take a moment and look at life and see what really matters. It doesn't matter who is doing what all that matters is that you are bettering yourself for the glory of Jesus and being the best YOU!!!

So my challenge for YOU today is take a deep breath and stop comparing!! BE WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE!!!! I'm breaking the same cycle with you! Lets run this race together! 

Becoming "less" obsessive

The title may cause you to question "what is she talking about?" Well I'm really excited about this blog post and what is on my heart. Just a piece of my story is I have always struggled with exercise and not having any balance in it. I would exercise to "eat" for most of my life or when I would eat some type of junk food, I would have to make time in my schedule to run. Even if that meant in my house at midnight or in place for an hour. YES call me neurotic! But understand me here: THIS WAS MY WAY OF LIVING.....sad I know. It kills me that my life revolved around exercise and food for way too long of my life. Some of you cannot even fathom this lifestyle or some of you are saying WHITNEY I GET YOU!!!!!! And if you are struggling in this area know there is help!!!

With a little history behind me, you now can see where I'm coming from. I have had much freedom and recovery for nearly 3 years now. Such a wonderful feeling. But being free or in recovery doesn't mean its been an easy journey for me. It has been easier to deal with because I have accountability, encouragement, and love that is surrounded me.

In 2013 I had two running injuries which all link back weakened bones from my eating disorder and over exercising in the past. I have had a few months off and on where exercise was very limited for me. It sucked if I was going to be honest. I missed running and getting that runners high. But as I've started 2014 off its been very different. I am exercising more than I was able to last year due to the injuries. It feels good to be back on the roads with some of my running friends and building new relationships. If your a runner there is NOTHING like a running friend. (that was just a random thought)

As I was running with Leah tonight and Monica a mile ahead of us :) we were discussing life. And something that came out of my mouth shocked me even. "I'm actually enjoying working out and being a slow runner and not pushing myself like I always had." It was like WHO AM I??? I'm obsessed with running. I get really anxious when I go days without exercise. But God had shifted my priorities. It felt GOOD. Realizing I'm doing this for good health and community not to be a certain size or weight. YES of course I'm a woman and think about those impulsive thoughts. Its not as obsessive as it used to be.

But God has been teaching me through a hard time of "rest" to be okay with my athletic abilities and what I can do. I may not be as fast or in the shape I used to be in and that's OKAY!!

So if you are struggling in any area: being lazy and not wanting to work out, working out too much, or just not consistent with it. THERE IS HOPE for you!! Allow the Lord to touch you in the areas that you struggle in. Continuously give it to him. This can be DAILY too. So don't get discouraged!!

Decluttering Your Life

Today God spoke to me in a real way that applies to my daily life. Since Arkansas has been having wintery weather recently (ice not snow :(  ) I didn't have to go in to work today. Which for me I spent my day cleaning and reorganizing my bathroom. As I was going through all my "junk" and getting rid of clutter. It felt great to have an organized bathroom and I know where everything is now.

As I was getting rid of all this clutter God began to speak to me about my own personal life and how I need to declutter things OUT. We have so many distractions in today's society: cell phones, texting, social media, music, Internet, TV, laziness, over committing, being "too" busy, family issues, drama with friends, ADD/ADHD behaviors, and many more things in our lives can become distracting.

I'm beyond guilty of each of those things from above. I'm sure you can relate to at least one or more of these things can keep your mind cluttered. I struggle with ADD/ADHD all the time, this causes me to start one thing and move to another things. As I was working today in my bathroom I counted at least 4 times of getting distracted. But once I was focused on what I was doing God showed me how cluttered my own person life was. It kinda hurt the heart a little.

Having this revelation today, I have been encouraged to make an effort each day to evaluate and assess the things that are cluttering my life and hindering my relationship with God. Its important for me to get rid of all the things that keep me from fully seeking the Lord. Take a moment today and evaluate your own personal life and ask God what it is that needs to be taken from your life.

Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2) fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Be encouraged and take away all the sin and habits that clutter our lives from fully seeking the Lord!

The "UNKNOWN" season

Starting off 2014 is here and I'm ready for the ride! This year is full of possibilities for me. I'll be honest I've been very anxious about this year and so many unknowns. I quit my job two days before January 1st. I will finish this job up on Friday. So many emotions flood with leaving this precious family. I have been able to pour into a precious 8 year old and teach her how to read and write. My job is currently 50 miles from where I live and financially it just was very hard and challenging for me. I was there a lot of my time or I was at school in the evenings. I had no life. My relationships went down hill. So many things happened over the past 5 months.

As blessed as I have been at this job and how much I love what I do, its time for me to really approach the UNKNOWN. I'm going to be keeping my cousin's kids Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and my nephew on Tuesday and Thursday's.  God has really blessed me to have some free time and some income over the next coming months. Its cool to see how after one door closes the other opens.

But here is where my anxiety comes in: THE UNKNOWN. Hear me out I'M A CONTROL FREAK!!!! I FINALLY graduate from Central Baptist College in May. I have a job through the first of June and then the rest is unknown...This freaks me out just a bit. I know the word of God says:

Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your heart and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I have been quoting "Whitney stop worrying and trust God" more than you can imagine each day. I am learning to fully rely on him because I have NO clue what my next step is. I have goals and ideas of what's next but I am having to pray and seek guidance over it because are these thoughts just my own selfish desires or are they also God's desires? I'm just having to pray, seeking God, and seeking guidance from others. Its hard to be in the unknown. I want to control every aspect of my life.

I will keep you guys updated on the future and my journey of trusting God. Because this is a journey of life. If you are in the same situation I'm right there with you. I know all the emotions going on but partner with me in prayer and praying for God's plans over our own. Seek his face over all the other things of this world.

Lets fight this anxiety with the word of God which is our sword!
Along for the ride in this season. Chin up! Learning to surrender and trust God.

2013 Gone and Embracing 2014!

As I sit down this morning with a cup of Joe, I ponder on this past year and the year coming. Each year has its ups and downs. Overall it was a very blessed year. I felt like each thing I have endured whether it was a challenge or something great. I learned something from it!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
1. For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
2. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and time to harvest.
3. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5. A time to scatter stone and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.

Looking back on 2013 and I've been in all seasons of this. The year started off great. I was excited to get the year going. It had now been 2 years since I graduated from Mercy in April. That was a huge victory for me to look back on two years of freedom. Yes had days of struggling but mostly going super strong. As each year passes I am more thankful for www.mercyministries.org (mercy) and what I took from my time there. God truly set me up to have a life of freedom and actually living. The relationships I continue to grow in that I met during my time at Mercy has been a blessing. These women get my struggles and share in my small victories and large victories. We walk through life together even being thousands of miles a part from each other. I am blessed to walk life with each of these women. forever sisters!

 I began to date a guy and was soon to be engaged too. Thought I was in love. But that was shattered quickly after being engaged. This was very hard but the best decision I could made. God truly protected me from more hurt. What it boiled down too, I wanted to settle down get married and have children. Wrong motives. So I didn't look at the whole person, I just jumped into something. He is not a horrible person at all. We just are not meant to be together. I grew to totally depend on Christ during this season after the break up. I had a new sense of trusting God and leaning on him. I only need Him to be satisfied in life.

Going through the break up I found who my friends truly were. Being in this specific relationship I isolated from my friends. This is something that I do not recommend to anyone. Stay friends with the people who care and love you the most. The few who stood by my side have been the biggest blessings and the best of friends. I would not change this for anything. I feel as if these relationships have just grown so much closer in the months after. Find those couple of friends who will stand with you through ALL things. They are godly friendships who encourage you in your darkest times.

I FINALLY quit my job of 2.5 years at Arkansas Counseling. This was the best decision I made. God allowed me to make lasting friendships in the years and we still continue to meet up. But moving on from a comfortable job was a great decision. I do miss some of my clients there but I have been blessed to keep in touch with a few of these families! God grew me in this position to only prepare me for my future and the call he has on my life. If you're not happy in the season your in at your job know it is God preparing you for your next step in life! Don't grow weary. He has a plan for you.

The hardest things is DEATH. You hear of people passing all the time. You may hurt for the family but until you experience it so close to home you don't understand. I lost my grandma May 25, 2013. I was there for some of her last hours. It was hard to watch her struggle to breath but holding her hand telling her its okay to go see Jesus was such a precious time for me. I am forever grateful my cousin called me to go see her that evening. I talked that evening about all the memories we had. She taught me to read and succeed in school. She was always proud of her grandchildren. What a beautiful woman she was.

After my grandma left us a few short months later I lost a dear friend from Mercy. We spent 6 months living together and struggling together. We both had struggles with an eating disorder. Christen passed in October this year. My heart was so broken to hear of her death. The enemy came in and she was taken in bondage from her eating disorder. She was a beautiful woman who would do anything for others. She encouraged me on her hardest days. She may have been taken by an eating disorder but she leaves a legacy to us who loved her to stay strong and free from our eating disorders. I love her dearly and has brought me to a new place to encourage others who struggle with the same struggles. Such a beautiful woman who was so radiant!!! God has her in his arms and shes no longer in pain!!!!

I share all my downs here but they are full of life lessons. I learned a lot this year!  I am blessed from going through some dark times this year. I saw God was there and my only source of strength. As you and I start this year of 2014 let go into as there is a season of everything. We will have our ups and downs but lets cling to Jesus and EMBRACE this year!!!!!